Planning for a JOW #1318

We are currently conducting air strikes against Iran.  Such strikes take a LOT of planning.  I should know.  The last half of my naval career I was in plans and operations, and I have done my full share of military planning.  It is a complicated job.  There are a huge number of moving parts and many complexities.  I am astonished at how well everything came off.  Any kind of planning, including day-to-day stuff, can be problematic.  There is an old saying:  Men plan and God laughs.  So, I am planning to do some jokes about planning.

 

Why don’t budgets have a Plan B?

Because Plan A is already over budget.

 

What do you call a person who can’t stop planning their wedding? 

An “aisle-aholic”

 

What do you call a planner who can predict the weather? 

A “forecasticator”

 

How does a man show he's planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

 

Why were the Star Wars movies released in the following sequence: 4,5,6,1,2,3,7,8?

In charge of planning Yoda was

 

What did the doves who were planning revolution say?

Coup, coup!

 

Being on a strategic planning team is like work, but without the satisfaction of accomplishing anything.

 

I've decided to start planning ahead

So far I'm thinking about two ears, maybe a nose and a couple of eyes.

 

I was planning on taking leftovers home from the party.

All my plans were foiled

 

I’m planning a charity event for people who struggle to achieve an orgasm

If you can’t come, let me know

 

The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an airplane. They are now filming the pilot.

 

I'm planning on making an application that randomly closes the video game you are playing and opens a different one. It's going to be a game changer.

I lost money investing in a bogus company that claimed to be planning to produce life like/sized Henry Winkler dolls.

It was a Fonzie scheme.

 

I asked my dad what he was planning to do today.

He said he was going to the optometrist to pick up his new prescription then he'd see.

 

Conversation between two men at the bar:
"We're having a slight difference of opinion. She wants a big church wedding, large reception, small orchestra, the works. I want to elope with someone else."

 

I'm planning on opening an art boutique.

I'll sell paintings of Issiah smoking weed.
It'll be a high prophet enterprise.

 

There's a new company that's planning to feed cows a diet of cannabis mixed in with their food.

They claim that the relaxed cattle produce more milk, and tender meat. The issue is that the legal costs of this are through the roof. The steaks have never been higher.

 

John: “Congratulations man, I heard you just had a child. Hope you're planning for the future man, times are tough.”
Jack: “Thanks bud, I already opened a savings account for her future.”
John: “Cool man, college costs are crazy right now and they are only going to rise, glad to see you're planning ahead.”
Jack: “College!, lord no, I haven't even considered that yet.”
John: “Then what's the savings account for?”
Jack: “Well you've met my wife right? My daughter is going to need a ton of therapy and that’s pretty expensive.”

 

A few bananas are planning a heist

Right before they leap into action, they decide to run through the process again so all bananas know what they're doing.
Firstly, two bananas will be creating a distraction a distance away from the heist. Then, the rest of the bananas will scatter to confuse the enemy and start the heist.
After going through the process a few more times, the bananas are certain that they know what to do: a couple bananas peel off, and the rest of the bananas split.

 

Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny are planning to rob a distillery.

Bugs asks Elmer, “It is whiskey”?

Elmer replies, “Yes, but not as whiskey as robbing a bank”

 

A couple of  random Elon Musk jokes

Elon Musk has bought Twitter and he’s planning on buying YouTube and Facebook. To save even more money, he plans on merging the three companies into one…

…He’s going to call it YouTwitFace.

 

Did you hear that Elon Musk is planning to buy the entire island of Madagascar?

He’s planning to rename it Madaelectriccar.

 

A guy was planning his holiday with his travel agent.

“Last year you suggested The Maldives and when I returned my wife was pregnant. The year before that you suggested safari in Africa and when I returned my wife was pregnant. And before that you suggested Bali and when I returned my wife was pregnant. Can you suggest somewhere cheaper this year so that I can take her with me!”

 

An employment agency was hired to do placement new company.

Agency: "Sir, we found a number of candidates as per your requirements. How do you want them placements?"

Hiring Manager: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room and close the door, leave them alone and after a while see what they have done:

If they are counting the bricks, put them in Accounts department.

If they are recounting the bricks, put them in Auditing.

If they start to build something with the bricks, put them in Engineering. .

If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.

If they are sleeping, put them in Security.

If they broke the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.

If they just sit there, put them in Human Resources.

If they tell you they have tried different combinations yet not a single brick has been moved, put them in Sales.

If they have already left for the day, put them in Management.