Another Stupid JOW #1230

 I recently came across a new concept: Hanlon’s Razor: ‘That which is attributed to malice is more often adequately explained by stupidity.’  Nobody thinks they are the bad guy, but often the stupid things they do make others think they are.  And God knows there are a lot of stupid people out there. I do not fear artificial intelligence nearly as much as I fear human stupidity.  And there are stupid people everywhere.  To paraphrase the movie Sixth Sense “I see stupid people.  They’re all around me.  They don’t even know they are stupid.”  John Wayne warned that, “Life is hard.  It’s harder when you are stupid.”  Or George Carlin’s observation: The average person is pretty stupid, and half the people are stupider than that.  And yes, I admit that I have done some really stupid things in my life.  Here are some jokes about stupid people.

 

God must love stupid people; He made SO many of them.

 

What's the term for the number of stupid people in an area?

Duncity.

 

Only stupid people never change their minds.  I've always said that.

 

Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

 

I can't stand those stupid people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn".

Stupid firemen.

 

The oldest man in the world is lying on his deathbed.

A reporter asks him how he managed to live to be so old.
The man replies, "I just don't argue with stupid people."
The reporter tells him, "That's ridiculous."
The old man replies with, "Yes, you're right."

 

A few years back, a woman wanted to use the word acorns. What she wrote instead was egg corns, and ever since, linguists have had a new toy: ‘eggcorns’: words and phrases that people screw up.  Here are some examples of eggcorns:

• Social leopard (social leper)

• Mute point (moot point)

• Skimp milk (skimmed milk)

• Youthamism (euphemism)

•Holidays sauce Hollandaise sauce) 

 

A woman and her friend were out to lunch when the temperature drastically dropped. They stood by her friend’s truck, shivering, while the friend searched for a key to unlock the door. The woman asked, “Can’t we sit in the truck while you find your keys?”

 

While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes.

The woman asked, “Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?” 

 

Before Google, there were librarians. Here are some queries posed to the poor, suffering staff of public libraries:

• A woman wanted “inspirational material on grass and lawns.”

• “Who built the English Channel?”

• “Is there a full moon every night in Acapulco?”

• “Music suitable for a doll wedding to take place between a Shirley Temple doll and a teddy bear.”

• “Can the New York Public Library recommend a good forger?”

 

A friend of mine works at a tattoo shop. A client walked in and got a sentence tattooed on his back. A few hours later, the customer called, demanding a refund. 

Client: You did my tattoo backward! 

Tattoo artist: It’s backward? 

Client: Yes! I’m looking at it in the mirror right now!

 

A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. 

“Can you tell me what kind it is?” she asked. “Can you describe it?” 

“Yes,” she said. “It’s long and thin.”

 

A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino’s Pizza: Customer: Yo! I ordered a Pizza & it came with no Toppings on it or anything, It’s Just Bread. 

Domino’s: We’re sorry to hear about this! 

Customer (minutes later): Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down. 

 

A woman didn’t do as well on her driver’s-ed test as she’d hoped. It might have had something to do with how she completed this sentence: “When the ______ is dead, the car won’t start.” She wrote: “Driver.”

 

Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did I do on my essay? 

Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in an essay. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the sentences you apparently kidnapped in the dead of night and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interacting at a cocktail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn’t submit an essay. You submitted a hostage situation.

 

And finally, here is an article from a few years back.

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in laws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car.
He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked, and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in until someone noticed and came to her aid.
And, yes, Linda is a blonde.