Angry JOW #1238

 Recent events have highlighted just how angry everyone seems to be these days.  After the attempt on Donald Trump’s life, politicians have been trying to lower the temperature a bit.  Even Hillary Clinton chimed in, I think her statement was something like, “We deeply regret to hear of Donald Trump’s recent suicide attempt.” 

So, I thought I would put out a set of jokes mostly about anger.  I hope they make you laugh instead of getting mad.

 

I always thought I had anger issues and was anti-social

But I went back on social media, and it turns out I am relatively well adjusted and normal.

 

I received a flier on anger management the other day

I lost it

 

So, I just started anger management

Apparently, it's all the rage right now

 

Today I angered two people by calling them "hipsters"

Apparently, the correct term is "conjoined twins"

 

I think I might have accidentally angered my doctor during my physical...

He told me, "That does it! The gloves are coming off!"

 

I’m so angry I just smashed my keyboard.

I lost Ctrl.

 

I got really angry with my car navigation today. I even yelled at it to go to hell.

And it gave me directions to my mother-in-law’s house.

 

Behind every angry woman.

is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

 

I get SO ANGRY whenever I see someone with their wallet chained to their belt

I can't take it.

 

I called the anger management helpline.

They told me to piss off and call back later.

 

I slapped my violin out of anger

I got arrested for domestic violins

 

I ordered a Thesaurus recently, when it arrived all the pages were blank

I have no words to describe my anger

 

I've recently developed a treatment for anger management issues.

It's called "Damitol".

 

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...

Well, that sounds great, but then should I keep the letters?

 

I was at an exposition when I started getting harassed by a very aggressive salesman; when he saw I was losing my cool he sarcastically asked, "What would Jesus do?"

So, I flipped over his table and chased him from the building with a whip.

 

After seeing my new tattoo, my angered wife retaliated by getting a breast reduction...

tit for tat.

 

Some angry riddles.

What do you call a big white arctic bear had random anger fits about his gender

A bi-polar bear.

 

How to make a person with anger issues angry?

Tell them that they have anger issues.

 

What do you call a protein that has anger management issues?

Amino acid!

 

What is the one type of person that will never get angry?

A nomad.

 

Why do pirates leave the bathroom angry?

Because after the P is gone, they're just Irate.

 

What is round and angry?

A vicious circle.

 

If “ire” is an old-fashioned synonym for anger,

Is Ireland the land of angry people?

 

There’s no need to be angry at lazy people.

They didn't do anything.

 

"You wouldn't like me when I'm angry... Because I always back up my rage with facts and well documented sources"   -The Credible Hulk

 

The devil has started to get really self-conscious about his receding hairline and is planning to take out his anger on the humans if he can’t find a solution.

There's going to be hell toupee

 

 

"May your generations be childless for a thousand years!" yelled my best friend in anger.

He never did think his curses through...

 

And three less angry jokes

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all...

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.
The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.
So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears?"
Full of anger, the blonde replies, "How on earth you could ask such a question!? I'm not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears; I use D during the day and N at night."

---------------

 

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter walks up to a counter in a department store and asks,
"W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.
The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
Again, the clerk doesn't answer him.
The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"
And the clerk just seems to ignore him.
Finally, the guy storms away in anger.
The customer who was waiting in line behind the muscular guy asks the clerk, "Why wouldn't you answer that guy's question?"
The clerk replies, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"

 

A Man Is Driving Down a Highway, When He Sees a Priest Hitchhiking

So, being a good catholic, he picks him up. They drive a bit further down the highway, when the man then spots a well-known lawyer hitchhiking as well. Remembering that this man represented his ex-wife during their divorce, an impulse of anger causes him to aim his car right at the lawyer. He then recalls the priest in his car, and at the last minute, swerves to miss him. The man then turns to the priest and says, "Father, forgive me, I nearly hit that lawyer!"
The Priest responds with, "Don't worry, my son, he was my altar boy’s lawyer too, I got him with the door!"