FIFA JOW #1331

 Television is just full of the FIFA World Cup these days.  Like most Americans I watch soccer. Once every four years.  Briefly.  Each time I do I come away with the same impression: soccer is boring.  But it does somehow entrance most of the sporting world.  It was easy to find a bunch of jokes about such a ridiculous sport and America’s response to it.  Here are a few for your amusement.

 

Did you hear about the Hydration Break in each half of the games?
That came at just the right time because many Americans were beginning to panic that they hadn’t seen an ad for over 20 minutes.

 

Did you hear that Canada’s Professional Soccer team has made it to the FIFA World Cup?
It’s too bad, eh, that their parents couldn’t afford hockey equipment when they were growing up.

 

Footballing nations are afraid to face the US in the Group or Playoff stages.
No one wants to pay 100% tariffs for winning a World Cup match.

 

Ladies: If you are thinking of settling down, here’s some advice: Don’t date soccer players.
There’s only a 1/11 chance that they’re a keeper.

 

What’s the difference between Brazil and the USA?
Five World Cups.

 

The England team visited an orphanage in the USA today.
“It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope,” said Little Johnny, age 6.

 

Wife says to her husband: “Choose, either me or the soccer World Cup game!”
He responds: “Give me 90 minutes to think it over.”

 

Have you heard about Iran’s national football team?
They’re Shi’ite.

 

Where’s the best place in the US to shop for a World Cup football jersey?
New Jersey!

 

What do Americans do immediately after winning the World Cup?
Turn off the PlayStation.

 

What do you call an Englishman at the World Cup 2026 final?
A referee.

 

What philosopher won Greece the world cup?
Soccerates.

 

Why don’t grasshoppers watch the FIFA World Cup?
They watch cricket instead.

 

Who did the Saudis beat in order to qualify for the World Cup 2026?

Their wives.

 

Why can’t Indians play football?
Because every time they get a corner they build a shop.

 

I'm rooting for Switzerland in the World Cup.

I don't know much about the team, but their flag is a big plus.

 

Breaking World Cup News.

Ivan Toney has denied that the recent betting allegations cost him a place in the England Squad and states he is disappointed he will not be involved in tomorrow’s 2-2 draw with Iran..

 

Who is a pirate’s favorite team at the world cup?

Ahrr-gentina

 

Canada is sending a strong team to the World Cup.

Unfortunately, it's the drinking team.

 

The finals of the World Cup is like cows on an airplane.

The steaks have never been higher.

 

What do a kitten, a donkey, and the world cup have in common?

If they get together. Catastrophe!

 

If Scotland reaches the World Cup final, tickets for all the matches will cost fans over $20,000. You can earn this money between now and then by betting a fiver on Scotland reaching the World Cup final.

 

Here are some people’s thoughts about soccer teams:

·        Brazil plays soccer like it’s an art form.

·        Brazilian fans treat every match like the actual fate of humanity.

·        If Brazil scores early, the announcers start preparing the documentary

·        Fans of England are the most optimistic people on Earth.

·        England treats penalty kicks like horror movies.

·        England entering every World Cup: “This is our year.”

·        Every World Cup creates millions of temporary soccer superfans in America.

·        Americans only understand stoppage time when their team is losing.

·        Mexico fans bring more energy than the entire stadium sound systems.

·        Every Mexico match feels one goal away from absolute madness.

·        Soccer players are the only people who get hurt and immediately check if the referee noticed.

·        Soccer announcers can stretch one goal into a 14-minute documentary.

 

I like watching the World Cup even though I don’t know anything about football

Sitting on the couch with a cold beer and watch those millionaires running themselves to half death just to entertain me makes me feel important.

 

Every time I watch soccer I try to get in the spirit

When watching Tunisia I had a kebab,

Panama I treated myself to a cigar,

Belgium I pulled out the chocolates,

I can’t wait for the Colombia game!

 

My friend said to me, "Whenever a World Cup game is on, let's eat something to do with that team for dinner that night."

Mexico was on, we had burritos.
Japan was on, we had sushi.
USA was on, we had burgers.
Italy was on, we had pizza.
Tuesday is England, so we're going out to eat.

 

Son: Dad, why is my sister’s name Rose?

Me: Because your mom loves roses.
Son: What about me?
Me: It's a long story, young World Cup Soccer

 

A man said to my doctor, “Can you help? Every night, I dream about monkeys playing football. It’s all I ever dream about. Every night, monkeys playing football.”
The doctor said, “That’s odd. Here are some tablets, they’ll stop the dreams. Start taking them tonight.”
The man said, “Can I start tomorrow night?”
“Why?”
“Tonight’s the final”.

 

And finally, one not about the World Cup.

One day, a teacher was attempting to teach the names of animals to a class of 5-year-olds. She held up a picture of a deer, and asked one boy, "Billy, what is this animal?"
Little Billy looked at the picture with a disheartened look on his face and responded, "I'm sorry Mrs. Smith, I don't know."
The teacher was not one to give up easily, so she then asked Billy, "Well, Billy, what does your Mommy call your Daddy?"
Little Billy's face suddenly brightened up, but then a confused look came over his face, as he asked, "Mrs. Smith, is that really a stupid pig?"!