Restaurant JOW #760

I went back to visit my kids/grandkids back in New Orleans this week.  My son is helping to open a restaurant in Mid City there in the Big Easy specializing in grill cheese cuisine.  They call it the Big Cheezy.  That got me thinking about restaurants and people who work in restaurants.

“Yay! It’s the weekend…” said nobody who ever worked in a restaurant.  It is not a job, it is a lifestyle.  While at a fancy French restaurant there, I thought I'd be cool and order the "Poulet a la Ferrari."   Turns out that was an ordinary chicken that'd been run over by a very fancy car. 

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Stanley had been a waiter ever since he was in high school. Now in his fifties, he still served people their meals in the same restaurant he loved so dearly. One day, though, Stanley

suffered a fatal heart attack.  His grief-stricken wife, Fannie, was also a firm believer

in spiritualism, and was certain that she would be able to talk to her departed husband's spirit. For months she attempted to contact him through an assorted number of psychics and spiritualists, but all to no avail.  One night, while thinking it over, she realized that the

reason she had so much trouble was because his spirit would remain haunting the place where he spent most of his time: the restaurant! She called up the restaurant and spoke to his

old boss. The man, willing to do anything to comfort a late employee's widow, agreed to let her stage a seance at the restaurant after closing time. 

The night of the seance, Fannie sat at a table, clearing her mind, and softly she spoke: "Stanley, can you hear me?"

"Hello, Fannie. How's by you?" came the unmistakable sound of Stanley's voice.

 "Stanley, I can barely hear you. Could you speak a little louder?"

 "I can't speak any louder. "

  "Well, can you move a little closer to me?"

  "No, that I cannot do."

  "Why not?"

  "I'm sorry, but that's not my table."

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A couple were lunching at a sidewalk cafe in Hermosa Beach, CA.  The waitress looked like a real surfer girl - athletic with a great tan and blond hair.  Mulling over the menu, the woman asked her if the roast beef was rare.   The waitress gave her a long blank look, and then replied, "Well, no - we have it, like, totally every day."

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A woman and her husband were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the night’s special is chicken almandine and fresh fish.

"The chicken sounds good; I’ll have that," the woman says.

The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks.

"Oh, he’ll have the fish," she replies.

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·         Which Star Wars character works at a restaurant? Darth Waiter

·         Whenever I'm serving an uptight vegan, I tend to walk on eggshells...which really upsets them.

·         When you dine out and all the waiters are wearing gloves; do you ever wonder what's in the food that makes them so afraid?

·         Servers wonder why, when they ask people if they want something to drink, they say, "No, I'll just have water."

·         There is a special place in hell for people who never tip their servers – A place where they are always thirsty… and no one will bring them a glass of water

·         Sign in restroom: “Employees must wash hands.  You should, too, but I am not your mother.”  And in another (men’s) restroom I saw this one:  “We aim to please so you aim, too, please.”  You see it is all in the punctuation.

I am sure that servers arrive at work with best intentions and the right idea.  And then the customers start showing up.  There are a lot of jokes about interactions between servers and customers most dealing with a fly in the soup.  I have refrained from all but one of those – even I have standards.

“Waiter, you're not fit to serve a pig!”

“I'm doing my best, sir.”

First Man:  "Waiter, bring me a cup of tea!" Second Man:  "Bring me a cup of tea, too, and be sure the cup is clean."

Waiter, bringing the tea: "Two cups of tea! And which of you ordered the clean cup?"

"Sorry, waiter, I asked for the hamburger without the bun"

"My apologies, no bun intended"

"Waiter, waiter!  Bring me some alligator, and make it snappy!"

”Waiter, there is a Flea in my Red Hot Chili Peppers.” (A rock and roll reference)

"Waiter, will my pizza be long?" 

"No sir, it will be round!"

Okay, one fly in the soup joke; it is traditional

Waiter, there is a dead fly swimming in my soup! Don't be silly, dead flies can't swim!

A woman walks into a restaurant and takes a seat. As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly, with the waiter right behind her.

Embarrassed, she sits back up abruptly, looks at the waiter and shouts "Stop that!"

To which the Waiter replies "Sure, Which Way Did It Go?"
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Two logic professors went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"

The professors looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.