I have been asked if there are any jokes in this book. Yes, of course there are. In fact much of the latter part of the book is a romantic comedy staring Zoe, the resourceful young woman who is ‘probably a respectable widow’. There is also a section that discusses “Why a dog is better than a man.”
Look for an email detailing more about how you can get a copy of this wonderful historical romance. Meanwhile, here are the jokes:
Here is a new breakthrough in entertainment technology.
Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device (BOOK).
It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere-even sitting in an armchair by the fire-yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disk.
Here's how it works: Each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. These pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. By using both sides of each sheet, manufacturers are able to cut costs in half. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. The BOOK may be taken up at any time and used by merely opening it. The "browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish. Most come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any elected information for instant retrieval.
An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open the BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session-even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers.
Portable, durable and affordable, the BOOK is the entertainment wave of the future, and many new titles are expected soon, due to the surge in popularity of its programming tool, the Portable Erasable-Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus...(PENCILS).
Not every one appreciates books:
TEACHER: Who is your favorite author?
PUPIL: George Washington.
TEACHER: But George Washington never wrote any books.
PUPIL: You got it.
And then there are the working parts of creating a book, such as dictionaries.
My sister gave me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday.
I couldn't find the words to thank her.
If you don't know what the word "dictionary" means,
where would you look it up?
And of course, a tribute to literary types
Q. How many editors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Only one; but first they have to rewire the entire building.
Q. How many illustrators does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Does it HAVE to be a lightbulb?
Q. How many copyeditors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. The last time this question was asked, it involved illustrators. Is the difference intentional? Should one or the other instance be changed? It seems inconsistent.
Q. How many new authors does it take to change lightbulb.
A. That’s not important; let me tell you about my new book!!
Q. How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one's shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.
Q. How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. One to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Mary Ellen and Bil really banged on my punctuation (and each other). Punctuation is important. Just check out different meanings of this punctuation parable
Dear John,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior.
You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy - will you let me be yours?
Gloria
Dear John,
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior.
You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Gloria
And finally,
A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being processed, he passed a room where an editor he knew was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman.
"What a crummy deal!" The man complained. "I have to burn for all eternity and that editor spends it with that gorgeous woman."
An escorting demon jabs the man with his pitchfork and shouts, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
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