A Shot at a JOW #1069

Getting the vaccine seems to be a big deal for a lot of people. I got the Covid-19 vaccination.  I'm not sure that Pfizer's Covid-19 vaccine will work, but it was worth a shot.  I now feel sorry for you unvaccinated people who are marinating in a toxic soup of toxic viruses.   Neener, neener, neener.  Vaccines can be a pain in the butt, even when they are a jab well done.  I gave that one my best shot.  I hope you got the point.  I was just trying to inject a little humor.

>>>>>> 

I know a woman that got the COVID vaccine and it seems like the main side effect is...that she can't stop talking about getting the COVID vaccine.

Not everybody is on board with getting vaccinated. 

 ‘I’m not getting a COVID vaccine because they can microchip me,’ the man typed into his phone that tracks his location and logs all his communications. 

Don't take the Covid Vaccine - The first smallpox vaccine came out in 1796 and 100% of the recipients are dead.

For anybody who doesn't believe vaccines cause autism:

My Oliver was vaccinated and is now nearly nine years old. He has still not learned to speak a single word, cannot dress himself and is not even able to use the toilet.
Don't let vaccines ruin your dog's life, too.

I keep hearing people say that vaccines will make you artistic, but I’ve had my shots every year since birth and I still can’t draw anything well!

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Of course they could just release the vaccine in vape form.  I promise you no one will ask what's in it at that point.

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A patient came to the hospital with a burned right hand. As the doctor took down his medical history, he asked the injured man, "Do you smoke?"

"Yeah, a pack and a half a day," said the patient.

Concerned, the doctor told him, "You should consider quitting."

"No, it's OK," said the patient. "I smoke with my left hand."

 

A few stupid jokes

·         I love veterans.  They take such good care of our pets

·         So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means.  It’s not the end of the world

·         I know that Europe uses Euros and Africa uses Afros.

·         I don’t know when the Cold War was but it was in the winter.

·         I’m against studying civics in school unless we also study other cars.  Why should we show favoritism toward Honda?

·         I stayed in a hotel where the towels were so thick I could hardly close my suitcase.

·         When the dog had his tail fall off, they had to take him to a retail store.

Ordering a Pizza in 2021

CALLER: Is this Pizza Delight?

GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Delight last month.

CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER: OK! Thats what I want ...

GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust.

CALLER: What? I detest vegetable!

GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER: How the hell do you know!

GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.

CALLER: I bought more from another drugstore.

GOOGLE: That doesn't show on your credit card statement.

CALLER: I paid in cash.

GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER: I have other sources of cash

GOOGLE: That doesn't show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

CALLER: WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE: I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago... 

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Once upon a time, a long time ago a women was brought before the judge on a charge of theft.

The judge asked the woman what she had stolen.

She replied, “I stole a can of peaches.”

The judge then asked, “How many peaches were in the can?”

“Six,” replied the woman.

After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night of jail for every peach she stole. Six nights total.

Before the judge smacked the mallet down to make it final, her henpecked husband piped up, “Your honor, wait!  She also stole a can of peas!”

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A defendant isn’t happy with how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time. 

Judge: “Where do you work?” 

Defendant: “Here and there.” 

Judge: “What do you do for a living?” 

Defendant: “This and that.” 

Judge: “Take him away.” 

Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?” 

Judge: “Sooner or later.”