My bits this week are from your fellow JOW sufferers. I hope you enjoy them.
Of note, I find that periodically Outlook drops people from my JOW list. I have been doing the JOW for nine years or so and have never removed anyone from the JOW list unless they ask me to do so. And I forgive all 93 of those people. At any rate, should you ever go a week without receiving a JOW check my JOW blog at http://thospinneyjow.blogspot.com/. You can also Google thospinneyjow and find it that way.
Al, who has a very dry sense of humor submitted these two insights
If you are concerned about stress in your life, I am passing this on to you because it definitely works─we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following this simple advice you too can find inner peace. According to a number of wise people the secret is:
“The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.”
I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before doing my Joke of the Week, I finished off a bottle of Pinot Noir, the rest of that vodka, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my wife's old Prozac prescription, some Doritos, and a box of chocolate.
You have no idea how good I feel right now.
-----------------------------------------------
The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new healthcare package.
The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!", while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those softy Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington!!!
----------------------------------------
This is from Tom & Martha
A group of 20-something buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there were pretty and have low cut blouses.
Twenty years later, at 40 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.
Twenty years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.
Twenty years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.
==============================
You have all seen the signs as you cross a state line: Welcome to “My State” along with some cheesy marketing motto. Actually “Our Whole State is Cheesy” is the motto for Wisconsin. Don passed on some mottos that have a bit of truth in advertising for welcoming signs.
Iowa – I hope you brought something to do.
Kansas – Look around you. You’ve seen it all
Rhode Island – Look fast or you will miss us
New Hampshire – You can’t believe how white we are
Welcome to Nevada – Home of gambling, drugs and whores
Montana – Also known as West Dakota
Connecticut – The Toll Booth State
New York – Gimme your Money! Now!
Welcome to Oregon – Ummm wow, this place is like totally awesome, dude
California – Bienvenidos A California (Welcome to California)
South Carolina – When Jesus comes back, he’s coming here
Welcome to New Mexico – Yes we are part of the United States
Louisiana – Crooked Politician’s Paradise
Oklahoma – Gateway to Nebraska
Welcome Kansas – Home of the world’s most boring wheat fields
Florida – Dinner will be served at 4:00PM
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
News and Observation JOW #493
Most of you know that my youngest boy Ivan was attacked on New Year’s Eve and badly injured. The story has recently been picked up by local media. Those of you in the greater Houston area may even see something about it on television this very evening. In the meantime here is a link to the story to bring you up to date. Of note─there are two pages of the story. The second page includes photos of Ivan after the assault. The story recommends not looking at them. Be advised they are in fact disgusting. Here is the link:
http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs/2010/01/baseball_player_lawsuit.php
Now to the JOW; I have a couple of jokes and some observations on life by a younger generation.
===========================================
In a recent news report, it was announced that a new method of fending off shark attacks has been developed by Marine Biology researchers. If you are ever unfortunate enough to be approached by a shark, they recommend that you swim towards it aggressively and punch it on the nose with as much force as possible.
Should this not work, beat the shark with your stump.
------------------------
Okay, I have five kids between the ages of 25 and 30. Here are some recently collected thoughts from that generation.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
--------------------
And finally:
You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one! You don't even have to like 'em!
A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered the pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. Then they phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived but as they opened the front door to leave the house, the cat scooted back into the front door.
They didn't want the cat shut in the house because it always tries to eat the bird. The wife went out to the taxi, while the husband went back inside to get the cat.
Waiting in the cab, the wife didn't want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night. So, she explained to the taxi driver that her husband would be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'
A few minutes later, the husband emerged and got into the cab.
'Sorry I took so long,' he said, as they drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with an umbrella to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!
The cab driver hit a parked car.
The AMA and NZMA have declared that the long term implications of drugs or medical procedures must be more fully considered.
Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's Disease research.
It is now projected that by the year 2010 there will be thirty million people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who are unable to remember what to do with them.
http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs/2010/01/baseball_player_lawsuit.php
Now to the JOW; I have a couple of jokes and some observations on life by a younger generation.
===========================================
In a recent news report, it was announced that a new method of fending off shark attacks has been developed by Marine Biology researchers. If you are ever unfortunate enough to be approached by a shark, they recommend that you swim towards it aggressively and punch it on the nose with as much force as possible.
Should this not work, beat the shark with your stump.
------------------------
Okay, I have five kids between the ages of 25 and 30. Here are some recently collected thoughts from that generation.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
--------------------
And finally:
You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one! You don't even have to like 'em!
A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered the pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. Then they phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived but as they opened the front door to leave the house, the cat scooted back into the front door.
They didn't want the cat shut in the house because it always tries to eat the bird. The wife went out to the taxi, while the husband went back inside to get the cat.
Waiting in the cab, the wife didn't want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night. So, she explained to the taxi driver that her husband would be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'
A few minutes later, the husband emerged and got into the cab.
'Sorry I took so long,' he said, as they drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with an umbrella to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!
The cab driver hit a parked car.
The AMA and NZMA have declared that the long term implications of drugs or medical procedures must be more fully considered.
Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's Disease research.
It is now projected that by the year 2010 there will be thirty million people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who are unable to remember what to do with them.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
One Flu Over the JOW #492
It appears I have had the flu for the last week or so. Since I got my ‘regular’ flu vaccine, I must have contracted the famous Swine Flu. Although it was pretty annoying, I apparently had one of the lazy varieties that just make you feel crappy and tired for a week or so rather than taking the effort to really make you sick. There are a few advantages to having the flu. You have an excuse for being rude, obnoxious and surly. You can legally take sedatives. And fevers give some really weird dreams. However I must say I am glad to be seeing the end of this thing.
In honor of this disease, my JOW’s are about sickness, health, and various animals. That sorta connects, right?
==================
A blonde is watching the news and hears that 2 Brazilian men have died from swine flu.
She starts to cry and asks her friend, "How many is in a brazillion?"
===================
Living healthy can limit your choices.
I can’t eat pork...... swine flu
I can’t eat chicken......bird flu
I can’t eat beef...... mad cow
I can’t eat eggs......salmonella
I can’t eat fish...heavy metal poisons in their water
I can’t eat fruit and veggies....insecticides and herbicides
I believe that leaves Chocolate and ice cream
================================
In order to avoid sickness they tell you to:
Eat right!
Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C & D.
Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system. Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can’t wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around. Wear a mask when out in public places and avoid going out in public as much as possible while the swine flu is spreading.
Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.
Get plenty of rest. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
OR …. You can take the doctor’s office approach.
Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.. Why? Because alcohol kills germs. So…… You could walk to the liquor store (exercise), put lime in your Corona (fruit), celery in the Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest). If you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can’t get you!!!!
From Mike:
Why Some Men have Dogs and not Wives:
• The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
• Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
• Dogs like it if you spill stuff on the floor.
• Dogs understand that sometimes you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
• Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
• Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
• A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
Mary Ellen has a reply to that from the ladies
If you want someone
• who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's
• who's always willing to go out with you, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want
• who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies
• who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores .
• who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of his attention, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually
Then adopt a dog
On the other hand,
if you want someone who never responds when you call,
ignores you totally when you come home,
walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep,
and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness
Then adopt a cat
That Mary Ellen knows her critters.
And ask her for her Hooters Calendars. Twelve of the most beautiful owls you will ever see.
In honor of this disease, my JOW’s are about sickness, health, and various animals. That sorta connects, right?
==================
A blonde is watching the news and hears that 2 Brazilian men have died from swine flu.
She starts to cry and asks her friend, "How many is in a brazillion?"
===================
Living healthy can limit your choices.
I can’t eat pork...... swine flu
I can’t eat chicken......bird flu
I can’t eat beef...... mad cow
I can’t eat eggs......salmonella
I can’t eat fish...heavy metal poisons in their water
I can’t eat fruit and veggies....insecticides and herbicides
I believe that leaves Chocolate and ice cream
================================
In order to avoid sickness they tell you to:
Eat right!
Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C & D.
Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system. Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can’t wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around. Wear a mask when out in public places and avoid going out in public as much as possible while the swine flu is spreading.
Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.
Get plenty of rest. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
OR …. You can take the doctor’s office approach.
Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.. Why? Because alcohol kills germs. So…… You could walk to the liquor store (exercise), put lime in your Corona (fruit), celery in the Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest). If you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can’t get you!!!!
From Mike:
Why Some Men have Dogs and not Wives:
• The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
• Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
• Dogs like it if you spill stuff on the floor.
• Dogs understand that sometimes you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
• Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
• Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
• A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
Mary Ellen has a reply to that from the ladies
If you want someone
• who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's
• who's always willing to go out with you, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want
• who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies
• who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores .
• who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of his attention, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually
Then adopt a dog
On the other hand,
if you want someone who never responds when you call,
ignores you totally when you come home,
walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep,
and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness
Then adopt a cat
That Mary Ellen knows her critters.
And ask her for her Hooters Calendars. Twelve of the most beautiful owls you will ever see.
Friday, January 8, 2010
2010 JOW #491
It has been not such a good new year for us. As some of you know, our youngest, Ivan, was attacked while at a New Year’s party. His left eye was very seriously injured and he may not ever recover full sight in it. He is resting at home now, waiting for his next surgery which will be in a week. If you want to know more about it you can check on Ruth Pinney's Facebook page. So it has been a tought time here; nevertheless, the JOW must go on.
First, a couple of things to think about:
• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
==============================
A D.E.A. officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and braces up old rancher who owns the place.
"I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there."
The D.E.A. officer verbally explodes, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish...on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? “
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Show him your badge...Show him your BADGE!"
=============
And old question answered
Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off boats?
Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat.
=========================
A golfer on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the tee.
He thinks nothing of it and is about to hit when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."
He looks at the frog puts his 8 iron away, and grabs a 9 iron.
He hits it 10 inches from the cup.
He is shocked. He says to the frog,
"Wow that's amazing.
You must be a lucky frog?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
"What do you think frog?" the man asks.
"Ribbit 3 wood."
The guy takes out a 3 wood hits the ball into perfect position.
By the end of the day, the man has shot best round of golf in his life. He looks at the frog and asks, "OK where to next?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas ."
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"
The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."
Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit black 6."
Now, this is a long shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.
The ball lands on black 6. Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.
He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you you've won me all this money but I am forever grateful."
The frog replies,
"Ribbit Kiss Me."
He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.
With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous girl.
And that is why that woman was in the hotel room with Tiger Woods.
===============
And finally a related joke
WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: Definitely not!
WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married?
HUSBAND: Of course I do.
WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again.
WIFE: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (Makes audible groan).
WIFE: Would you live in our house?
HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house.
WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?
WIFE: Would you let her drive my car?
HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new.
WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?
HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs?
HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed.
WIFE: - - silence - -
HUSBAND: -- silence also --
First, a couple of things to think about:
• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
==============================
A D.E.A. officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and braces up old rancher who owns the place.
"I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there."
The D.E.A. officer verbally explodes, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish...on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? “
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Show him your badge...Show him your BADGE!"
=============
And old question answered
Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off boats?
Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat.
=========================
A golfer on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the tee.
He thinks nothing of it and is about to hit when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.
Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."
He looks at the frog puts his 8 iron away, and grabs a 9 iron.
He hits it 10 inches from the cup.
He is shocked. He says to the frog,
"Wow that's amazing.
You must be a lucky frog?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
"What do you think frog?" the man asks.
"Ribbit 3 wood."
The guy takes out a 3 wood hits the ball into perfect position.
By the end of the day, the man has shot best round of golf in his life. He looks at the frog and asks, "OK where to next?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas ."
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?"
The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."
Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit black 6."
Now, this is a long shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.
The ball lands on black 6. Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.
He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you you've won me all this money but I am forever grateful."
The frog replies,
"Ribbit Kiss Me."
He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.
With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous girl.
And that is why that woman was in the hotel room with Tiger Woods.
===============
And finally a related joke
WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: Definitely not!
WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married?
HUSBAND: Of course I do.
WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again.
WIFE: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (Makes audible groan).
WIFE: Would you live in our house?
HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house.
WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?
WIFE: Would you let her drive my car?
HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new.
WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?
HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs?
HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed.
WIFE: - - silence - -
HUSBAND: -- silence also --
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