21st Century JOW #1233

We are well into the 21^st Century.  Wow. I read a lot of science fiction when I was a kid in the 50’s and 60’s.  They mostly got the future wrong.  Good thing.  I am not sure I would have wanted to go on the ride if I knew where it was going.  Not personally, of course, but we have had some pretty strange twists and turns on the way to our current present.  On one hand we do not have flying cars, or even true self driving ones, but we do have easy access to lots of cat videos.  In 2024 United States not only does NASA not have any bases on the moon but it has to rely on eccentric billionaires to even get into space.  

Here are some thoughts about our current era.

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Did you know falcons only live 12-15 years? That means every falcon alive right now was born in the 21st century which makes them…

Millennium Falcons

 

Job security in the 21st century.

That’s the whole joke.

 

What's the difference between a 19th century slave and a 21st century unpaid intern?

No, seriously, I want to know.

 

A recent poll found a majority of Americans believe Big Tech is spying on them.  “No we’re not,” replied Alexa and Seri.

 

Classic nursery rhymes are too graphic for today's youth.  Here is the new modern version:

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,

And his winter wasn't half bad either.

 

Keep CRT out of our schools!

It's the 21st Century, people. LCD monitors are higher resolution and much more energy efficient than Cathode Ray Tubes!  (Although the term Cathode Ray Tube does sound kinda 21^st Century.)

 

The Kardashians are a 21^st Century feature.  You know, the Kardashians, aka ‘The mistake train.’  I mean the Kardashians nearly killed Lamar Odom, made Kanye West crazy, and turned Bruce Jenner into a woman.

 

Amazon has introduced a voice-controlled microwave.  If you need voice control to use a microwave maybe you’re too drunk to eat whatever you’re asking for.

 

Gen Z should love Popeye.  He has tattoos and has a plant-based diet.

Robbers broke into the Gap over the weekend.  The suspects are described as armed and casual.

 

I was visiting my son and last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century, old man," he said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."
I can tell you, that friggin' fly never knew what hit it ...

 

How does a pirate catcall in the 21st century?

Yo-ho!

 

We can all sleep easy at night knowing that somewhere out there the Foo Fighters are out there fighting Foo.

 

Biden cancelled student loan debt and is going to legalize weed.  After his term I bet he can get into any fraternity he wants.

 

A man at a theme park in California was recently arrested after he hopped a fence into an animal exhibit and punched a camel in the face. 

When asked why he glared at the camel and said, “He knows why.”
 

Enough jokes about modern times.  Here a few off topic ones.

·         I sometimes use big words that I don’t know the meaning of to make me seem more perpendicular.   

·         You should cut people out of your life born between June 21st and July 22.  They’re Cancer.

·         I asked where I could meet middle aged women.  They told me to go to a Renaissance Faire.  (For Bill and Debi)

·         Old is when you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police

·         I have changed my workout routine to include lunges.  They are a big step forward

·         Why does everyone associate heavy metal with Satan.  For all we know could like cool jazz.

·         I don’t know about the chicken, but the turtle crossed the road to get to the Shell station.

·         Did you ever notice the three ‘c’s in Pacific Ocean are all pronounced differently.

·         Who picks up guide dog poop?

·         I no longer ‘seize the day’.  It’s more like poking it with a stick.

·         Greenhouse gases are creating global warming.  So, blow up a greenhouse today.

 

Collie: “What do you mean I’m too controlling?”

Sheep: “You herd me.”

 

An old farmer stopped by the local mechanic’s shop to have his truck fixed. They thought it might have something to do with the transmission, so they couldn’t repair it while he waited. He told the mechanics that he didn’t live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem ― how to carry his purchases home.
While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?” The farmer replied "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can’t carry this lot."
The lady suggested "Why don’t you do this? Put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand."
"Why, thank you very much, that works just fine!" he said, and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he said "Let’s take my usual short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me ... How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t have your way with me?”
The farmer said with some irritation "Holy smokes, lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I do that?"
The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint can on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens."