I will be on my last road trip all the rest of this week and for much of the next, so you may not see my jokes next week. Thinking about my long upcoming drive to Florida and North Carolina led me to generate some jokes about travel and travelling. Well mostly about that. Enjoy.
What
do you call it when data goes on a difficult car journey?
A
hard drive
What’s
the best way to travel with young kids?
Not
to.
What
travels around the world but stays in a corner.
A
stamp.
I
met a guy who believes the Earth is flat. He set off on a journey to see for
himself.
I'm
sure he'll come around.
How
does a Flat Earther travel the world?
on
a plane
Why
is it hard for the Amish to travel?
Their
transit system is a little buggy.
How
do space travelers stay awake on the long journeys across the galaxy?
Do
some light speed.
Missouri’s
new travel slogan.
Missouri
Loves Company
They
say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
So
does walking in front of an oncoming train.
What
do a group of whales listen to on long journeys?
Podcasts.
Why
shouldn’t you fly on Peter Pan Airlines?
They
Neverland.
Did
you read about my hiking vacation in the mountains?
I’ll
summit up nicely.
Why
don’t photons have checked bags?
They
travel light.
What’s
a hamster’s favorite travel destination?
Hamster-dam.
What’s
a sheep’s favorite destination?
The
Baa-hamas.
Which
country has the most germs?
Germany.
What
makes camping challenging?
It’s
in tents.
What
did the Egyptians use to travel to the Underworld?
A
new bus. (Say it out loud)
Why
is *traveled* spelled *travelled* by the British?
Because
they traveled home with that *L* after the Revolution 1783.
If
light travels faster than the speed of sound
How
come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?
My
first time travelling by air was from a magnolia tree to the ground
An
ant travelled across the Mexico into USA..
It's
now import-ant.
Why
do koi fish travel in groups of four?
To
protect the group from predators. When attacked, kois A, B, and C will go in
one direction. The fourth one is the D koi.
A
plane is sitting at the terminal and is supposed to leave shortly
Departure
seems to be taking ages, and the passengers are growing restless. Eventually a
staff member says on the PA system:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay to your journey today.
During preflight checks the pilot wasn't happy with the noise coming from the
left engine, so we've had to delay departure until we can locate a new
pilot."
Three
engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference
Three
engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the
station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three
engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are you going to travel with only one ticket?" asks an
accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers one of the engineers.
They all board the train, and the accountants take their seats, while the three
engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around to collect tickets.
He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door
opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The
conductor takes the ticket and moves on.
The accountants are impressed by this clever trick. On the way back from the
conference, they decide to try the same tactic and save some money. When they
get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip.
To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one of the
accountants.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
They all board the train. The three accountants cram into one restroom, and the
three engineers cram into another restroom nearby.
Shortly after the train departs, one of the engineers leaves his restroom,
walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding, knocks on the
door, and says, "Ticket, please."
And
finally,
An
English man meets a Chinese woman in his travels...They fall in love and live a
happy life in England. The woman, however, cannot speak in English and has to
have her husband translate for her. One day, the man was rather busy and asked
his wife to make duck breast. She goes to the butcher but then realizes she
doesn't know how to tell him what she wants. As she is about to leave in
embarrassment, she comes upon an idea. She points at her breasts and quacks. The butcher understands, giving her the duck
breast. On the next day, seeing how the previous day turned out, the man asked
the woman to go to the butcher to get chicken legs. When she gets there, after
a bit of thinking, raises her skirt and points at her thighs and goes ‘cluck,
cluck’. The butcher gets the message and gives her the chicken legs. On the
next day, the man asked the woman to go to the butcher to get sausages. Unable
to think of anything, she decides to bring her husband to the butcher with her.
Upon arriving, the husband says, "I would like some sausages please".
(Of
course. What else were you thinking?)
