Feminist JOW #1248

My jokes this week are more or less about feminism and relationships.  It is hard to make jokes about feminists because they are notoriously serious… dead serious.  For example.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one.  And that’s not funny.

Then there’s:

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. It’s not the lightbulb that needs changing.

But also this one:

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Six.  One to screw in the light bulb, two to blog about the violation of the socket, and three wo secretly wish they were the socket.

 

Fortunately, the relationships between men and women provide plenty of fodder for this week’s jokes of the week.

 

Here are some feminists knocked knock jokes

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Annie.

Annie who?

Annie thing you can do I can do for eighty-seven cents on the dollar.

 

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Nana.

Nana who?

Nana your business what I’m wearing.

 

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Ice cream!

Ice cream who?

Ice cream right now if I could but then you’d say I was being hysterical.

 

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Men!

Men who?

EXACTLY.

 

Advertisements for woman and men are very different.

Ads for women: Be thin, be thick, love your body, your boobs look bigger in this, dye your hair, embrace your grays, these pants are slimming, be feminine, wear makeup, look natural, hide your age...

Women: K.

Ads for men: Men should clean up a little.

Men: Don’t tell us what to do!

 

My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday. That is ridiculous! I didn't even know it was her birthday.'

 

After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, “Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!”

 

'You can tell much about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she is holding a gun, she is probably angry.'

 

Why is girlfriend one word, but a best friend is two words? Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.

 

Of course, women and men are different, but I do not get how a female can pour boiling hot wax on her thighs, pull all the hair out, including the roots, and still be scared to death of a bug.

 

“I wish I had enough money to buy an elephant,” a woman told her husband.

“What on earth do you need an elephant for?” he asked.

“I don’t,” she replied. “I just need the money.”

 

My son wanted to know what it's like to be married. I told him to leave me alone, and when he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me.'

 

'Wives are like grenades; remove the ring, and then boom, the house is gone!

 

Little Johnny asks his dad: "How much does it cost to get married, dad?"; his dad replies: " Well, son, I'm not too sure, you see, I am still paying for it."

 

There are only two occasions where a man cannot understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage.

 

·         ‘I am’ might be the shortest sentence in the English language but ‘I do’ can be the longest.

 

·         Marriage is tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers.

 

·         90% of ghosts in films are women. Feminism is totally winning in a paranormal realm

 

·         Men who get mad when male superheroes are rebooted as women are called Thor losers.

 

·         How do Amish girls tell if it is a romantic candlelight dinner or just regular dinner?

 

·         Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger? He is trying to figure out the combination.'

 

My wife was going through her wardrobe and said: "Look! This still fits me after 20 years.”

"It's a scarf," I replied.

 

'Is Google a man or a woman? A woman of course, because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a recommendation.'

 

'My wife keeps telling everyone that she can read their minds, but she never can. She is telepathetic.'

 

At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to stay and those who don’t.  The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

 

A woman is a lot like a telephone. She likes for a man to hold her, talk to her, and touch her frequently. But push the wrong button, and click, you’ve been disconnected.

 

It is my wife's birthday tomorrow; she has been leaving jewelry catalogues all around the house, so I bought her a magazine stand.

 

My wife wants me to blow air on her when she overheats, but to be honest... I am not a fan.

 

My wife just stopped and said: "You weren't even listening, were you?" I thought: "That is a pretty weird way to start a conversation."

 

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one.  The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

 

"When I married Donna, I could get both hands around her waist," said the old man. Pointing at his full-figured wife, he boasted, "Now look how much I got. That's what I call an investment!"

And finally, an old but still funny bit of humor.

A husband and wife were in bed when this conversation started.

WIFE: What would you do if I died?  Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: Definitely not!

WIFE: Why not – don’t you like being married?
HUSBAND: Of course I do.

WIFE: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
HUSBAND: Okay, I’d get married again.

WIFE: Would you live in our house?
HUSBAND: Sure, it’s a great house.

WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?

WIFE: Would you let her drive my car?
HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new.

WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?
HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE Would she use my golf clubs?
HUSBAND: No, she’s left-handed.