We are currently conducting air strikes against Iran. Such strikes take a LOT of planning. I should know. The last half of my naval career I was in plans and operations, and I have done my full share of military planning. It is a complicated job. There are a huge number of moving parts and many complexities. I am astonished at how well everything came off. Any kind of planning, including day-to-day stuff, can be problematic. There is an old saying: Men plan and God laughs. So, I am planning to do some jokes about planning.
Why
don’t budgets have a Plan B?
Because
Plan A is already over budget.
What
do you call a person who can’t stop planning their wedding?
An
“aisle-aholic”
What
do you call a planner who can predict the weather?
A
“forecasticator”
How
does a man show he's planning for the future?
He
buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why
were the Star Wars movies released in the following sequence: 4,5,6,1,2,3,7,8?
In
charge of planning Yoda was
What
did the doves who were planning revolution say?
Coup,
coup!
Being
on a strategic planning team is like work, but without the satisfaction of
accomplishing anything.
I've
decided to start planning ahead
So
far I'm thinking about two ears, maybe a nose and a couple of eyes.
I
was planning on taking leftovers home from the party.
All
my plans were foiled
I’m
planning a charity event for people who struggle to achieve an orgasm
If
you can’t come, let me know
The
company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an airplane.
They are now filming the pilot.
I'm
planning on making an application that randomly closes the video game you are
playing and opens a different one. It's going to be a game changer.
I
lost money investing in a bogus company that claimed to be planning to produce
life like/sized Henry Winkler dolls.
It
was a Fonzie scheme.
I
asked my dad what he was planning to do today.
He
said he was going to the optometrist to pick up his new prescription then he'd
see.
Conversation
between two men at the bar:
"We're having a slight difference of opinion. She wants a big church
wedding, large reception, small orchestra, the works. I want to elope with
someone else."
I'm
planning on opening an art boutique.
I'll
sell paintings of Issiah smoking weed.
It'll be a high prophet enterprise.
There's
a new company that's planning to feed cows a diet of cannabis mixed in with
their food.
They
claim that the relaxed cattle produce more milk, and tender meat. The issue is
that the legal costs of this are through the roof. The steaks have never been
higher.
John:
“Congratulations man, I heard you just had a child. Hope you're planning for
the future man, times are tough.”
Jack: “Thanks bud, I already opened a savings account for her future.”
John: “Cool man, college costs are crazy right now and they are only going to
rise, glad to see you're planning ahead.”
Jack: “College!, lord no, I haven't even considered that yet.”
John: “Then what's the savings account for?”
Jack: “Well you've met my wife right? My daughter is going to need a ton of
therapy and that’s pretty expensive.”
A
few bananas are planning a heist
Right
before they leap into action, they decide to run through the process again so
all bananas know what they're doing.
Firstly, two bananas will be creating a distraction a distance away from the
heist. Then, the rest of the bananas will scatter to confuse the enemy and
start the heist.
After going through the process a few more times, the bananas are certain that
they know what to do: a couple bananas peel off, and the rest of the bananas
split.
Elmer
Fudd and Bugs Bunny are planning to rob a distillery.
Bugs
asks Elmer, “It is whiskey”?
Elmer
replies, “Yes, but not as whiskey as robbing a bank”
A
couple of
random Elon Musk jokes
Elon
Musk has bought Twitter and he’s planning on buying YouTube and Facebook. To
save even more money, he plans on merging the three companies into one…
…He’s
going to call it YouTwitFace.
Did
you hear that Elon Musk is planning to buy the entire island of Madagascar?
He’s
planning to rename it Madaelectriccar.
A
guy was planning his holiday with his travel agent.
“Last
year you suggested The Maldives and when I returned my wife was pregnant. The
year before that you suggested safari in Africa and when I returned my wife was
pregnant. And before that you suggested Bali and when I returned my wife was
pregnant. Can you suggest somewhere cheaper this year so that I can take
her with me!”
An
employment agency was hired to do placement new company.
Agency:
"Sir, we found a number of candidates as per your requirements. How do you
want them placements?"
Hiring
Manager: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates
into the room and close the door, leave them alone and after a while see what
they have done:
If
they are counting the bricks, put them in Accounts department.
If
they are recounting the bricks, put them in Auditing.
If
they start to build something with the bricks, put them in Engineering. .
If
they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
If
they are sleeping, put them in Security.
If
they broke the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
If
they just sit there, put them in Human Resources.
If
they tell you they have tried different combinations yet not a single brick has
been moved, put them in Sales.
If
they have already left for the day, put them in Management.
