I am just back from my voyage as those of you who got my article know. If you did not get my article, let me know and I will send it to you. Normally I have a theme for my jokes, but I have not put one out in so long I find myself a bit stale, so I just took a bunch of random jokes which really lack a central theme. I hope some of them bring a smile to your face.
Congratulations
to the LA Dodgers for buying their second straight World Series. Money may not buy happiness, but if you have enough
of it you can buy championships.
When
a mime dies do his friends observe a moment of talking?
Chimps
Honor Jane Goodall With 21-Poo Salute
I
once took a Spanish class on a cruise ship. But I got lost at sí.
Getting
older gives ‘Twist and Shout’ a whole new meaning
I
do my own stunts. Usually not
intentionally
Never
run with scissors. Of course, in my case you can now leave off the last two
words.
A
man fell in a well.
He couldn’t see that well.
Why
does a mermaid wear seashells?
Because
she outgrew her B-shells.
Her:
Let's exchange numbers
Me:
Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?
How
do KFC get their corn on the cob so smooth?
They use a kernel sander.
The
saddest person is the one who has to refill soft drinks from the dispenser
because it is "soda pressing".
Perhaps
the Dallas Cowboy’s star symbol is also its rating.
Remember
the reason that the grass is greener on the other side might be due to a septic
tank issue.
‘Evening
wear’ does not mean showing up to the party in your pajamas. I know that now.
An
old lady was standing on the top deck of a cruise ship, holding tightly onto
her hat so that it wouldn’t blow off in the wind.
A
gentleman approached her and said: “Excuse me. I don’t mean to be rude, but
your dress is blowing up in the wind!”
“Yes,
I know,” said the lady, “I need both hands to hold onto my hat.”
“But,
madam, people can see everything!” said the gentleman.
The
woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, “Sir anything you see
down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!”
Another
Roman numeral joke
The
Ancient Romans were known to use 4 different poisons.
Poison I would kill the victim instantly.
Poison II would lead to lingering deaths
Poison
III would make you sick
Poison IV would make you itchy. (Say it
out loud)
There
was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great
writer. When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write
stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a
truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and
anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
I
have been enjoying the satirical news feature called the Babylon Bee which
mocks some of the silly events with fake or exaggerated headlines such as –
In
an effort to appeal to the NFL’s conservative base, they have chosen a man who
wears a dress while singing in Spanish. This
year’s Super Bowl will also feature MS-13 Backup Dancers.
Some
other Babylon headlines:
·
Hamas
Rejects Deal to End Genocide After Learning It Would Require Them to Stop
Killing Jews
·
Wife
Says She Stayed Up All Night Thinking About What You Said About Her
Overthinking Things
·
Trump
Gives Israel and Palestine Tablets to Play with So They'll Stop Fighting
·
UK
Prosecutes Synagogue for Provoking Attacker by Being Openly Jewish
·
Sexist
Pete Hegseth Demands Women Be Equal to Men
Here
is the Babylon Bee’s take on Netflix.
Netflix
has come under fire recently for inserting trans content in its kids'
programming. In response to the
controversy, the streaming platform revealed plans to revamp its entire
children's section with new shows designed to win back angry parents.
Check
out these new ‘kid-friendly’ shows:
·
Homomelon: This
educational show, designed for preschoolers, guides kids through every letter
in the LGBTQ+ pantheon.
·
Dora
the Sexuality Explorer: Dora, now in her late teens, takes time away from
exploring lost ruins to instead find the most important thing... herself.
·
Mickey
Mouse Bathhouse: Any child who watches this show will receive an
educational experience unlike any other.
·
Queerious
George: In the first episode, George sees two men holding hands and wants
to know more.
·
How
To Trans Your Dragon: Join Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III and Toothless on
a brand-new Netflix-exclusive adventure where they provide gender affirming
care to a wild dragon.
·
Barney
& Friends With Benefits: This delightful blast from the past is indistinguishable
from a furry convention.
·
Teletubbies: The
hit 1997 show is back. No changes whatsoever.
And
finally
A
lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked
a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised
to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He sternly told her that he was holding
her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very
haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what
would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the
entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans,
please raise your hand." Not one hand went up...so she took them home and
ate them.
