Watery JOW #1325

 I recently had the chance to go sailing with a friend.  They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you a yacht where you can hide your tears in stylish comfort.   I remember a line I used to say back when I was doing a lot of sailing.   “It’s okay if you don’t like sailing.  It’s kind of a smart person sport anyway.”  But my time on the water got me thinking about boats, etc.  Here are some funny thoughts along that line.

 

How many boaters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order.

 

What is the difference between a wealthy person and someone who is really rich?

The haves and the have yachts.

  

What's with the sudden influx of Killer Whale attacks on boats?

Seems Orcastrated

I'm not really a big fan of boat puns

But frigate

 

I'm outfitting my boat for sport fishing.

Ship just got reels.

 

Got dumped because she said I was obsessed with boat puns

Canoe believe that?

 

In olden times, seagoing vessels were much more fuel efficient. They got thousands of miles to the galleon.

 

How did the pirate afford such a big boat?

It was on sail.

 

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?

Buck an ear

 

Why did the Pirate give his ship a coat of paint?

Its timbers were shivering.

 

Where did Captain Hook buy his hook?

At a second hand store

 

A ship’s captain is a sails manager.

 

I hate it when I have to moor the boat and everyone at the dock keeps staring at me.

I’m under…a lot of pier pressure.

 

A girl I wanted to date said I had the face like the back of a boat.

I didn’t reply, but I gave her a stern look.

 

The dyslectic devil worshipping man just got a new motorboat.

He christened it Sail Hatin'

 

A student asks his sailing instructor, “What’s a bar?”

He replied, “In the water it’s a low-lying navigational hazard, usually awash, found at river mouths and harbor entrances, usually composed of sand or mud.  Ashore it is made of mahogany or some other dark wood. Sailors can be found in large numbers around both.”

 

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: “Boat number 81, your two-hour rental period is up, please return to the dock.”

Boat rental intern to manager: ”Uh, sir, we only have 40 boats.”
Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: “Boat number 18, do you require assistance?”

 

A pair of a novice sailors’ best friend died and in his will he specified that he wanted them to bury him at sea.

So, the pair set out from shore in a rowboat with the body. They had rowed out a little way when one got out of the boat and stood chest deep in water.

“We need to go out further,” he told the other. So, they rowed out another fifty yards, and the same sailor jumped out again to find the water reached his chin.

“We need to go out further,” he said again.

About 150 yards from shore, he jumped out of the rowboat again and disappeared under water. After five minutes, he reappeared coughing and spluttering and said to the other: “That’s far enough; hand me the shovel.”

 

A woman was nearing the end of her tether – every night her husband was snored so loudly that it kept her awake.

She decided to call the family doctor to see if there was anything that could be done to relieve her nightly suffering.

“Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband of his snoring,” said the doctor, “but I must warn you that it is rather expensive. It
will cost you a deposit of $15,000, and payments of 41,000 for 48 months, as well as money for extras.”

“Good grief!” exclaimed the woman. “That sounds like I’m buying a yacht!”

“Hmm,” the doctor murmured, “too obvious, huh?

 

Finally an off-topic joke to end this madness.

A man crossed the border each morning on a donkey.
And each day, his donkey is loaded with only bags of straw. When he reached the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors searched his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports. Every day, they find nothing. And yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in the tea houses or restaurants in the city, they see the same man spending money and boasting that he is a smuggler and that no one can catch him.
Every day, incensed at his bold claims, the tax collectors obsessively searched his bags of straw. They sifted the straw, cut it into pieces, ripped open the fabric of his bags, checked his hat, his beard and even cut open his shoes in the hope of finding coins between the leather. And yet, each evening, he is seen back in the city growing ever more prosperous, even offering to pay for the tax collectors’ meals while continuing to hint at his wily smuggling. The tax collectors continue their futile inspections of the straw bags for years to no avail.
This continues until the smuggler moved away to another city and settled down to enjoy his wealth. Years pass and one day, in the market, one of the retired tax collectors meets his old foe and asks,
“Mister, many years have passed: I am no longer a tax collector, and we are just two old men. Please, you can tell me, what was it you were smuggling all that time?”
The smuggler replied, “Donkeys.”