Monday, April 14, 2014

AT Hiking Adventure



I conceived a notion to go hiking on the Appalachian Trail this summer.  The AT is a continuously linked series of marked trails that stretches from Maine to northern Georgia running along the Appalachian Mountains that form the eastern spine of the North American continent.  Opened in the 1940s the AT covers a distance of about 2200 miles through wild mountain country.  There are about 250 simple shelters along the route usually with a privy and nearby spring.  There are ample descriptions both in print and online of the routes and the terrain to be expected.  It all seems rustically romantic.

The reality of actually hiking the trail is somewhat different.  Let me give you some idea of what it is really like to hike the AT.  First, you need to wear some comfortable clothes; some you really like because you will not be changing them very often.  Then take a backpack; one with some weight to it.  Put in a concrete block for starters.  Shoulder this burden and then take a walk.  Imagine a big city where almost all the people are gone for some reason.  Now think of a parking garage, a big one, one that is still got construction going on so that there are all sorts of boards, blocks and debris strewn around the ramps.  Now, with your pack on your back walk up ten or twelve levels of ramps, stepping over and around the stuff on the ramps.  When you reach the top look around for a moment, then go to the other side and walk down.  Do that to three or four similar structures, each a block down from the rest.  Then climb up the stairs of a sky scraper - a big one.   It is not unusual to see elevation changes of +1,000 feet on segments of the AT, which is more than the height of the Empire State building.  So after you do those half dozen big parking garages, walk to the top of that sky scraper carrying your pack.  Look around and then climb back down to do a few more of those 10 story garages.  Remember, you cannot hold on to the banister, either, adding to the chance that you will take a serious tumble if you are not careful.  Oh, and you cannot use your cell phone, either; no coverage.

At the end of your day, it is time to camp.  Think of joining a bunch of nice homeless people on the street.  Of course, the only toilet you can use is one of those porta-potties you see around construction sites.  Dinner is warmed up dehydrated food, prepared by adding heated water to a pouch.  You can get water, but only cold water.  You sleep on a pad about ½ inches ‘thick’.  The next morning you eat your packaged breakfast and do it again.  Every three to five days you might be able to spend the night in a hostel.  Think of a bunk in your local homeless shelter.  But at least there is plumbing available and a hot meal there.  That is a mere simulation of back country hiking.
Of course actually walking the trail is much harder than this.  The paths are full of large rocks and roots so you have to be careful of where you place your feet.  You walk rain or shine.  That means the trails, which often are cut into +65 degree slopes are wet and treacherous.  A slip could lead to a very nasty fall.  Likewise the boulders that you must clamber over also become slick in the rain.  A sprained ankle is no joke when you are five miles from any road and there is no cell phone coverage.  As far as I am concerned the whole Appalachian Trail is giant outdoor sanatorium for non-violent lunatics.  

Every year an estimated between 2-3 million people hike at least some portion of the AT.  And about 3,000 fools, called thru-hikers, set out to trip to hike the entire length of the AT in one season.  About a quarter of them actually complete the feat, typically taking five to seven months.
So, if the Appalachian Trail is so difficult why do so many people chose to hike it?  There are a lot of reasons.  First, doing any long hike in the outdoors is a challenge, one that you can tailor to your own level, from a short, simple day hike to hiking the entire length of the trail.  Many people simply enjoy being out of doors, especially wilderness areas.  They appreciate the wild beauty and incredible variety of the AT.  We went from freezing fog and rocky alpine evergreen terrain to rolling deciduous forest, to open moorlands, to open green pastures, to lush rhododendron plants which overhung the path all in one day.  It was almost like walking from one planet to another.  “Just a typical day on the AT,” commented one through-hiker.  Many hikers like the fact that hiking takes us back to the basics.  Usually there is no cell phone coverage, never mind the internet.  In fact, hiking the AT is very simple; not easy, but simple.  You have few concerns, but they are major concerns: what will the weather be?  How far will I need to walk tomorrow and what will the terrain be like?  There are other lesser concerns as well, such as how your equipment is holding up, water and food requirements, and other very mundane concerns.  That is why they are so basic: they are mundane – of the physical world which is emphatically where you are.  And there is a real attraction to some people spending time simply thinking about the basics, because tending to those basics is so essential.

Of course many more people do shorter segments or just day hike the trail.  At least in these cases the discomfort is of shorter duration.   There are a number of benefits to even short trips.  For one thing hiking is a certain way to lose weight.  It is estimated that a hiker will typically burn ~5-8 thousand calories a day.  Further, the activity seems to dampen your appetite.  I personally lost between eight and ten pounds over four days.  That is not unusual for the early stages of a hike.  Hiking in remote areas also provides a welcome break from our routine.  There is plenty of enforced ‘alone time’ to think.  That can be a curse to some, but when you are engaged in consistent, demanding physical effort, for some reason things become clearer and problems less tangled.  

 So how was my own experience?  I had a long way to go to find out.  I drove from my home in The Woodlands to Hattiesburg, MS, where I met up with my friend David who was visiting there himself from his home in Lake Oswego, Oregon.  We left bright and early the next morning to head up to Banner Elk NC, a tiny place east of Boone, where my nephew Andy had graciously offered to put us up and then drive us to and from the AT.  Since it was about 650 miles or so with the last hundred winding through mountain roads I planned on spending a day after we arrived to rest and prepare for the hike.  However, with the help of David and a book tape we arrived in good time feeling ready to go.   

It is a testament to modern GIS systems that we were able to find Andy’s home.  You do not ‘pass by’ where Andy and Lacy live. Andy and Lacy live way up on a hill back in the hills right where the North Carolina, Tennessee, Virginia borders meet.  It is a lovely place to bring up their two young daughters, Maddie and Ceci.  After some debate, and looking at the weather which was predicted to be rainy on Monday we decided to go a day early, leaving Friday and having Andy pick us up in Damascus, Virginia on that rainy Monday instead of Tuesday.  As David put it, ‘you do not want to have to make camp with wet gear.’   

Andy dutifully dropped us off at Grayson Heights State Park, a goodly distance from his home.  On the way there he swung through Damascus and showed us a coffee shop where he could pick us up on Monday afternoon.  Assuming we made it.

IMG_0031.JPG begining the hike.jpg
Andy and Lacy’s home in the woods                   Tom and Dave at the start of the adventure

We headed up the hills into Grayson Heights State Park around 1030 on Friday, 4 April.  Our planned route on the first day would be only six and half miles up to the Thomas Knob shelter, located near Mt. Rodgers, the highest point in Virginia.  Although relatively short, we would have a climb of around 1400 feet.  What did not dawn on me was that we were starting at around 4,000 feet which meant we would be spending the night up pretty high, fairly far north, very early in April.  

The hike started well - we were fresh and set a good pace.  The AT is generally well marked using a white blazes of paint about six inches by two inches.  The path is usually very obvious.  Almost immediately we encountered our first Nobo (north bound) thru-hiker, a young man wearing shorts and a determined expression.  He informed us that he had been on the trail for 39 days.  ‘About 14 miles a day; you get used to it.’  Wow.  He had started hiking in February during the worst winter in 40 years.  He was moving on and did not stay to chat.

We had not been walking thirty minutes before Dave asked me, ‘Did that should like thunder to you?’  It was.  We soon began to feel rain drops and so quickly put on our pack covers; so much for our plan of avoiding the weather.  We were both well equipped with rain gear so we moved on between intermittent showers, so many so that I had to remove my rain-streaked glasses.  The path was mostly over rocks, which grew slippery as we climbed steadily past the painted white blazes.   It grew colder and the wind began to gust hard.  Abruptly we came to a shelter hard by the trail, much sooner than we had expected – around four hours into the hike.  I was glad for the cover.  We found space in the shelter with a couple who were north bound.  Soon they were dried out and headed on.  David and I set up on the wooden floor of the shelter and wandered about.  The spring was down about a hundred yards away from the direction the shelter opened to and with the wind now blowing strongly, it was a cold walk.  On the other side the ground also fell away but with low evergreens which provided a surprising amount of protection from the wind.  The terrain on that side was very different from the treeless tundra-like windward side of the ridge.  Low evergreens shrouded moss-covered boulders in an altogether softer atmosphere. 
I was surprised to be comfortable in just my thermal undershirt and fishing shirt.  We were so far ahead of schedule I was even able to take a short nap in my summer weight mummy bag (rated for 32 degrees) before dinner.  I had heard the forecasted low that night would be about 32, so I planned on bundling up inside the bag.  This was stupidity based in part on inexperience and part on, well, sheer stupidity.  First, I did not know that synthetic fill sleeping bags like mine tend to lose effectiveness over time.  My bag, like most of my equipment, was a legacy from my Eagle Scout son Travis and was over ten years old.  Second, I did not consider that the forecast was for a place a thousand feet lower than the shelter.  Finally, I did not think about what might happen if the winds which were now blowing hard increased to over 30 knots with gusts even higher, and what would happen when freezing fog and sleet moved in.  When those things happened an hour or so before midnight combined with a wind shift that changed the shelter from merely drafty to downright windy.  It also went from uncomfortably chilly to very cold.  David responded by moving up to the shelter’s loft where he passed a reasonable night.  I instead lay down below and literally shivered through the night, trying various ineffective palliative measures such as putting on another pair of socks and bringing my towel into the sleeping bag.  Of course I did not think about the silver space blanket I keep in my daypack; just another of my blunders that night.  All in all I think it was just about the most uncomfortable night I have spent since the one in ICU.
I was delighted to see the first lightening of dawn, which revealed the low evergreens opposite the opening covered in a proper Christmas coating of white frost.  Freezing wisps of fog blew past the entrance.  Once I was up, dressed, and moving around I started warming up.  Hot coffee and oatmeal finished the job and we hit the trail.  David and I knew that this would be the longest leg of our trip: about 12 ½ miles to Lost Mountain Shelter, and even though it was primarily downhill, the hardest leg as well.  We had no idea how hard it would be.  We made good time for the first hour.  Then when stopped after an hour and took off our packs I noticed that I no longer had my sleeping bag and pad that I had on top of my pack.  Somehow they had come off and I had not noticed.  There was nothing for it but to go back and find it.  I shucked my pack while Dave stayed behind and waited.  I found the pad about ¾ of a mile back down the trail – the sleeping bag about another ¼ farther on.  I hurried back to David, well aware that my boneheaded blunder cost us about an hour of time.  It also put an extra two unnecessary miles on my legs.  I would pay for my carelessness later in the day.   

Despite the unnecessary delay we were able to track right along, moving from alpine regions to deciduous-covered hills, and eventually down to a golden meadow that lead up and over another hill, thence down to a road at the foot of a very serious hill.  We took our lunch break there and headed up the hill, feeling confident.  

I was to find out that everyone tends to walk at a different speed on the trail.  David was slightly faster than me on level terrain, a bit faster downhill, significantly faster when it came to negotiating uneven footing and vastly faster going uphill.  David goes uphill relentlessly, trying to walk those upgrades into submission.  My style was more take a few steps, then take a few more. 

P1000716.JPG Long winding road.JPGTom at Thomas Knob in the afternoon with gray sky           Tom and Dave on the long winding road

The day, and the hill, went on and on.  David held back waiting on me until we made it to the top of that long grade.  There was a spring just past there we used.  Springs were fairly common there; usually a horizontal pipe or gutter came out of the ground where the water was welling up so it was easier to fill your bottles.  Although we were assured the water was safe to drink, we still put the purification pills in – well usually.  One thing for certain: the fresh mountain spring water was perfectly delicious.  

It was around 1430 and David estimated we were just past the halfway point.  Because I was not carrying a tent I needed a spot in the shelter.  David said he would walk ahead to reserve me a place.  We figured that the last six miles had to be downhill so we could probably make the next shelter in two and a half or three hours.  We were wrong.  Although we lost a total of nine hundred feet over the twelve and a half miles there were two places where there were serious hills.  He had just climbed one; another waited a few miles down the track.  

I felt pretty good the first couple of hours walking down that hill.  The ground changed substantially as I walked down.  I crossed a gravel road and entered a green pasture.  That lead to a stunning lane, overhung with rhododendron; it looked like something from Better Homes and Gardens.  The trail led through a number of low, heavily overgrown hills, eventually crossing a paved road.  This was unexpected.  On the other side of the road the trail led through more undergrowth and then up a hill – a sneaky big one.  By this time the sun was trending down.  By my calculations I should have been there by now.  Had a somehow walked past the shelter?  There was no help for it but to keep on trudging up that long hill.   At times I thought I heard voices – oh boy, the shelter!  But each time I just being optimistic; the trail just went on and up.  I was running out of energy.  My pack began to weigh on my shoulders.  Later I would find that this was because my pack belt needed to be tightened by more than an inch.  Worse, I was almost out of water.  My backup plan if I did not find the shelter by dark was to find a level place near the trail and sleep outside.  It was not as cold as the night before and the wind was down.  I had the stove so I could make a meal.  Then it dawned on me – without water I could not cook a meal.  Adding to my miseries, after ten hours of walking I was beginning to get chafed.  I had Vaseline in my pack, but I did not want to stop and dig it out.  All in all Tom was pretty darn cranky at that point.  I finally saw the top of the ridgeline just as the sun was touching it.  Shortly thereafter I smelled smoke, and – there it was, the Lost Mountain shelter.  

There was room for six in the shelter and five thru-hikers were already there.  Dave had saved me a place and pitched his tent.  I ditched my pack and hobbled down to the spring.  There was still ample light for me to tend to my physical problems, change clothes, set up for the night, and prepare dinner.  Although Dave had had an easier time than I, that did not mean he had an easy time.  After dinner he went straight to bed.  I stayed up for a while chatting with these men who had walked over five hundred miles over the past month or so and would be hiking like this for another four or five more months.  

The life of a thru-hiker is by necessity austere.  It is almost like taking several months’ worth of monastic vows of simplicity, poverty, and walking.  Most of them are either in their early twenties (pre-work) or their sixties (post-work).  They tend to be very nice people who are lean and fit.
To my astonishment my long hard walk (14.5 miles in 10 ½ hours) left me with virtually no aches and pains.  I guess walking is inherently a low impact activity.  For whatever reason, neither Dave nor I had any really joint pain or sore muscles during our hike.  

P1000718.JPGP1000755.JPG
Tom on the trail amidst trees on a rare flat place               David against some rocks and rhododendrons

The next day would be an easy one – only six and half miles to the Saunders Shelter.  We took our time getting underway but still were on the trail an hour after light.  Other than breakfast there is not much else to do on the trail but get ready.  We must have been getting more accustomed to hiking as things were much easier on the third day.  David moved ahead with promises to leave marks to direct me to the Saunders Shelter.  

We noticed a several things while walking, aside from a few walking staffs almost everyone had what they called tracking sticks; what I thought were ski poles.  Something like that is absolutely essential.  We would each have fallen several times a day without the support they provided.  Further, they reduce the stress put on your lower body.  I found it interesting that not only were there a number of young women walking alone in the wilderness, no one even remarked upon it.  That, in and of itself, is a testament to how safe people feel on the trail.  We did notice several dogs accompanying their masters on the long walk.  Most had dog packs that carried dog food, and in one case, a small rug for sleeping.  We saw a fair number of people on the trail, perhaps a hundred, mostly heading the opposite direction which is only to be expected.  There was one only minority, a young Asian woman.  Discussion with experienced hikers confirmed that wilderness hiking is definitely a Caucasian pursuit.  No one seemed to know why.  

I was fortunate that as I approached the Saunders shelter around 1430 to encounter several NOBO hikers who assured me the shelter was just ahead.  For the only time on our hike I became a bit confused about the trail.  I saw some blue blazes which indicate a path to water.  I not only needed to get more water, I also knew the shelter would be close by the water.  Somehow I managed to get to the shelter from the wrong direction, surprising David who was watching out for me. 
Like the other shelters, Saunders was a three sided timber structure located near a spring.  There was a simple privy the other direction.  No water there, and bring your own TP, but clean enough.  Two segment hikers joined us later in the day.  They would be out for ‘just’ a month before returning to work.  The next day, Monday, was still supposed to be rainy so we all made preparations for the wet predicted on the morrow.  It was humbling to hear that these two men expected to hike the two segments that took us two days, one of them a hard day, in one day.  Youth and experience are a strong combination.  We were a bit concerned that the shelter log book said that the shelter had lots of mice, a common problem.  You do not hang your food from trees to protect them from bears; you dangle them from cords with lids blocking the pesky little rodents from getting to your snacks.  In the event, the mice were not a problem – okay, a couple ran over David’s face as he slept, but that is okay; he is a tough veteran Navy Seal.

We did get the expected rain about 0200, which felt cozy in the shelter, and as predicted it was still raining lightly as dawn broke.  We had nine and half miles to go to reach our pickup point in Damascus and were on the AT by 0830.   The rain slackened and then ended within an hour.  The only problem was that the steep downhill trail was slick.  It is no joke to slide off the trail when it is cut back and forth into a  very steep slope going down several hundred feet.  Your best hope would be that a sturdy tree truck would stop your slide, although probably at the expense of some broken bones.  Much of the AT is out of cell phone range; our segments certainly were.  If you are hurt you have to find a way to hike out to the nearest road.  Sprains, breaks, snake bites, and illnesses happen, but the death toll is somehow very low.

Despite the conditions we made good time getting down the long slope of the hill.  We were moving well, right next to a beautiful mountain stream when I noticed the Virginia Creeper trail on the far side of the little river.  That is a bike/hiking trail that runs through Damascus. 
‘Hey, Dave,’ I pointed, ‘that goes where we are going, and it is nice and wide and even, and does not go over that hill up ahead.  Too, bad it is on the other side of the river.’ 
‘I saw a footbridge.  Let’s get on that trail.’  There are advantages and disadvantages to hiking with a Seal.  Yes, David is very fit, and treats hiking up a mountain as a personal challenge, leaving lesser mortals (that would be me) far behind.  On the other hand he is resourceful.  And he cheats whenever he can.
Dave on Bridge.JPGSenic Hike sights.JPG
David on the bridge on the last day                 A scenic creek; usually we were too involved to take photos

Five minutes later we were on a nice flat stretch of trail making excellent time.  It was so nice I was even able to keep up with David.  Although the Creeper Trail was a bit longer than the AT route, it was so nice we walked about three times faster.  Soon we were paralleling a black top road that led into Damascus.  

When we saw we were actually entering the outskirts of town I called Andy to let him know.  He was astonished that we had covered the nine and a half miles in just over four hours.  So were we.  That did not stop us from heading to a lovely local coffee shop where we had coffee and then breakfast – a big one.

I have to admit that hiking the AT was much more demanding than I expected.  However, I admit that most of my problems were due to my general inexperience and specific dumbshittedness.  We did not take many photos in part because the going was too tough, I had to manage my cell phone battery, and frankly the terrain was not all that scenic.  It was a bit too early in the year for flowers or even much early growth.  We were fortunate that Andy provided us with hospitality, 
transportation, guidance, and some necessary loaned items – a lightweight stove and some warm wool socks.  We are indebted to both him and his lovely wife Lacy.

Besides, it was supposed to be difficult, challenging, and a bit dangerous.  It was not a vacation, it was an adventure.


Monday, March 31, 2014

Great Outdoors JOW #708



I have been pretty regular in getting my Jokes of the Week out over the years.   I have only missed four weeks since I started posting them on my blog back in 2008.  I will probably have to miss next week, however as I will be on the Appalachian Trail, backpacking with my friend David.  It is not that there will not be internet access – I just don’t want to carry a laptop.  Frankly, one of the blessings of a trip back to nature is that you can escape the omnipresent interconnectedness foisted upon our modern society. 
My jokes this week focus more or less on the Great Outdoors and our reactions to it. 

============================

A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack.
The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him "get out of here".
"Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down."
The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," said the man.
The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man.
"You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack.
The little man laughed and answered back, "Oh sure, that's what they call it now!"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A visitor to Glacier National Park in Montana attempted to lure a ground squirrel by dangling the keys out in front of the critter.  The squirrel popped out, grabbed the keys and ran down a hole with them.
The keys were never retrieved, a ranger cited the man for harassment of wildlife, and they had to call a locksmith to make new car keys.

------------------------------------
A camper at Long Pine Key in Everglades National Park decided to take a dip in the lake despite signs saying "No swimming--Danger--Alligators."  She swam to an island about 75 yards from the shore, then saw some alligators and refused to swim back.
"Didn't you see the signs?" asked the ranger who retrieved her in a canoe.
"Sure," she said, "but I didn't think they applied to me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 In 1993 a woman called 911 from the top of Half Dome using her cell phone.  According to dispatch, she reported: "Well, I'm at the top and I'm really tired."
The answering ranger asked if she felt sick.
 "No," she said, "I'm just really tired and I want my friends to drive to the base and pick me up."
The dispatcher explained that she would have to hike down the trail she had ascended.
The visitor replied, "But you don't understand, I'm really tired." 
What happened next?  
"It turned out we got really lucky," the ranger reported, “it seems her phone battery suddenly died."

********************
These are actual comments left on US Forest Service comment cards by
backpackers completing wilderness camping trips:

* "Escalators would help on steep uphill sections."
* "Instead of a permit system for hikers, the Forest Service needs to
reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness."
* "Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands."
* "Found a smouldering cigarette left by a horse."
* "Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go
uphill."
* "Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs.  Please spray
the wilderness to rid the area of these pests."
* "Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter."
* "Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful
views without having to hike to them."
* "Need more signs to keep area pristine."
* "A McDonald's would be nice at the trailhead."
* "The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."
* "Too many rocks in the mountains."

The National Parks also get their share of comments and questions by people who do not quite get the concept of wilderness.

Grand Canyon National Park:
Was this man-made?
Do you light it up at night?
I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom--where is it?
Is the mule train air-conditioned?
So where are the faces of the presidents?
"Why did the Indians only build ruins?" 

Everglades National Park:
Are the alligators real?
Are the baby alligators for sale?
Where are all the rides?
What time does the two o'clock bus leave?

Mesa Verde National Park:
Did people build this, or did Indians?
Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?
What did they worship in the kivas--their own made-up religion?
Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?

Carlsbad Caverns National Park:
How much of the cave is underground?
So what's in the unexplored part of the cave?
Does it ever rain in here?
How many Ping-Pong balls would it take to fill this up?
So what is this--just a hole in the ground?

Yosemite National Park:
Where are the cages for the animals?
What time of year do you turn on Yosemite Falls?
What happened to the other half of Half Dome?
Can I get my picture taken with the carving of President Clinton?

Denali National Park:
What time do you feed the bears?
What's so wonderful about Wonder Lake?
Can you show me where yeti lives?
How often do you mow the tundra?
How much does Mount McKinley weigh?
"What time do they let the animals out in the park?" 

Yellowstone National Park:
Does Old Faithful erupt at night?
How do you turn it on?
When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?
We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 
Having grown up in New York City, the city boy barely knew a cow from an ear of corn. Until, that is, he met and married a small town girl from Ohio. His first visit back to her home included going to a small country church.  He was trying real hard on the first Sunday to fit in...maybe too hard. With his wife sitting beside him in her childhood church he was asked by the pastor  to say something about himself.   
Trying to be honest, he began with, “I never saw a cow until I met my wife.”

Finally a non outdoors joke:

Looking over the log book kept by the computer support staff at my office, the IT manager noticed several entries stating the problem was PICNIC.  He asked one of the technicians what PICNIC meant. He explained  it meant..."Problem In Chair, Not In Computer."


Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Existentialist JOW #706




For no particular reason I decided to try to do some Jokes of the Week about existentialism.  This may seem a pointless or even ridiculous choice to some.  I can’t help it – I went to a fine liberal arts college and sometimes stuff (that word is a euphemism) like this just sort of floats up.
The Frenchman Jean Paul Sarte was a well known advocate (if that word could be used) for the philosophy of existentialism.  This philosophy in part claims that life is empty and meaningless; that that struggling was pointless since everything ended up inevitably in surrender and death.  (Come to think of it, that pretty well sums up French military history for the last couple hundred years.)  Sarte famously claimed that ‘Hell is other people,’ which is probably why no one ever invited him to dinner parties.   I guess existentialism is okay of you are into that Sarte of thing.
It is easy to mock existentialism - they think life is ridiculous; the rest of humanity holds that existentialism is what is ridiculous.  Fortunately, existentialism is such a ridiculous philosophy it will never be widely accepted.  Good thing, too.  Existentialists would like to add postscripts at the end of fairy tales that say ‘but, of course everyone goes into death alone.’ right after ‘and they all lived happily ever after,’

Or to put it another way, existentialists do it pointlessly.

Here is what a press release would be like in an existentialist world:
SCHAUMBURG, IL—In an ultimately futile act some have described as courageous and others have called a mere postponing of the inevitable, existentialist firefighter James Farber delayed three deaths Monday.
"I'm no hero," Farber said after rescuing the family from a house fire on the 2500 block of West Thacker Street, and prolonging for the time being their slow march toward oblivion. "Like any other man, I am thrown into this world, alone and terrified, to play a meaningless role in an empty life. In my case, that role happens to involve charging through towering blazes to pull helpless individuals from a sea of flames before they suffocate or are burnt alive."
While acknowledging that the Morgenstern family no longer has a home, authorities said it really makes no sense to bemoan this fact, as things like this happen every day, and it's no use trying to pretend that, in and of itself, existence is anything but a provisional circumstance over which we exert limited control.
Though the cause of the fire remains unknown, and can perhaps never truly be known, sources close to the investigation said that no foul play is suspected, only the haphazard, amoral processes inherent in nature itself.
"The house will be rebuilt, or perhaps it won't," Farber said of the destruction. "Perhaps an entirely new building will be built there, one that's not even a house. Or maybe it will remain a vacant lot, and a tree will grow there, and some day, long after I and everyone I know has died, young children will come here and play in its branches.  Or not."

++++++++++++++++++++++
If you asked an existential GPS where you were it would reply either, “Exactly where you should be.”  Or “You are here for no apparent reason.”
----------------------------
And then there was a single existential sock who asked, “Have you ever considered that maybe you’re the one who is lost?”

********************
Taking a long car trip with an existentialist family would be different.
Kid: “Dad, I have ennui.”
Father: “Well you should have made peace with the absurdity of human existence before you got in the car.”

·         Existential Angst: running young minds since 1938

Here are some words that do not exist – but should.
Defecately - A more dignified way to say "Shit Yeah!" so you don't sound uneducated in the presence of others.
Scoratorium - The purposeful avoidance of all forms of media or communication which might disclose the results of a sporting event...
Delazify - Prying one's fat butt off the couch to get stuff done.
Touron - A combination of a tourist and a moron.
Libidinous - Full of sexual lust, lustful, lewd, lascivious.
Brinksmanshit - When two or more parties have entered separate bathroom stalls at nearly the same time and deliberately delay moving...

Cousin Bil sent me some reasons why – “It is good to be a man.”
The garage is all ours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
We can never be pregnant.
We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park; actually we can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell us the truth.
The world is our urinal.
We never have to drive to another gas station because the restroom is just too icky.
We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at our chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
We know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
We can open all our own jars.
If someone forgets to invite you to an event they can still be your friend.
Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are enough.
Everything on our face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
We only have to shave our face and neck.
We can play with toys all our life.
One color for all seasons.
We can wear shorts no matter how our legs look.
We can 'do' our nails with a pocket knife.
We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.