Semi Retired JOW

I have come to the realization that I am semi-retired. This does not mean I have replaced the tires on my big truck. I just sort of work now and again─ well most of us do that, the difference is that I now only get paid now and again. I am staying busy though. I have decided that retirement is when you leave a life of work to start work on living. In one sense it is like being in college, only with more money and less hair.
Now that I am older I find that:

I 'm still the life of the party...... even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I smile all the time because I can't hear a thing anyone is saying.
I have had compliments on my alligator shoes and I am barefoot.
I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over...
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
I have trouble remembering simple words like.......
And, how can my kids be older than I feel sometimes?

Some Wise old quotes:
•Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~ Herbert Henry Asquith
•I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. ~ Bob Hope
•We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. ~ Will Rogers
•Don't worry about avoiding temptation ...As you grow older, it will avoid you. ~ Winston Churchill
•Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.....But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. ~ Phyllis Diller
•The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out. ~ Unknown
•By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. ~ Billy Crystal
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An elderly couple was attending church services, about halfway through she leans over and says, " I just had a silent fart what do you think I should do?"
He replies "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

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A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and suddenly, the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I tried to get my weapon ready, but there was no time, the tiger leapt toward me with a mighty Roooaarrrrr!”
He stopped and continued, “I soiled myself."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went 'Roooaarrrrr!'"
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Seven seniors, all in their eighties, were staging their bi-weekly poker game when suddenly, the guy they called “Happy” because he never smiled, and who was down more than three hundred dollars on the night, shouted “Holy Crap” and fell dead face first on the table.
There was a moment of surprised silence, then the guy next to him checked Happy’s pulse. “He’s dead.” After a quick look around the table, he added “Happy folds.”
All six shuffled their way to a standing position in honor of their fallen poker buddy and in an unanimous vote, decided it was only fitting to finish the hand.
As the cards were being shuffled for the next hand the guy they called, “Big Dave”, because he stooped to only five foot one, suggested that someone had to tell Happy’s wife Dora. As no one volunteered, they decided to draw cards – the lowest had to communicate the bad news.
The guy they called “Sammy” because his name was Samuel, drew a two of spades – he would be the messenger.
”For god’s sake take it easy when you tell Dora – don’t be too direct -ease into it.” ordered the guy they called “Hammer” because he has a permanent blue coloured finger after smashing it with a hammer some ten years ago.
After the game had wrapped up for the night, Sammy went over to see Dora. When she answered the door, Sammy, in a soft apologetic voice said, “Happy just lost three hundred dollars in the Poker game."
”Tell him to drop dead.”Dora screamed.

”I’ll deliver the message.”