Robot JOW #1332

 There has been a lot of discussion lately about artificial intelligence which led me to thinking about robots.  They are everywhere but no longer look like Robbie the Robot.  They are disguised as automobiles or little circular vacuum cleaners.  Here are a few jokes more or less about robots and artificial intelligence in general.

 

Scientists have proof of a planet populated entirely by robots.

They call it Mars.

 

What is a robot’s favorite dance?
The Roomba.

 

Where do baby robotic vacuums come from?
The Woomba.

 

What do you feed a hungry robot?

Mega-bites.

 

Did you hear about the baby robot’s first word? “Data!”

 

Why can’t AI replace managers?
It’s not designed to be useless.

 

If a Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, then it…
Scandinavian.

 

I got a new robot dog last week.
Its name is Dogmatic.

 

What name should you never call a robot?
Rusty.

 

I finally fulfilled my dream to become a half-cyborg!
It did cost me an arm and a leg, though.

 

What’s a robot’s favorite food?
Microchips.

 

A robot walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll ya have?"
The robot says, "Well, it's been a long day, and I need to loosen up. How about a screwdriver?"

 

Judge: "So, Mr. Robot. Your neighbor accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you plea?"
Robot, the defendant: "Guilty as charged."

 

A robot tried to rob a bank but was caught when its battery died.

Police have no plan to charge the suspect.

 

How do robots pay for things?
With cache.

 

What do you call a robot in a boat?
A row-bot.

 

What do you call a robot in a boat?
A row-bot

 

What would you call a Texas robot?

Tex Mechs.

 

How did the robot vacuum the house?

Roomba room.

 

Nike just announced it will now be using robots instead of children to make shoes.

Unfortunately, the robots will be made by children.

 

An analog robot was asked what gender it was.

It said it was non-binary.

 

What does a robot say when it has to use the restroom?

Peepoop.

 

What sound does a robot frog make?

Rivet Rivet

 

I just saw a robot charging itself

It was re-volting!

 

An AI algorithm walks into a bar and says:
“I’ll have what everyone else is having.”

 

 I tried dating a sex bot, but she was too high maintenance.

 

Which kind of robot transforms into a tractor?

A trans-farmer.

 

What do you call a pirate droid?

Argh2-D2 

 

Why do so many robots live in Africa?

‘Cause Botswana.

 

What do you call an invisible droid?

C-through-P0.

 

What happened when they shut down the robot highway?

You take the R2-Detour

 

Did you hear about the writing robot who combined six Russian novels into one big novel?
It's a long story.

 

What do you call a robot that converts men to Sikhism?
The Turbanator.

 

Why don’t robots have any brothers?
They all have transisters.

 

What do you call robots that switch genders?
Transformers.

 

A robot tried to start a conversation with an attractive waitress
But he wasn't so successful in doing so.
The error message read:
Error: failed to establish connection with server.

 

There was once a robot whose job it was to organize all the shelves of a massive library that had thousands of books. Every day, he did his job without missing a beat. One day, though, he didn’t show up to work. The librarians were all perplexed that a robot would do something like that…
Turns out he had become shelf aware.

A robot man walks into a robot restaurant.

A robot waiter approaches and asks him for his robot order.
The robot man orders a robot steak.
The robot waiter asks him how he wants his robot steak prepared.
The robot man replies, "Weld on".

 

Here are some robotic knock knock jokes

 

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Art.

Art who?

R2D2

 

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Anne.

Anne who?

Anne Droid

 

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Si.

Si who?

Cyborg

 

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Art.
Art who?
Artificial intelligence!

 

A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.

He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.

One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick up the children from school as she was very tired.

The man agreed and said to the car, “Car, go and bring my children from school.”

The car went and didn’t return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong.

Several hours later he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.

The car parked right in front of them and said, “These are your children, sir.”

In the car were their landlady’s two daughters, their choir mistress’s son, his wife’s best friend’s daughter, and their neighbor’s son.

The wife said angrily, “I demand to know if these are all your children?!?”

The man asked her calmly, “Just as soon as you tell me why our children aren’t in the car.”

 

And finally, an off topic ending.

An old man passed away peacefully in his sleep after a long illness

His wife called the county to come pick up his body.
The county operator answered "Yes, ma'am, I'm very sorry for your loss. Can you tell me your address?"
"Yes, we live at 148 Eucalyptus Street."
"Can you spell that for me?"
"Y-U...no, wait, that's not right...E-Y-C...no, no that's not right...Tell you what, I'll just drag him over to Oak Street and you can pick him up there."