Serious as a heart attack JOW #1250

I try to find humor in almost everything; it makes life a little more palatable.   In the past I have had all sorts of JOW themes, including joking about some serious topics.  Since I have coronary artery disease, I thought heart conditions would make a good topic to explore.  Here are some jokes with real heart. 

 

Many claim that heart attacks are one of the worst ways to go, but I disagree...

A bear attack would definitely be worse.

 

A man went to jail for stealing a heart.

I guess you could say it was a cardiac arrest.

 

A student had a heart attack when she saw the grade on her exam

She passed.

 

Dual Heart Attack Message by A Girl.

1st Message: “Let’s Breakup Now, It’s All Over”
2nd Message: “Sorry-Sorry, That Was Not For You “

 

A wife files an accidental death claim for her husband. It gets denied. She calls the insurance company demanding to know why the policy wasn't honored. The agent reviewed the notes and informed her the policy wasn't covered because he'd died from a heart attack, to which she replied:

"My husband didn't have a heart attack on purpose!"

 

Do you know cat owners are 50% less likely to suffer from a heart attack

mainly because their hearts are already broken

 

What do you call a black guy having a heart attack?

An ambulance.

 

The worst time to have a heart attack is when you're playing charades; nobody gonna help you.

 

My friend and I were playing golf. He hit the flagpole on the shot and said, “That gave me a heart attack!”

I told him “Actually that was a stroke”

 

What does a pirate say when he has a heart attack?

Arr me hearty!

 

An American has a heart attack while on vacation in Australia...

After he comes to in the hospital, the nurse walks in and the man, still confused, asks: "Did you bring me here to die?”

The nurse replies:
“Nah Mate, they brought you in yesterday”

 

A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents. The poor man dyed a loan.

 

Then there was the man who got into a fight with a man who was dating the woman he fancied.  He won the fight, but the poor fellow had a fatal heart attack and fell down on the man he had just knocked down.

He was dead on a rival.

 

Another poor fellow had a massive heart attack during sex

He came and went at the same time.

An American man has a heart attack at his home.

His wife calls 911 and they send the ambulance over. Ten minutes later, the doctor calls the wife and asks her to come to the hospital. When she gets there, the doctor has some bad news. "I'm sorry Ma'am, but your husband suddenly had another heart attack and passed.

The woman is hysterical. "How could this have happened?!"

The doctor replies, "Well, we had shown him the cost for the ambulance..."

 

A regular at a local bar is drinking heavily one night, and expectedly has a heart attack and dies.

The patrons are dismayed. They know someone’s got to call his wife, but no one feels up to the task.
The drunk at the end of the bar unexpectedly says he’ll do it, and he picks up the phone.
“Hello, is this Mrs. Jamison? Ma'am…I have some good news, and some bad news for you”
“What’s that?” She asks suspiciously
“The bad news is your husband lost $20,000 to me playing poker.”
“What!” She screams. “I’m going to kill him!”
The drunk replies “Well, that’s the good news…”

 

A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital…

He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.
"Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest.
"No" says one of the nurses. "We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward."

 

A lady told me her grandpa had a heart attack over the summer and she felt at least partially responsible.
He was having trouble navigating Amazon because they have so many different things available.  She suggested that when he wants to buy something he should look for a more focused website so it's easier to find things.
But if it wasn't for that, he never would have visited OnlyFans.

 

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack!
"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.
"I'm dying here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you.
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."

 And finally some medical advice.

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.  The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Conclusion:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.