Sporting JOW #1346

It is that magical time of year when all four major sports are playing at the same time.  You can see every kind of sport on TV with the exception of whatever particular game you want to see.  Here are some jokes about as many sports as I could come up with.

 

What is the National Sport of the United States of America?

Depends on which one is on TV right now.

 

I am a little worried about the future of the sport of Olympic skiing.

It’s just going downhill - Fast.

 

Reverse origami is my favorite sport.

I love watching the action unfold.

 

What’s harder to catch the faster you run?

Your breath.

 

What’s the difference between the Washington Commanders and a dollar bill?
You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

 

What happened to the joke that Carson Wentz told his receivers?
It went over their heads.

 

Where does a majority of a hockey player’s salary come from?

The tooth fairy.

 

I watched hockey before it was cool.
They basically were swimming.

 

I wanted to buy a hockey stadium.
But unfortunately, my realtor could only give me a ballpark estimate.

 

What’s the difference between hockey and wrestling?

In hockey, the fights are real.

 

How are hockey players paid?
With checks.

 

My neighbor told me his dog retrieved a pickleball two miles from the nearest courts.

 

Sounds far-fetched. I had to use my glasses while playing pickleball.
It’s a no-contacts sport.

 

I’m okay with my pickleball doubles partner poaching my shots, but we were in a bar

 

Which sport does the grim Reaper play?

Sickle Ball

 

What's a philosopher’s favorite sport?

Discuss

 

What do the Atlanta Falcons and possums have in common?
Both play dead at home and get squashed on the road!

 

It’s a good thing our favorite sports drink was invented at University of Florida…

If it was developed at Florida State University, Gatorade might have been called Seminole Fluid instead.

 

Have you guys tried the new sport of blindfold archery?

You don't know what you're missing.

 

What sport is played by angry French people?

Lacrosse

 

Paintball is a very violent sport

It involves a lot of dyeing

 

Why are tennis players bad at relationships?

Because love means nothing to them

 

What is Sean Connery's favorite sport, and what time does he like to play?

Tennish.

 

Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer?

They watch cricket, instead.

 

What does a Bulls fan do after watching his team win?
Rewind the tape.

 

What’s the difference between time and a ball hog?
Time passes.

 

Did you hear the Atlanta Hawks don’t have a website?
They can’t string three W’s together.

 

Why can’t basketball players go on vacation?

They get penalized for travelling.

 

Why didn’t Jesus play hockey?

Because soccer and baseball are much more popular in Mexico.

 

What sport does the Kool-Aid man play?

Baseball. He's a pitcher.

 

Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he throws the ball?

If he raises them both, he’d fall down.

 

When should baseball players wear armor?

When they’re playing knight games.

 

Did you hear? Detroit is building a new stadium at an undisclosed location.

They’re keeping it a secret because they’re afraid the Tigers might find out and try to play there.

 

Where do you keep your baseball mitt while driving?

In the glove compartment.

 

An apartment building caught fire.  A woman screamed out the window for help.

“Just jump out the window,” a man yells.

“I’m a baseball player. I can catch you.”

“Wait,” she says. “What team do you play for?”

“The Cincinnati Reds,” shouts the man.

“Ehhhh,” shrugs the woman. “I’ll take my chances with the fire.”

 

I love the fall. It gives me a chance to sit at home and watch the World Series.

Just like the Mets.

 

What do you get when you cross a running back and the Invisible Man?

Scoring like no one has ever seen.

 

What is a boxer’s favorite part of a joke?

The punchline!

 

What’s the hardest part about skydiving?

The ground

 

I'm outfitting my large boat for sport fishing.

Ship just got reels.

 

Drag racing is an amazing favorite sport

I'm just so amazed at how fast they can run in heels.

 

Why did the basketball player go to jail?

Because he shot the ball.

 

At age 20 men play basketball
At age 40 men play tennis
At age 60 men play golf
The moral of the story is the older you get the smaller your balls get.

 

Soccer is famous for the rough behavior of the fans

A football hooligan appeared in court charged with disorderly conduct and assault. The arresting officer, giving evidence, stated that the accused had thrown something into the canal. `What exactly was it that he threw into the canal' asked the magistrate.

'Stones, sir.'

'Well, that's hardly an offence is it?'

'It was in this case, sir,' said the police officer. 'Stones was the referee.

 

And finally,

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
Sandy approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said she was.
A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself.
Approaching again, Sandy offered "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The girl hesitated, then said "Okay." looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"
"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation "I'm the goalie!"