Literary JOW #1327

 As many of you know, I write books as an expression of my artistic sensibility.  I was once asked, ‘I can't understand why you took a year to write a novel when you can buy one for a few bucks.’  Well, because it is fun.  I just published my latest book, Jac and the Princess, an easy reading novel set in a medieval fantasy world about a handsome young guardsman who has to rescue the Princess.   There is adventure, romance, and some humor.  I do not write literature; I write stories people enjoy reading.  The book is available now on Amazon in hardback, softback, or for Kindle.  Just go to the Amazon web page and type in either ‘Jac and the Princess’ or ‘Thos. Pinney’ and it will take you to the right spot.  You can also get books directly from me.  If you do that I will even sign it for you.  For that reason, my jokes this week are about books and authors. 

 

How many authors does it take to change a light bulb?

That’s not important, let me tell you about my new book!

 

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end.

 

How many writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Ten.
1st draft. Hero changes light bulb.
2nd draft. Villain changes light bulb.
3rd draft. Hero stops villain from changing light bulb. Villain falls to death.
4th draft. Lose the light bulb.
5th draft. Light bulb back in. Fluorescent instead of tungsten.
6th draft. Villain breaks bulb, uses it to kill hero's mentor.
7th draft. One writer to ask if it ‘really’ needs to be changed.
8th draft. Hero forces villain to eat light bulb.
9th draft. Hero laments loss of light bulb. Doesn't change it.
10th draft. Hero changes light bulb

 

Some book quotes:

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
- P.J. O’Rourke
If good books did good, the world would have been converted long ago.
- George Moore

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.  - Woody Allen
One trouble with developing speed-reading skills is that by the time you realize a book is boring you've already finished it.  - Franklin P. Jones

There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them.
- Joseph Brodsky

A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.  - Gilbert K. Chesterton

Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers. - Harry S Truman
Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad. - George Bernard Shaw

One advantage reading books has over TV is you can’t read books and do housework at the same time. - Melanie White

‘I read part of the book all the way through.’ Samuel Goldwyn

 ‘I just received the copy of the book you sent me.  I shall waste no time reading it.’   Winston Churchill

And finally

‘From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter – someday I intend reading it.’ Groucho Marx

 

If nations wrote a book about Elephants:

The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant
The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari
The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture
The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants
The Chinese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People
The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.

A man walks into a book shop and says, ‘Can I have one of Shakespeare’s works?’

‘Of course, sir,’ says the salesman. ‘Which one?’

The man replies, ‘William.’

 

A writer sent his manuscript to a publisher with a note saying, ‘None of the characters in this story bear any resemblance to any person living or dead.’

The publisher sent back the book with a note saying, ‘That’s what’s wrong with it.’

 

Writer to critic, ‘So what’s your opinion of my book?’

Critic, ‘It’s worthless.’

Writer, ‘I know, but I’d like to hear it anyway.’

 

The English literature students thought reading Melville's Billy Budd would be an easy task because the novel is only 90 pages long. One boy, however, complained that the text was heavy and hard to comprehend.
"Hey," another student suggested, "maybe you should try reading Budd Light."

 

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.  When asked to define "Great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl!" 

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages. 

 

And finally:
A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.
She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.
“Oh my,” said the writer. “Let me see heaven now.”
A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.
“Wait a minute,” said the writer. “This is just as bad as hell!”
“Oh no, it’s not,” replied an unseen voice. “Here, your work gets published.”

Advanced English JOW #902

I have an English words theme this week.  (I should have made it on frustration, after trying to put on my shoes and socks in the presence of an adorable puppy who thinks foot gear make the best play toys ever.  Watch for the posted video.

English has more words than any other language, though no one is quite sure how many words it has.  Do you count tenses as different words? What about gerunds? And to plurals make a new word?  Then there are the problems with words that are spelled the same but have different meanings. 

Here are a few (I hope) humorous examples:

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so fall that it had to refuse more refuse.

He could lead if he could get the lead out.

We must polish the Polish furniture.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

The dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

They were too close to the doors to close it.

A buck does funny things when the does are in season.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

I had to subject the subject to more tests.

            English can be challenging.

Remember, there is no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburger, and neither apples nor pine in a pineapple.  Guinea pigs are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs. 

And why don’t grocers, groce?  Or hammers ham? 

Plurals in English can drive you crazy, too.

One mouse – two mice.  One goose – two geese. So one moose – two meese?

One chair – two chairs.  One hair – so is a head of hair one really big one?

I can make amends but not one amend. 

Tenses can make me tense. 

For example, if teachers taught why don’t preachers 'prought'?

Why do we ship by truck and send cargo by ship?  Why do our noses run and feet smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same thing while a wise guy and a wise man are opposites?  Why are the stars out when they are visible but when the lights are out it is dark?

How does your house burn up as it is burning down?  Why do you fill out a form by filling it in? And alarms go off when they go on.

And as for pronunciation, here is part of an old poem.  Try and speak it aloud if you dare.

Be careful how you speak

Say bread and stake and bleak and streak;

Cloven, oven, how and low;

Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,

Typhoid, measles, topsails, and aisles,

Exiles, similes, and reviles;

Scholar, vicar, and cigar,

Solar, mica, war, and far.

Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;

Gertrude, German, wind and mind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,

Blood and flood are not like food.

Try viscous, viscount, load and broad,

Toward, to forward, to reward.

Your pronunciation is okay,

When you correctly say croquet,

Rounded, wounded, grieve, and sieve.

Clamor and enamor both rhyme with hammer.

Stranger does not rhyme with anger.

Neither does devour with clangor.

It’s all very confusing.

Mary Ellen sent us some old words that I think should make a comeback:

Fudgel – Pretending to work while actually doing nothing

Groke – Someone who stares at you while you eat, hoping you’ll share

Shivviness - The uncomfortable feeling of wearing new underwear

Peg Puff – A young woman with the manners of an old one

Dysania – Extreme difficulty getting out of bed in the morning

Perendinate – To put off until the day after tomorrow.

Kikistocracy – Government by the least qualified or worse people

Uhtceare – Lying awake and worrying about the day ahead.

Abligurition – Spending lavish amounts of money on food

Slugabed – A person who stays in bed after the proper time to get up. (My mom used this one.)

Grufeling – to lie wrapped up and in a comfortable manner

Philogrobilized – Having a hangover but without admitting to drinking

Grumbletonians – People who are angry or unhappy with the government

Smollygoster – A shrewd, unprincipled person, especially a politician

Twattling – Gossiping idly about unimportant things.

Ultracrepidarian – Someone who gives opinions on subjects they know nothing about.

Callipygian – Having beautiful, well-shaped buttocks

Frobly-mobly   - Neither well nor unwell

Cacoethes – Irresistible urge to do something inadvisable

And here is an actual joke – sort of:

Freddy Fish and Sam Clam were the best of friends, and did everything together. One day, though, both perished in a freak mishap. Freddy Fish went to heaven, and immediately looked around for his best friend. Not finding him, he asked St. Peter where Sam was.

"Sorry, he didn't make it in."

"You mean he's down there?" asked Freddy.

"Yes."

"Well, I want to go see him!"

"This is highly unorthodox," said St. Peter. "I'll ask the big guy."

Moments later St. Peter returned and said:

"You can go, but you can only stay for one hour."

"Great!" said Freddy, and grabbed his harp before anyone changed their minds. He went to the elevator, and went down.

When the elevator doors opened, Freddy saw a huge sign:

SAM'S DISCOTHEQUE

He went in, and discovered that it was run by his old friend. They sat down and reminisced about old times, and had a few drinks. Time flew by, and when Freddy noticed his watch, he saw that he had fifteen seconds left to return. He jumped out of his chair, yelled a goodbye to Sam Clam, and raced to the elevator.

The elevator doors opened in heaven with only one second to spare. St. Peter was standing there with a stopwatch.

"You just barely made it," said St. Peter.

"I know," panted Freddy, out of breath. "But I have to go back there!"

"What do you mean!?!" asked an incredulous St. Peter.

So Freddy Fish burst into song:

"I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco!"

Finally, just as I was going to press:

Elon Musk is going to launch his personal car into an orbit around the sun with great fanfare.

My wife sniffed – “I already have a car that is in orbit around the sun.” 

Horsing Around JOW #1326

 The Kentucky Derby was held last Saturday.  Did you watch the Kentucky Derby? Yay or neigh?  That event got me thinking about horse racing and horses in general, so my jokes this week are about our equine friends. 

 

In medieval times, people used to attach a lamp to a horse when riding at night.

This is the earliest known form of saddle light navigation.

 

What do you call a horse with the horn? A unicorn.

What do you call a horse without the horn? A eunuchorn.

I think ‘Horseback Riding’ should just be called ‘Horse Riding' because where else would you sit?

 

If horse racing is the "sport of kings” is drag racing the sport of queens?

 

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin

And giraffes were born

 

According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor.

This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.

 

To ride a horse or not to ride a horse...

That is equestrian.

 

Don't order hay for your horse off Amazon.

After a couple of days, they'll ask for your feed back.

 

My farmer friend told me that horse manure is excellent for strawberries.

I said, “You may be right, but I still prefer whipped cream.”

Have you heard the sad story about the runaway racehorse? It’s a terrible tale of WHOA!

 

Did you hear what happened at the racetrack yesterday? One horse was so slow, they had to pay the jockey overtime.

 

I bet on a horse to come in 25 to 1, and it did! The only problem is that all the other horses finished at 12:30.

 

I bet on a horse with excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he paused to close it behind him.

 

Q: You're riding on a horse at high-speed chasing a zebra. To your right is a sheer drop-off. Two feet to your left is a grizzly bear. Right on the heels of your horse is an angry lion. What do you do?

A: Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!

 

A horse walks into a bar…

The bartender says, "Why the long f--" when suddenly the horse cuts him off.
"I've heard that a million times. 'Why the long face, ha-ha!' I hear that everywhere I go."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," says the bartender. "Other than that, how's your life?"
The horse responds with, "Stable."

 

A horse walked into a bar.

The bartender looked at the horse and said: "Hey buddy, why the long face?"
Later, a bear walked into the bar and said: "I'll have a ... beer." The bartender looked at the bear and asked: "Why the big pause?"
Soon, three anteaters came in and requested a bowl of ants to share. The bartender looked at the anteaters and said: "I'm going to stop doing LSD before work."

 

My wife and I got married on the same day as the Kentucky Derby. I remember it because I was considering betting my life’s savings on this one Filly.
I also considered putting money on the derby.

 

Billy: "How do you like your new mare?"

Jack: "It’s weird.  She gallops only at night. She just snoozes in the daytime."

Bill: "She sounds like a night mare."

 

Why did the owner name his racehorse ‘Bad News’? Because bad news travels fast

 

Racehorses famously have odd names.  Not all are approved.  Here are some

horse names banned by the British Horse Racing Authority

Chit Hot
Chocolate Starfish
Choke the Chicken
Harry Azzol
Hugh Gass Kisser
Hugh Janus
Ima Hoare
Ima Goodlay
Ivanna Tinkle
Major B Oner
Willie Be Hardigan
Jack Schitt
Anita Bath
Anna Reksik
Annie Position
Annie Rection
Ben Derhover
Passing Wind
Hoof Hearted
Geespot
Sofa King Fast
Cockney Wanker
Cupid Stunt
Dick Cumoff
Dick Fizintite
Dick Hertz
Harry Balzitch
Hucking Fell
Pee Ness

My wife and kids are leaving me because they say I’m obsessed with Horse Racing.

I'm looking out the window at them now........... and they're off.....

 

Little Johnny attends a horse auction with his dad.

He watches as his father moves from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes Little Johnny asks, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father says, "I have to make sure that she's healthy and in good shape before I buy her."
And Little Johnny says, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy mom."

 

And finally, the typical off-topic joke to end this:

At the end of the tax year, the Taxation Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the agent was checking the books, he turned to the executive of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?”
“Good question,” noted the executive. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company, and every once in a while, they send us a free roll.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way. ”What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?”
“Ah, yes,” replied the executive, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they send us a free bag of plaster.”
“I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all executive. “Well, what do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?”
“Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the executive. “What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick.”

 

Watery JOW #1325

 I recently had the chance to go sailing with a friend.  They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you a yacht where you can hide your tears in stylish comfort.   I remember a line I used to say back when I was doing a lot of sailing.   “It’s okay if you don’t like sailing.  It’s kind of a smart person sport anyway.”  But my time on the water got me thinking about boats, etc.  Here are some funny thoughts along that line.

 

How many boaters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order.

 

What is the difference between a wealthy person and someone who is really rich?

The haves and the have yachts.

  

What's with the sudden influx of Killer Whale attacks on boats?

Seems Orcastrated

I'm not really a big fan of boat puns

But frigate

 

I'm outfitting my boat for sport fishing.

Ship just got reels.

 

Got dumped because she said I was obsessed with boat puns

Canoe believe that?

 

In olden times, seagoing vessels were much more fuel efficient. They got thousands of miles to the galleon.

 

How did the pirate afford such a big boat?

It was on sail.

 

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?

Buck an ear

 

Why did the Pirate give his ship a coat of paint?

Its timbers were shivering.

 

Where did Captain Hook buy his hook?

At a second hand store

 

A ship’s captain is a sails manager.

 

I hate it when I have to moor the boat and everyone at the dock keeps staring at me.

I’m under…a lot of pier pressure.

 

A girl I wanted to date said I had the face like the back of a boat.

I didn’t reply, but I gave her a stern look.

 

The dyslectic devil worshipping man just got a new motorboat.

He christened it Sail Hatin'

 

A student asks his sailing instructor, “What’s a bar?”

He replied, “In the water it’s a low-lying navigational hazard, usually awash, found at river mouths and harbor entrances, usually composed of sand or mud.  Ashore it is made of mahogany or some other dark wood. Sailors can be found in large numbers around both.”

 

Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: “Boat number 81, your two-hour rental period is up, please return to the dock.”

Boat rental intern to manager: ”Uh, sir, we only have 40 boats.”
Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: “Boat number 18, do you require assistance?”

 

A pair of a novice sailors’ best friend died and in his will he specified that he wanted them to bury him at sea.

So, the pair set out from shore in a rowboat with the body. They had rowed out a little way when one got out of the boat and stood chest deep in water.

“We need to go out further,” he told the other. So, they rowed out another fifty yards, and the same sailor jumped out again to find the water reached his chin.

“We need to go out further,” he said again.

About 150 yards from shore, he jumped out of the rowboat again and disappeared under water. After five minutes, he reappeared coughing and spluttering and said to the other: “That’s far enough; hand me the shovel.”

 

A woman was nearing the end of her tether – every night her husband was snored so loudly that it kept her awake.

She decided to call the family doctor to see if there was anything that could be done to relieve her nightly suffering.

“Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband of his snoring,” said the doctor, “but I must warn you that it is rather expensive. It
will cost you a deposit of $15,000, and payments of 41,000 for 48 months, as well as money for extras.”

“Good grief!” exclaimed the woman. “That sounds like I’m buying a yacht!”

“Hmm,” the doctor murmured, “too obvious, huh?

 

Finally an off-topic joke to end this madness.

A man crossed the border each morning on a donkey.
And each day, his donkey is loaded with only bags of straw. When he reached the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors searched his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports. Every day, they find nothing. And yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in the tea houses or restaurants in the city, they see the same man spending money and boasting that he is a smuggler and that no one can catch him.
Every day, incensed at his bold claims, the tax collectors obsessively searched his bags of straw. They sifted the straw, cut it into pieces, ripped open the fabric of his bags, checked his hat, his beard and even cut open his shoes in the hope of finding coins between the leather. And yet, each evening, he is seen back in the city growing ever more prosperous, even offering to pay for the tax collectors’ meals while continuing to hint at his wily smuggling. The tax collectors continue their futile inspections of the straw bags for years to no avail.
This continues until the smuggler moved away to another city and settled down to enjoy his wealth. Years pass and one day, in the market, one of the retired tax collectors meets his old foe and asks,
“Mister, many years have passed: I am no longer a tax collector, and we are just two old men. Please, you can tell me, what was it you were smuggling all that time?”
The smuggler replied, “Donkeys.”

 

Taxing JOW #1324

 Sorry I missed last week’s JOW.  I was having a fabulous trip sailing in the Georgia Sea Isles.  Here are the jokes I should have sent last week:

Ah, April 15^th, that day when all your taxes were due.  I don’t feel sorry for people who waited until the last minute to do their taxes.  I finished mine over a year ago.  So for all of you who are thinking about the IRS, here are a few light jokes for your amusement.

 

As a patriot, I have decided to buy a Honda directly from Japan and pay import taxes.
That’ll be….my Civic duty.

 

I was surprised when the IRS wrote to me to say my tax return was “outstanding”.
Especially as I don’t recall sending one in.

 

Only 10% of Americans file their taxes correctly.
It’s hard to believe that 95% of us can’t do simple math

 

People who cheat on their taxes disgust me
This is not the kind of world I want to raise my 23 dependents in.

 

What is the difference between an electron and a proton for a tax collector?
They are charged differently.

 

Why do large eggs cost more than small eggs?
X size tax.

 

Don’t get in line behind Lucifer at the tax office!
The devil takes many forms.

 

Did you hear about the chiropractor who got in trouble with the IRS?
It was for back taxes.

 

A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well!

 

Why did the chocolate shop’s taxes get audited?
The owner had fudged the numbers.

 

How can you tell if you’ve found a good tax accountant?
If he has a loophole named after him.

 

So much tax evasion in America.
Almost like the country was founded on it or something.

 

Whoever wins the MegaMillions jackpot will make history.
They’ll be the first billionaire to pay taxes.

 

How do stoner couples file their taxes?
Jointly!

 

What’s the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?
A taxidermist takes only your skin.

 

Why is the IRS always tired?
Collecting money for the government is taxing.

 

I just got a great job offer to collect taxes for Hell.
I’ll be part for the Infernal Revenue Service.

 

What happens when the liquor store forgets to tax its sales?
It’s a sin-tax error.

 

Apparently, Darth Vader has a right-wing billionaire cousin.
His name is Tax E. Vader.

 

Why doesn't Sherlock Holmes pay any income tax?

Because he makes so many brilliant deductions.

 

Can I claim my Indian Bread Company as a charity tax deduction?
It’s a Naan Profit Organization.

 

What kind of tax is placed on paper?
A tear-iff.

 

Do you know how you can tell Monopoly’s an old game?
It has a luxury tax, and rich people can actually go to jail.

 

If you go to jail for tax evasion aren’t you basically living off taxes, for not paying your taxes.

 

IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes.
Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years… but they’re having a really hard time putting their case together.

 

When marijuana is legalized, all the money raised through taxes should go into road repair.
It would be called Operation Pot Holes.

 

Boss: “And this is what you’ll be making before taxes.”
Employee: “That’s gross.”

 

Who is the highest-ranking officer at tax time?
General Sales Tax.

 

Why don’t dogs pay taxes for their meals?
Because they’re all under the table.

 

What do you call someone who likes giving the government taxes?
A paytriot.

 

Has anyone realized “The IRS”.
Spells “theirs”?

 

Boss: “And this is what you’ll be making before taxes.”
Employee: “That’s gross.”

 

A man wrote the IRS: "I have been unable to sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I have understated my income and have enclosed a check for $1500. If I still can't sleep I will send the rest".

 

Did you hear about the guy who didn’t want to file his taxes?
I would’ve asked him more, but he didn’t want to get Intuit.

 

A man walked into the tax collector’s office and sat down and smiled at everyone.
“May I help you?” said the clerk in charge.
“No,” said the man. “I just wanted to meet the people I have been working for all these years.”

 

A man took out a lemon in a crowd of people.
And squeezed it dry. He said, “If anyone can squeeze a drop out of this lemon, I’ll give them 100 bucks.”
Many people tried, and no one could get any juice out of the lemon. Finally, a man came up and squeezed out three drops of lemon juice.

Handing him his $100, the first man asked in wonder, “Who are you?”
The second man replied, “I work for the IRS.”

 

Teacher: If income tax is 20% and your dad earns $50,000, how much tax does he pay?
Kid: $100
Teacher: Let's try again. If income tax is 30% and your dad earns $100000, how much does he pay?
Kid: $100
Teacher: Alright, last try. If income tax is %50 and your dad earns $100,0000, how much does he pay?
Kid: $100
Teacher: you don't know your percentages.
Kid: you don't know my dad.

 

Two men are stranded on a deserted island.
One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, “Don’t worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.”
“Really? Why do you think so?”
“I owe the IRS five years’ worth of back taxes.”

And finally

A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few questions.”
He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What’s your occupation?”
“I’m a prostitute,” she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, ” Let’s try to rephrase that.”
The woman says, “OK, I’m a high-end call girl”.
“No, that still won’t work. Try again.”
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, “I’m an elite chicken farmer.”
The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?”
“Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year.”
“Chicken Farmer it is.”