Post Feast JOW #1059

We had a great Thanksgiving, although the last thing my waistline needs is for me to pound down a few thousand more calories.  I don’t care.  I ate everything; well except for sweetbreads.  I am no zombie; besides, eating brains is very fattening.  A mind is a terrible thing to waist.

Here are some weighty jokes for your amusement.

 

How do you say "Hello" in Turkish?

Gobble, Gobble

 

The turkey says, "Gobble, Gobble."

I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.

----

What do you call a fat relative around Halloween?

A plump-kin

___

You should never fat-shame people

They've already got enough on their plate

But to be truthful, they won't exactly come running after you.

+++++

Diet Day 1: Just removed all the fattening food from my house.

It was delicious.

>>>> 

What do you call a guy that overeats for the sole purpose of getting stomachaches?

A glutton for punishment.

 

 My current exercise routine:

·         Virtue Casting

·         Jumping to conclusions  

·         Carrying things too far

·         Dodging responsibilities

·         Pushing my Luck 

·         Leaping to conclusions

·         Casting aspersions

 

I did manage to burn 2000 calories.  I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven.

>>>>>>>> 

The son comes home crying and tells his mother "the lady next door hit me!” So the mother goes over and asks why she hit him and the lady replies "your son called me fat!”

To which the mother replies, “And you think you'll lose weight by hitting him?"

 

To shift off of fat jokes -

After binge watching CNN, Fox, and MSNBC - simultaneously - for nearly two days - a man decided he would hang himself in protest of the media's lack of integrity...

Thankfully he was unsuccessful. The rope broke.  He probably would be dead right now if not for that fake noose.

--------------

Netflix should make a series about what Mormons say before they ring the doorbell.

I would binge watch the shucks out of it.

<<<< 

If you only see one thing in your life it needs to be the Grand Canyon.

It's gorges.

^^^^^^

I just got kicked out of a Flat Earth Facebook group because I asked if the six foot social distancing guideline had pushed anyone over the edge.

++++++++

A man found a magic lamp and upon rubbing it, released a genie.

I am a genie – I offer you three wishes

Make it four.

Granted.  You now have three left.

==========

Customer: What’s the Wi-Fi password here?

Bartender: you need to buy a drink first.

Customer: Okay, I’ll have a beer.

Bartender: Shiner okay?

Customer: Sure, how much?

Bartender: $4

Customer: so what is the password?

Bartender: youneedtobuyadrinkfirst.  No spaces.  All lower case.

~~~~~

Two robins were sitting in a tree.

"I'm really hungry", said the first one.
"Me too," said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."
They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate 'til they could eat no more. "I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree", said the first one.
"Me either. Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun," said the second.
"O.K." said the first. They plopped down, basking in the sun.
No sooner than they had fallen asleep, a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them up. As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, "I love baskin' robins."

 

And finally a silly  sort of food-related joke.

A young bachelor potato decides he wants a night out on the town. He hops in the shower and gets nice and clean, puts on some nice cologne, shaves off all those little hairs and puts on his best jacket. He decides to head down to a local bar for a drink and see where the night goes. As he orders his drink, he spied a juicy plump red tomato, just sitting alone at the end of the bar. Plucking up his courage, he goes to talk to her and offers her a drink.
She accepts, and they start talking, and find they get along really well. What the poor potato lad doesn't know is that this tomato has a boyfriend, and her boyfriend is the leader of a local gang of thug-carrots. One of these carrots is sitting in a shaded corner of the bar, and he sees this random potato talking up his boss’s girl. So he calls up the boss, who calls together the gang, and they all ride up to the bar on their motorcycles, dressed in the black leather, with the fingerless leather gloves and spiked knuckles, chain belts, bandanas and all.
They walk into the bar and immediately the atmosphere turns cold and others flee out of the bar through any exit they can. Someone calls for 911, knowing there's going to be trouble. The thug-carrots lay into the poor potato, beating him senseless. They beat him within an inch of his life. An ambulance roars into the parking lot and the thugs flee from the scene, leaving the poor potato hanging barely onto his life. They drive him to the hospital and rush him right into surgery.
Eighteen long grueling hours later, the doctor steps out of the surgery room. He's just spent eighteen hours straight operating on the poor potato, he's tired and exhausted, and immediately after stepping out of the surgery suite he gets ambushed by the potato's parents, asking for the status of their sun. The moms obviously been crying all night, the dad with his arm around her bravely fighting off tears to look strong. The doctor lets out a weary sigh and says "ok, ok Mr. and Mrs. Potato please calm down... I have some good news, and I have some bad news. The good news is, you have a strong spirited healthy son, and we think he's going to pull through this. He is a strong kid and he's holding on better then we could have possibly hoped, responding fantastically to all the treatment. There is some bad news however... we're afraid that he may be a vegetable for the rest of his life!"

Community Center JOW #1058

I love Thanksgiving – normally.  But this is not a normal year.  This year it instead of ‘over the river and through the woods’ it will be over the router and through the Wi-Fi to Grandmother’s house we Skype.  I recognize that even in 2020 we have a lot to be thankful for – as a nation we are so fortunate that even in bad times it is still pretty wonderful to be here.  That said, I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.  Has anyone tried unplugging this year and plugging it back in?  I mean, the library now has moved travel books to the Fantasy section, Politics to Sci-Fi, and Epidemiology is now in Self-Help.

 The Community Center in Indian Hills, Colorado has a famous sign which frequently posts puns and dad jokes.  Here are a few examples:

Break-in at the Apple store.  Police are looking for iWitnesses.

I ate a frozen apple.  Hard core.

Whenever I try to eat healthy a candy bar looks at me and Snickers

Wishing you a happy whatever doesn’t offend you

My friend David had his ID stolen.  Now he is just Dav

Irony, the opposite of wrinkly

Spiders and snakes are part of the eek-osystem.

We are in search of fresh vegetable puns.  Lettuce know.

Never trust a train. They have loco motives.

Kitchen remodelers are counter productive.

I was kidnapped my mimes.  They did unspeakable things to me.

My mood ring is missing and I don’t know how I feel about that.

My nose went on strike so I had to picket.

Alligators can grow up to twelve feet, but most only grow four.

Despite the high cost of living it remains popular.

The ideas of ‘I’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’ has been disproved by science.

Pollen.  When flowers can’t keep it in their pants.

Is a dry cow an udder failure or a milk dud?

I was struck by a bottle of Omega 3 pills.  Fortunately my wounds were only super fish oil.

Disbarred lawyer finds new work as sue chef.

Dear Diet Coke, I feel like you are overreacting.  Sincerely, Mentos.

A few puns may make me numb but math puns make me number.

I am terrified of elevators and I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I call my iPod Titanic because it’s syncing now.

Insect puns really bug me.

Electricians have to strip to make ends meet.

A joke doesn’t become a dad joke until it’s full groan.

I saw a baguette at the zoo.  It was bread in captivity.

It’s Jamaican hairstyle day tomorrow.  I’m dreading it.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon to see which comes first.

I’m pining for a good tree pun.  I wish they were more poplar.

Do gun manuals have a troubleshooting section?

The only things flat-earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

I tried calling the tinnitus line.  It just kept ringing.

When I told the carpenter not to carpet my steps he gave me a blank stare.

Whenever I feel blue I start breathing again.

It was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty but he had a great fall.

Crushing pop cans is soda pressing.

Puns about communism aren’t funny unless everybody gets them.

Puns about communism have no class.

I just can’t handle automatic doors.

Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right by you.

Do memory foam mattresses wish they could forget?

If you marry a pirate with an eye patch is it the One I Love?

Where did the pirate get his hook?  The second hand store.

 WORDS OF WISDOM from Dick: 

·         Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.  

·         I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit. 

·         You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.

Quotes:

“I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money.  Picasso

“They say marriages are made in heaven.  But so is thunder and lightning.” – Clint Eastwood

“Want to know what God things of money?  Look at the people he gave it to.”  Dorothy Parker

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” Abraham Lincoln

“I think the worst time to have a heart attack would be during a game of charades.” – D. Martin

“A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.” – Robson Koenig

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” Yogi Berra

 

Thoughts:

I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.

I am not in jail, a hospital, or a grave – I’d say I am having a good day.

Killing them with kindness is taking way longer than I expected.

Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria of a mental hospital.

There is nothing scarier than that moment when you lose your balance in the shower and thing “They are going to find me naked.”

 

Two final jokes:

The proud parents of little Bobby came to see him at his school play.  Halfway through the play, a portion of the floorboards break and little Bobby fell though.

“Don’t worry,” his dad assured his mom, “It’s just a stage he is going through.”

 -----------

One day Nancy’s answered her door bell to find an enormous beetle standing there.  He reaches out and pushes her down before running away.  Shaken Nancy goes to Urgent Care and explained what happened to the doctor.

“Ah, he said, “I’m not surprised; there’s a nasty bug going around.”

 

 

Unemployed JOW #1057

I am so glad the election season is over – and I pity the poor people of Georgia who have another month of political ads left.  Now if only we could get by the Medicare enrollment period so we could lose those ads, too.  Of course, those ads are already being replaced by incessant holiday ads.  Thinking of the election I am recalling some of the past elections and how the departing presidents, even Al Gore who lost a very close, contested election, conceded their defeat with dignity and grace.  Alas, those two words are not in Donald Trump’s lectionary.  But that got me thinking about losing a job, something that happened to me on a number of occasions, which led to my jokes of the week.

Some unemployment quotes.

·         "An acceptable level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job" - Author Unknown

·         "It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours" - Harry S. Truman

·         "The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form" - Stanley J. Randall

·         "Collecting unemployment is the new 30" - Author Unknown

·         "When we're unemployed, we're called lazy; when the whites are unemployed it's called a depression" - Jesse Jackson

·         "Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished" - Leslie Nielsen

·         "Monday is a lame way to spend 1/7 of your life" - Anonymous

·         "Now joblessness isn't just for philosophy majors" - Kent Brockman

·         "We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us" - Author Unknown

·         "A mission statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn" - Dave Barry

·         "The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job" - Slappy White

·         "I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early" - Charles Lamb

·         “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day" - Robert Frost

·         “Unemployment is capitalism's way of getting you to plant a garden" - Orson Scott Card

·         "The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work" - Robert Frost

·         "Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work" - Robert Orben

·         "Unemployment has given me time to pursue real skills that will help further my non-existent career" - Author Unknown

·         "One of the main perks of being unemployed is that Mondays aren't really so bad" - Author Unknown

 

At the unemployment office: “Losing your job at the Community Center was obviously a blow.  Luckily we have come up with a volunteering opportunity for you… running the local Community Center.”

--------

More from the unemployment office: “Charley, we are going to have to lay you off.  See you here on Monday.”

<<<<< 

Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English. One office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with, "Miss Symthe, I really don't know how we're going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try."

>>>>> 

Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, "Say, why did the foreman fire you?" Replied the second, "Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman."

Police Chief: "You're fired."

Me: *turns in gun and badge*
Police Chief: “You’re a janitor where did you get those”

^^^^^

I couldn't keep working on my previous job after what my boss said to me.

She told me, "You're fired."

^^^^^^

My boss at the furniture stores said "After what you did, I never want to see you again. You're fired!"

But I regret nothing. Sometimes you just have to take a stand.  

Let that one sink in.

`````````````

I was once an actor in an action movie.

Me: "Stay back, or I'll kick you!"
Director: "Cut! You messed up, try it again. Aaaaand ACTION!"
Me: "Stay back, or I'll smack you!"
Director: "Cuuut! Come on, get it correct this time! Aaaand ACTION!"
Me: "Stay back, or I'll pinch you!"
Director: "CUT! That's it, you're fired!"
Me: "Wait, why?"
Director: "Because you keep messing up the punch line!"

~~~~~~~~~

Responding to the Corona virus shutdown, a Seattle business owner called in his four employees for a meeting.  I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go."

Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority."

Female Employee: "And I'm a woman."

Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."

To which they all turn to look at the hapless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..."

 

Enough out of work jokes

My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighborhood animals immediately started attacking it.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

…..

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic.

He said: “Sure, knock yourself out!”

-------

I absolutely refuse to vaccinate my kids.  I'll have the doctor do it instead; he's trained for it.

Jellyfish have survived 650 million years despite having no discernable brain.  This gives me hope for so many people.

+++++++++

I think Congressmen should wear uniforms. You know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsor

And finally

The Bible tells us to love one another.  The Kama Sutra is a little more specific.

Malapropism JOW #1056

 I for one am glad the elections are over because that means so are the campaign ads.  The US has elected the oldest president in its history.  Based on his condition and advanced age, Biden will be 78 when he is inaugurated - it is likely he will be a one term president, and indeed there is a very good chance he may pass on and wind up providing the United States with its first female president.  I am confident that Ol’ Joe will stay in office longer that William Harrison, who only lasted a month before dying of pneumonia after giving a two hour inauguration speech in the rain.  If Joe does shuffle off this mortal coil while in office it will probably be more like Warren G. Harding who lasted just over two years before he died, according to some, of a broken heart when he realized he was just a weak puppet for shadowy oligarchs.

Joe has been guilty, as have we all, of using the wrong word resulting in a humorous error called a malapropism.  They will make up the bulk of this JOW.  Here are a few examples.

·         He's a wolf in cheap clothing.

·         It was a case of love at Versailles.

·         He's got one of those sight-seeing dogs.

·         In Algiers, they spend most of their time at the cash bar.

·         My sister has extra-century perception.

·         A fool and his money are some party.

·         All's fear in love and war.

·         Nip it in the butt.

·         Some viruses can lie doormat for years.

·         To each his zone.

·         Michelangelo painted the Sixteenth Chapel.

·         No more negotiating - it's a dumb deal.

·         It's a long road to hold.

·         All I want from you kids is a little piece of quiet

·         Some people drink themselves into Bolivia

·         A friend of mine once noted that she preferred “decapitated coffee.”

·         Another friend claimed her boyfriend “took her for granite.”

·         A longtime Navy man was once reported to have died from “sea roaches of the liver.”

 

Some medical malapropisms:

One woman told her doctor that she was going through “mental pause,” before adding that her husband had quit smoking, “cold duck.” (Did she mean that he had quit drinking Cold Duck?)

Another was said to have told a counselor that she couldn’t have a sexually transmitted disease because, despite a recent “falling down,” both she and her husband were unfailingly “monotonous.”

And then there was the gastrointestinal patient who apparently got confused on the word “spectrum” and said of a beautiful sunset, “It had all the colors of the rectum.”

 

Here are a few other documented malapropisms, or in the next case, simple nervous babbling.

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Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C .

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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas...

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Yogi Berra

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

--Al Gore, Vice President

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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

-- Dan Quayle

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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

 

Newspapers (remember them?) have their own problems with headlines.  Here are some examples.

 

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think?

------------------------------ ------------------------------ 

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  Now that's taking things a bit far!

  ---------------------------- -- -----------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
  What a guy!

------------------------------ ------------------------------ --- 

 Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

------------------------------ ------------------------ 

 Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

---------------------------- -- ----------------------------

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
 Who would have thought!

 

 

 

 

Electoral JOW #1055

 

I don’t usually approve of political jokes.  I’ve seen too many of them get elected.  But with the election before us I felt compelled to chip in some jokes of that type. 

There is a lot of uncertainty about this election.  Of course, we probably won’t know who will be leading our country for the next four years on election night.  In fact, If Biden wins we may not know who is running things for years. 

Here are a few bits of relatively benign political humor.

 Nobody keeps election promises, nobody will listen to your concerns, and nobody tells the truth.  Vote for Nobody!

 I like the political slogan: Any Functioning Adult 2020

 It’s important to look closely at lawn signs during election campaigns.  Last time I voted for a real estate agent.

 Did you hear the one about the Senator who won his election despite not having thumbs?  He ran unopposed.

+++++++

Two friends with radically different political views are on their way to the polls on Election Day. One guy turns to the other and says "You know, we've argued about this for months, and we're obviously going to vote for different candidates. Our votes will cancel each other out anyways, so why don't we just call it a draw and go home instead?"

Other guy agrees, they shake hands and part ways.

Another guy who overheard the conversation approaches the dealmaker and says with admiration, "That's a real sportsmanlike offer you just made!"

"Not really," guy says, “I’ve already done this three times just this afternoon."

^^^^^^^

My own father recently voted Democratic. He would have never done something like that if he was still alive.

`````````````

A Harley Biker is sitting on his Harley, drinking a beer, by the Zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.”
The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”
The reporter says, “Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?”
The biker replies "I'm a U.S. Marine; I’m in town for a Trump rally."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH”

 

I feel empowered to make fun of other country’s elections.

Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote.  Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious

~~~~~

After the Russian election Putin meets with his staff

Staff: “Sir Comrade Vlad, we have got good news and bad news for you.”
Putin: “I’m not scared of bad news, I’ve wrestled bears, tigers and a small rhino with my bare Russian hands. Tell me!”
Staff: “Your opponent got 51% of the votes.”
Putin: “That is terrible news! What on earth can be the good news?!”
Staff: “You got 52%.”

___________

Advisor: Putin! I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Putin: The good news of course.
Advisor: You won the election!
Putin: So then what’s the bad news?
Advisor: No one voted for you.

****

In Egypt, the election system used to be that people would vote yes or no to the current president to determine whether elections were going to happen or not. The day before the polls everyone would hang signs saying yes to the president. But one man decided to vote no.
Later that night, the man could not sleep, afraid he might have made the wrong decision. So the next day he goes to the poll workers
"I believe I have voted for the wrong option yesterday," he says. "I want to change my vote to a yes"
The poll worker smiles at him and says: "No problem we corrected it for you."

===========

Following are the multiple choice options of the North Korean elections

A:Kim Jong Un
B:A
C:B
D:C 

Even the Papal elections are fodder for jokes

The papal elections came down to two contenders:

Cardinal Koch and Cardinal Sea. The votes were tallied and Cardinal Koch won by 1 vote. However, moments later, Koch suffered a massive heart attack.
The Dean came out of the room where they took Koch. He looked at the assembled cardinals. They asked, “Will we have Pope Koch?”

The Dean shook his head and said, “Koch is gone, is Pope Sea ok?”

And finally a Jewish mother semi-political joke

The year is 2028 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Sarah Goldstein.
She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration?"
"I don't think so. It's a ten-hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again."
"Don't worry about it, Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door."
"I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy; what on earth would I wear?
Sarah replies, "I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown, custom-made by the best designer in New York."
"Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat."
The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York; kosher all the way Mom, I really want you to come."
So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2029, Sarah Goldstein is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a senator sitting next to her and says, "You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States?"
The senator whispers back, "Yes, I do."
Mom says proudly, "Her brother is a doctor."