Reading JOW #1328

My jokes this week remain about books and reading.  I was happy with the reception of my latest book ‘Jac and the Princess’ has received. Thanks to those of you who have bought a copy.  Don’t forget to post a review of the book if you like it.  If not, tell me what you did not like.  The follow-on book, Jac and the Queen is in production now and it is not too late to make changes.  Here are my jokes – I hope they entertain you.

 

My older sister always tore the last pages of my comic books and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

 

Look, I'm all for coloring books but connect-the-dots? That's where I draw the line.

 

Why does Kim Jong Un love books?

Because he is the Supreme Reader.

 

CHILDREN'S BOOKS THAT ARE NOT RECOMMENDED BY THE NATIONAL LIBRARY ASSOC

·        Clifford the Big Dog is Put to Sleep

·        Charles Manson Bedtime Stories

·        Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear

·        Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

·        The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables

·        Things Rich Kids Have, but you never will

A list of unlikely authors and their books
• The French Chef
by Sue Flay
Secrets of the Mind
by Sarah Bellum
• Tight Situation
by Leah Tard
• Unemployed
by Anita Job
• Handel's Messiah
by Ollie Luyah
• Downpour!
by Wayne Dwops
• Cloning
by Ima Dubble
• Irish Flooring
by Lynn O'Leum
• Holmes Does it Again
by Scott Linyard
• Home Alone IV
by Eddie Buddyhome
• Neither a Borrower
by Nora Lender Bee
• The Scent of Sweat
by Jim Nasium
• French Overpopulation
by Francis Crowded
• Fallen Underwear
by Lucy Lastic
• House Construction for Amateurs
by Bill Jerome Home
• Lewis Carroll
by Alison Wonderland
• Leo Tolstoy
by Warren Peace
• The Coming Gas Crisis
by M. T. Tank
• Wind in the Willows
by Russell Ingleaves
• Look Younger
by Fay Slift
• No!
by Kurt Reply
• And Shut Up!
by Sid Downe
• 40 Yards to the Latrine
by Willy Makeit and Betty Wont
• Tiny Bikini
by Seymore Skynn
• Yellow River
by I. P. Freely
• Sex on the Beach
by Sandy Shortz
•Taming Wild Cats

by Claude Face.

•All Aboard!

by Abel Seamann.
•The Worst Journey in the World

by Helen Back.
•Discipline in the Home

by Wilma Child-Begood.
•How to Diet Successfully

by M. T. Cupboard.
•My Years in a Lunatic Asylum

by I. M. Nutty.

•Grow Your Own Vegetables

by Rosa Carrotts.
•Take A Breather

by Justin Hale
•How to Become Famous

by Anonymous
•Rules for Philanthropy

 by Jenna Russ
•Where to Find Wildebeests

By Sara N. Getti
•Confessions of a Mental Patient

by Justin Sane

 

The Shortest Books Ever Written

1000 Years of German Humor
The Ethics for Lawyers
Italian War Heroes
The Australian Book of Foreplay
The Vatican List of Celibate Priests
Cooking Gourmet Dishes with Tofu
The Englishman’s Guide to the Secrets of Rocmance

 

Here is a book knock knock joke.
Librarian: Knock knock.
Kid: Who's there?
Librarian: Winnie Thupp.
Kid: Winnie Thupp who?
Librarian: He's in the juvenile fiction, and so is Piglet!

A boy was spending too much time playing computer games, so

His father said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

The considered this for a moment and replied: “When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States.”

 

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.
"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."
The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"
"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."

 

A chicken runs into a library, goes to the main desk and says, ‘Book, bok, bok, boook.’ The librarian hands the chicken a book and it tucks it under its wing and runs out. A while later, the chicken runs back in, throws the book on the desk and says, ‘Book, bok, bok, bok, boook.’ Again the librarian gives it a book, and the chicken runs out with it. A few minutes later the chicken is back, and returns the book saying, ‘Boook, book, bok, bok, boook.’ The librarian gives the chicken a third book, but this time follows it as it runs out. The chicken runs down the street, through a park and down to the river where a frog is sitting on the bank. The chicken holds up the book to the frog, saying, ‘Book, bok, bok, boook’.

The frog replies, ‘Read-it, read-it, read-it…’

 

And my last joke is about when God decided it was time to send an angel to Earth.

*poof* All of a sudden, the angel finds himself on the side of a road in the middle of rural America. He sticks out his thumb for a ride and before long a man in a truck stops to give him a lift.
Not revealing his true identity, the angel thanks the man for stopping.
The angel: ‘Wow thank you sir, so many people just ignored me standing there.’
Man: ‘Don’t worry about it! That’s just what good people do.’
After a few minutes driving the man leans over,
Man: ‘Hey, I have this sandwich here, ya want some?’
The angel: ‘Wow, thank you sir, that’s so kind of you! I’d love some.’
A few more minutes pass and the man leans over again,
Man: ‘Hey I have a few beers in the cooler back there, want one?’
The angel: ‘Sure! I’d love one. Thank you again.”
After a few more miles down the road the man looks around suspiciously and says,
Man: ‘Hey…I uh, have a little joint here. Want to take a few puffs with me?’
The angel pauses for a second and replies,
The angel: ‘Ya know what, why not!’
So the man and the angel drive down the road smoking the joint listening to music and having a good time. Finally, the angel speaks up,
The angel:’ Okay listen! I can’t keep quiet any longer! You have been so kind, so nice, I want to tell you…I’m an angel! God sent me down here to help the people and you’ve just been so kind. What can I do to repay you? Anything!’
The man looks at the angel with a grin on his face and says, ‘Yeah, that joint was good sh1t, huh?’