Shopping JOW

This is the final push for those Christmas shoppers who have not completed their shopping on Black Friday or Cyber Monday, or Green Tuesday, or whatever other contrived date the marketers could come up with. I still have a few things left to give (and get). I was going to ask for either a sweatshirt or a wind breaker but I could not decide if was going to sweat or break wind. I guess I will have to settle for socks.
Here is a gift for those of you who are also out doing your shopping: a few seasonal jokes.
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The man approached a lovely woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
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The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read... MAIN ENTRANCE.
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"Cash, check or charge?" The clerk asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet he noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"Do you always carry your TV remote?" he asked.
"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."
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A teenage girl shopping at the mall stopped at the perfume counter and looked at the perfumes offered there: “My Sin”, “Desire”, and “Ecstasy”.
She turned to the salesperson and asked, “Do you have anything else? I don`t want to get emotionally involved...I just want to smell nice.”
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Dan sent me a cautionary tale for the party season:
This is a word to the wise for all my email friends. I would like to share an experience with you; it has to do with drinking and driving. As you know some of us have had brushes with the authorities over the years. The other night I was out for dinner with a few friends. After consuming too much brandy, and knowing full well that I was wasted, I did something I've never done before. Believe it or not, I took a bus home. Yes, a bus. I arrived home safely and without incident. This was really a surprise to me since I have never driven a bus before.

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Finally, Martha has a good idea about helping with our immigration mess -
To help save the economy, the government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegal’s) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.



Tom