Sibling JOW #1239

My JOWs are considered to be family friendly.  Of course, when you consider how some brothers and sisters scrap I am not sure how friendly is always is.  I was fortunate to grow up in a family where we got along pretty well, especially since mom and dad clearly loved me more than my sisters.  So here are some jokes about siblings.  Enjoy.

My brother couldn’t pay his water bill.

So I sent him a “Get well soon” card.

 

The difference between a sibling and a half-sibling is…. apparent

 

His parents told little Johnnie they wanted another child

I’d love a sibling,” he replied.

“That’s not what we meant.”

My sister once told me that “Even if you were an only child, you still wouldn’t be Mom and Dad’s favorite.” 

 

My twin brother likes to take the stairs, but I always prefer the elevator.

We are raised differently

 

A Cajun asked her brother how come he only uses his superpowers on her daughters.

He told her it’s because he only has telekinesis not telekinephews.

 

What does a transgender person call their straight sibling?

Little cis

 

My sisters and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids.

But I laugh more.

 

“The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing your brother’s cast.” 

 

My mother asked me to hand out invitations to my brother’s surprise party. That’s when I realized he was her favorite twin. 

 

Home schooling can be competitive.  Two sisters had a spelling bee.

“Spell ‘elephant,'” the older one challenged her younger sis

“Let her spell small animals, not big ones,” said her mom.

The older sister paused, then said, “Spell ‘mosquito.'”

 

Few people know that Albert Einstein had a brother that was an evil scientist who created a monster from body parts.

His name was Frank.

 

My grandfather, my mom, and all my siblings all have chronic diarrhea. Runs in the family.

 

Have you heard of the blind cyclops brothers?

Neither have eye.

 

A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly.

And as you can see, they were Wright.

Two other brothers tried, failed, and departed.  The Left Brothers.

Two Asian brothers tried to build an airplane, but their design had flaws.  They were Wong.

 

A customer was chatting with the young woman at the checkout counter.
“You’ve been here a while, haven’t you?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “That’s my twin sister. She’s been here six months. I started a couple of weeks ago.”
“Really?” The customer said. “Well, if they liked having one of you, they must be even happier now.”
“Actually,” she replied, “the manager was telling my sister that she was such a good worker that he wished he could clone her. So, she brought me in the next day, took me to the manager and said, ‘Okay, here you go!’” 

 

Female airline pilots are still relatively rare. As a result, while in uniform, they are often mistaken for a flight attendant, a ticket agent, or even a snack bar employee. One day, a pilot was brushing her teeth in the restroom before a flight when a woman walked in.

“My sister would be so proud of you!” she declared.

The pilot smiled and asked why.

The woman responded, “She’s a dentist.”

 

Enough of the jokes about relatives.  Here are a few humorous tidbits.  The last is pretty edgy for me.

 

Who would have thought conservatives would be so enthusiastic about nominations someone  for president who has a pierced ear.

 

I hear the US Secret Service is looking for people with roofing experience.

 

The recent passing of fitness guru Richard Simmons while Keith Richardson continues to thrive has be questioning my choice to exercise so much.

 

An underage weasel walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "I'm sorry. I can't serve underage weasels."
The weasel says, "That's fine. I don't need something alcoholic. What else do you have?"
The bartender says "Oh, we have lots! We have water, pop, tea, coffee, smoothies. What would you like?"
"Pop," goes the weasel.

 

A Hollywood producer calls his friend, another Hollywood producer, on the phone.

“Hey, how are you doing?” he asks.

“Well!” responds the friend. “I just sold a screenplay for $200,000. I also wrote a novel and got a $50,000 advance from the publisher. I have a new TV series airing next week, and everyone says it’s going to be a hit. I’m doing great! How are you?”

“OK,” says the first producer. “I’ll call you back when you’re alone.”

 

A farmer sees a chicken strutting across a rural highway. He shouts to her, “Hey, why are you crossing the road?”
The chicken replies, “To change the light bulb in the henhouse.”
“Can you change it by yourself, or will you need help? In other words, how many chickens does it take to change a light bulb?”
Says the chicken, “Sorry, but that’s the subject of another joke.”

 

Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive:

A few days ago, I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.

I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones… and picked the worst possible one to start with.

Here’s the joke I told:

“What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?  Throw your laundry in.”

One of the new friends instantly became enraged at me. When I asked him what the hell his problem was, he replied that his younger brother was epileptic and died in the bath many years ago.

Obviously, I felt mortified as I didn’t know about it, and said, “I’m so sorry to hear that. Did he drown?”

“No,” replied the guy. “He choked on a sock.”