Riddle me this JOW #1241

 I enjoy riddles and puzzles.  Though not jokes as such they are often amusing.  I decided to use a bunch of riddles as my theme this week followed by a few other more typical jokes and one liners.  The answers to the riddles are located at the end of the post.  HInt, I love word play.

1.      What five letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?

2.      What ten letter word starts with gas.

3.      What flies all day but never goes anywhere?

4.      If a red house is made of red bricks, and a blue house is made of blue bricks, and a yellow house is made of yellow bricks, what is a green house made of?

5.      You can hear it, but you can’t see or touch it.  It is unique to you but everyone has one.  What is it?

6.      What seven letters did Sophie say when she saw there was nothing to eat in the refrigerator?

7.      What do you see in water that never gets wet?

8.      What can go up the chimney when down but cannot go down the chimney when up?

9.      What word has 26 letters but only three syllables?

10. Forward I am heavy but backward I am not.  What am I?

11. What four letter word can be written forward, backward, and upside down and still make sense when read right to left?

12. What five letter word is pronounced the same even if take away four of it’s letters?

13. What loses its head in the morning but gets it back at night?

14. What is round on both ends but high in the middle?

15. What type of cheese is made backward?

16. What goes up and down but never moves?

17. What breaks but never falls, and falls but never breaks?

18. I can sizzle like bacon but am made by an egg.  I have plenty of backbone but lack a leg.  I peel layers like an onion, but still remain whole.  I long like a flagpole but yet fit in a hole

19. Wise humans are sure of it.  Even fools know it.  The rich want it.  The greatest heroes fear it, yet the lowliest cowards would die for it.  What is it?

20. It lives in winter and dies in summer and grows down with its roots on top.  What is it?

21. I have no sword, I have no spear, yet rule a horde that many fear.  My soldiers fight with wicked sting.  I rule with might but am no king.  What am I?

22. Break me and I get better, immediately harder to break again.  What am I?

23. Some people try to hide me, but always will I show.  Not matter how hard people try, never down will I go.  What am I?

24. Is it correct to say ‘the yoke of eggs is white’ or the yoke of eggs are white’?

25. I am not alive, but I grow.  I have no lungs, but I need air.  I have no mouth, but water drowns me.  What am I?

26. I grow down as I grow up.  What am I?

27. If two is company and three’s a crowd, what are four and five?

28. Take off my skin and I won’t cry.  But you will.  What am I?

29. I am a seed with three letters in my name.  Take away two and I still sound the same.  What am I?

30. Which tree is said to be the oldest tree?

Here few regular jokes for your amusement

·         There was a body building seminar here recently, hosted by Dr. Frankenstein.

 

·         If you break up with your tractor, do you send them a John Deere letter?

 

·         There was a big fight at the seafood restaurant.  Battered fish were everywhere.

 

·         If you are going to do something, give 100%.  Well, except when you are giving blood.

 

A man took his seven-year-old son to the zoo and as they were walking around, he suddenly shouted, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!”

The dad was shocked and slightly embarrassed, as everybody was looking at them.

“What did you just call it?” He asked.
“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said,

And so it did:  A F R I C A N Elephant

 

Riddle answers

1.      Short

2.      Automobile

3.      A flag

4.      Glass

5.      Your voice

6.      I C U R M T

7.      A reflection

8.      An umbrella

9.      Alphabet

10. The word ‘ton’

11. The word “noon’

12. Queue

13. A pillow

14. Ohio

15. Edam

16. A flight of stairs

17. Day and night

18. A snake

19. Nothing

20. An icicle

21. A queen bee

22. A world record

23. Age

24. Neither.  Egg yolks are yellow.

25. Fire

26. A goose

27. Nine

28. An onion

29. A pea

30. The Elder tree

And finally

It's a warm summer evening and a hot-blooded couple had a heated argument; the woman accused her man of adultery. Back and forth they shouted, getting louder and angrier and more upset with each exchange. Eventually the woman’s anger boils over and in a fit of rage she reaches over, pulls his penis out, slices it off and hurled it out the window of their speeding car.
Meanwhile, a middle-aged man is driving down the same highway with his six-year-old daughter. Suddenly, a bloody severed penis flies out of nowhere and **SMACKS** against the windshield, where it flops around for a few seconds before sliding off to the side.
The young girl jumps forward in her seat, startled, and exclaims "Oh, my GOSH!!! Daddy, what was that?"
The father panics: his daughter is still too young and innocent to learn about such things as penises. He thinks quickly and tells her "Don't worry, sweetie. It was just a bug."
"Oh, okay Daddy" she responds, and they continue on their way. After a few minutes of silence, the little girl looks up at her father and said "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?"