Independent JOW #1333

 This is Independence Day weekend with the Forth of July this Saturday, marking the 250^th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence.  I am so old that I remember the 199^th celebration of July 4th in Independence Square in Philadelphia.  There were few people there.  We forget how low patriotic feelings were back in 1975.  Believe it or not, things are better now.  I intend to enjoy the 4^th of July this year, although I think I will eschew the traditional American habit of celebrating the holiday by drinking and handling explosives.  Ya’ll have fun out there but be safe.

 

We are going to celebrate Independence Day!

For those that don't know their history, this was the day in 1996 that Will Smith saved the world

 

Last 4th I remember watching the fireworks on the TV.

In hindsight, that probably wasn't the best place to light them

 

Steps to take the best fireworks video

Step 1: Reconsider; because absolutely no one is going to watch the videos of the fireworks you recorded on your phone

 

What's a favorite game as a resident of Chicago?

"Gunshots or Fireworks?"

 

I will have to do some research on fireworks

to know which one will give me bang for the buck.

 

As much as I love fireworks there is a problem.

I just blow through them

 

Fireworks have been really popular in 2020.

Sales have skyrocketed.

 

What do you get when you cross a small dinosaur and fireworks?

Dino-mite.

What did the lightning say to the fireworks?

Hey! You stole my thunder.

The United States is now a free country where every man can do as his wife pleases.

 

Why were the first Americans like ants?
They lived in colonies.

When was the first Brexit celebrated?
On July 4, 1776.

 

What’s the largest export of Great Britain?

Independence days

 

What is the difference between George Washington and a duck?

One has his face on a bill, the other has a bill on his face.

 

Why aren’t there any Fourth of July knock-knock jokes?

Because freedom rings!

 

Why did the British cross the Atlantic

To get to the other side.

 

Did you hear about the young sheep that fell down a hill while watching fireworks?

It was a lambslide.

 

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

At the bottom of the paper

 

What’s the best way to celebrate the Fourth of July?

With a little indepen-dance.

 

What did the Founding Fathers wear to the Boston Tea Party?

Tea-shirts.

 

Besides the U.S.A., what other countries have July 4?

All of them.

What do you get when you cross Captain America with the Incredible Hulk?

The Star-Spangled Banner.

 

What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?

The Americans licked the British!

What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!

 

What rock group has four men but doesn’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.

 

It's the 4th of July night and some good old boys are gathered around a campfire having a party. They're drinking beer and eating s’mores and just generally having a grand ol' time,  One of the men named Washington put one of his friends called Lincoln on the spot.
Washington: "Hey, heyyyy, Lincoln, do that thing you do!
Lincoln: "What now? What thing?"
Washington: "Lincoln, do the thing! The speech! You know, the thing!!!!"

Lincoln: "Ohhh, yeah, the speech. Yeah, that thing. Nah, I can't. Can't remember the words."
Washington: "Whaddya mean you can't remember the words??? It's the speech; you've said it a million times!!! You've got that like burned in your brain, right?!!"
Lincoln: “Well, yeah, normally, sure, I've got it memorized, but that was four s'mores and seven beers ago!"

 

The old priest, Father William, made it a point to attend the parish school once a week.
He entered the fourth-grade class, where the students were studying the states, and asked how many states they could name. They came up with roughly forty different names. Father William joked that students in his day knew the names of all the states.
“Yes, sir”, answered one young man, “but there were a lot fewer states back then.”

 

Changing pace a bit:

Wife: ‘Maturing in marriage is realizing when your husband says he would do anything for you he means fighting dragons and stuff.  Not folding clothes and washing dishes.’

Huband: ‘Have you been attacked by a dragon since we got married?’

There’s this coroner’s assistant who is told he has to work on Independence Day due to the large number of bodies awaiting autopsies.
When questioned about it, the assistant stated, “It’s the Fourth of July. I’ll be given double time, and like any other holiday, I will get to crack open a cold one.”

Dick is introduced to an author at a party. ‘My last book was terribly difficult,’ the author says. ‘It took me over six years to complete.’

‘I can sympathize,’ replies Dick. ‘I’m a slow reader myself.’

 

And finally,

American authorities apprehend a Russian spy using the codename “Joe Smith.” Agent Perry, an official, confronts him in an interrogation chamber.
“I don’t understand why I’m being interrogated,” Smith says.
“Drop the act, Smith, assuming that’s even your true name.” We know you’re a spy from another country!”
“WHAT?” says Smith. No! I’m a true American; I know all fifty states, US territories, and their capitals!”

“We know you’re a spy!” says Perry.
“You’re all wrong!” says Smith. “I can name all 46 Presidents of the United States in chronological sequence, and their Vice Presidents.”
“Now we are certain you’re a spy!” says Perry.
Smith: “OK, I admit it, I’m a Russian agent with a false identity. But how could you tell that?”
“Because Americans don’t know any of those things,” Perry says.