Hedging your JOW #1068

 Last week Wall Street hedge fund managers got burned when they shorted Game Stop shares expecting them to lose value.  Instead, many small investors bought the stock, making it go so much that they cost the insider fat cats billions of dollars.  I am not anyone’s expert on financial institutions; I thought a hedge fund was something gardeners started to start a new hedge.  Still it was nice to see the predatory fat cats get burned for a change.  So I am starting off this week’s jokes about hedge fund managers and Wall Street bankers.

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Game Stop?  It seems to me the games are just getting started.

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How to become a millionaire:

Step One: Be a billionaire

Step Two: Short sell $GME

 

Wall Street’s view of the situation.

2008 financial collapse: You should have considered the risks.

Student loan debt: You should have considered the risks.

Credit Card debt: You should have considered the risks.

Hedge Fund make a risky bet and loses billions: It’s not my fault.  Shut everything down.

>>>>>> 

People tend to dislike both hedge fund managers and lawyers.  If a banker and a lawyer were both drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

^^^^^^^^

A young hedge fund manager was walking by himself when suddenly *poof* Satan appears before him.

“I have a deal for you.  I will give great power to predict and manipulate the stock market.  You can be rich and powerful beyond your dreams.”

“I assume you will want my soul in exchange”, smirked the hedge fund manager.

“No, I have that already.  I want the souls of your parents, your wife, and your best friend.”

The hedge fund manager looked at Satan suspiciously.  “So, what’s the catch?”

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A young Wall Street banker decided to get a tailor-made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business.

As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him “Where are my pockets?”

“Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?”

Some hedge (not fund) jokes

What did the Swedish hedge say to the other Swedish hedge?

Hej   (That one is for Glen)

 

Trimming hedges is hard work.

You must take it sheariously.

 

Just got back from Lowe’s where I picked up a cool new gadget.

Solar powered clippers attached to a drone that I can program to do most of my landscaping.

It’s real Cutting Hedge Technology.

 

Changing directions, here is an old Soviet joke

A man goes into a street of Moscow in 1938 and yells: "I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader.”

A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him and brings the man to Stalin. The soldier explained to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man: "Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the street?"

The man says: "I was thinking about Hitler of course".

Stalin lets the man go but stops the soldier and asks: "Who were YOU thinking about?"

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If the USSR got back together: Would it be called the Soviet Reunion?

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Two doctors, Jenkins and Smith, are treating a man with lung disease. They tried to explain how smoking weed led to his condition worsening.

“But it’s all natural!” the patient protested. “How can it be bad?”

Dr. Jenkins sighed. “Just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it’s safe for you! Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden; if you sit under it for just ten minutes, you will die.”

The man seemed to accept that, and after he and the doctors parted ways, Dr. Smith asked, “What is that plant that kills you if you sit under it?”

“A water lily.”

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A shopping tip: Eat before you go into a grocery store, so you don't buy as much.

This does not work in a liquor store

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Our library has a new Indian wing.  It features Hindustani prose and Bollywood movies starring Shah Rukh Khan, Salman Khan, and Aamir Khan.  It has prose and Khans.  

 

Finally, a joke from India that seems to apply to Wall Street.

Once upon a time, in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.
The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10.
And, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20 for a monkey.
This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each, and the supply of monkeys became so small that it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. “Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35, and when the man returns from the City, you can sell them to him for $50 each.”

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys. They never saw the man or his assistant again.