Grand Old JOW

I got to see my grand daughters this weekend, so I seemed only right to list a few jokes about parents of parents. There are also a couple of old people jokes as a bonus, but first a notice about the economy.

Notice:
Due to recent budget cuts, high unemployment and the rising costs of food, electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, and the overall state of the union, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Grand Observations:
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• A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television.
• What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies. ~Rudolph Giuliani
• A house needs a grandma in it. ~Louisa May Alcott
• Our grandchildren accept us for ourselves, without rebuke or effort to change us, as no one in our entire lives has ever done, not our parents, siblings, spouses, friends - and hardly ever our own grown children. ~Ruth Good
• If God had intended us to follow recipes, He wouldn't have given us grandmothers. ~Linda Henley
• Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you're just a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric. ~Pam Brown
• We should all have one person who knows how to bless us despite the evidence, Grandmother was that person to me. ~Phyllis Theroux
• It's one of nature's way that we often feel closer to distant generations than to the generation immediately preceding us. ~Igor Stravinsky
• Grandchildren don't stay young forever, which is good because Pop-pops have only so many horsey rides in them. ~Gene Perret
• When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window. ~Ogden Nash
• Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete. ~Marcy DeMaree
• A married daughter with children puts you in danger of being catalogued as a first edition.
• Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies.
• My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. ~Henry Youngman
• Grandchildren are the dots that connect the lines from generation to generation. ~Lois Wyse
• Uncles and aunts, and cousins, are all very well, and fathers and mothers are not to be despised; but a grandmother, at holiday time, is worth them all. ~Fanny Fern
• It is as grandmothers that our mothers come into the fullness of their grace. ~Christopher Morley
• Sometimes our grandmas and grandpas are like grand-angels. ~Lexie Saige
• Do you know why grandchildren are always so full of energy? They suck it out of their grandparents. ~Gene Perret

My grandmother moved in with our family of five. As I was brushing my teeth one morning, she tapped on the door. "Is anyone in there?" she called.
I mumbled an answer, to which she replied, "Is that a yes or a no?"

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A little old man in the city, living in an apartment on the tenth floor of an urban apartment building, had an antique grandfather clock. This particular clock was unusually large, and he had owned it for a long time and was naturally very fond of it. But, the grandfather clock stopped running, and he couldn't get a repairman to come to his apartment to fix it. A clock repairman down the street said he'd fix it, but that he didn't make house calls. And so, the old man made an appointment to have his clock fixed.
He moved the clock from the apartment to the hall, barely getting it through the small door of his apartment. Then he carried it down the hall, stopping every ten feet to rest, until he reached the elevator. This was the easy part, but when he got to the lobby, he encountered the revolving front doors. After struggling with the clock for half an hour, he finally got it to the street. Then he struggled down the street with it, again stopping every ten feet or so to rest.
A drunk stood by watching the poor old fellow’s painful progress. Eventually he could stand it no longer. He approached the old fellow and asked the obvious question.
"Why don't you wear a wristwatch like everybody else?"


Games For When We Are Older
1. Sag, you're it
2. Pin the toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over
6. Doc, Doc, Goose
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Hide and Go Pee
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
10. Musical Recliners