Filler JOW #1235

I have been on vacation in Colorado for the last couple of weeks attending weddings and visiting family.  I have been traveling and enjoying the cool weather so much that I haven’t had time to do much for my JOW this week, just some leftover one-liners and quaint but amusing story.  Whenever I worry about the quality of my JOW I am comforted by the words of the ancient philosopher Mediocrities.   “Meh…. Good enough.”  I hope you enjoy this week’s humor.

 

As I get older and remember all the people I have lost along the way I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.

 

I am a person that wants to do lots of exciting things trapped in a body that doesn’t.

 

I finally bought a pair of shoes with memory foam.  No more walking into a room and forgetting why I walked there.

 

I asked where I could meet middle aged women.  They told me to go to a Renaissance Faire.

 

Old is when you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police

 

I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it

 

I am going to start training for an ice cream shop.  It is Sundae school.

 

A duck waddled into a beauty shop and bought some lipstick.  Then he told them to put it on his bill

 

I backed a horse at ten to one.  I came in at a quarter past two.

 

A good woman is by your side in the bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

 

What is red and bad for your teeth.  A brick

 

People in Dubai don’t like The Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi do!

 

Drinking from the skulls of your enemies is much more environmentally friendly than using plastic cups

 

Darth Vader had a wife – Ella

 

Finaly, an essay on legal wordsmithing

The beauty of a language and the art of constructing the words of the language significantly lead to their meaning. This is not a case of twisting, but of the refined manner of presentation by witty minds. A good case for reference.
One evening, after attending the theatre, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $250 to spend the night with that woman."
Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard their remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that offer."
She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment. The following morning, as he prepared to leave, the man gave her $125.
She demanded the rest of the money, stating, "If you don't give me the other $125 I'll sue you for it."
He laughed, saying "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."
Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case. His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented."
After the usual preliminaries, the lady's Lawyer addressed the court as follows:
"Your Honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $250. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance."
The defendant's Lawyer was not only surprised but also impressed AND amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. Naturally, his defense was somewhat different from the way he had originally planned to present it. He rose to the occasion!
'Your Honor," he said, "my client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted."
The young lady's lawyer answered, "Your Honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted."
In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options, "Pay the balance $125 to the plaintiff, or have the equipment detached from its current location and provided to the plaintiff for damages."
The defendant immediately paid the bill.