Veteran JOW

This being Veterans Day, I have a military theme for my JOW. I spent 24 years I the Navy, so I guess I am qualified to do a veteran-themed set of jokes. I must admit that I am a bit embarrassed about all the thanks that have been offered to me for my service. After all, I seem to remember getting paid for what I did. I must also admit, I joined the Navy in part because they let me go to exciting places, and drive big ships and blow stuff up; all at taxpayer expense. That said, it was a necessary job. I found this quote from an unlikely source and thought it applied rather well for Veteran’s Day.
“We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men stand watch in the night to visit violence upon those who would do us harm.” George Orwell
==================
Four retired veterans are walking down the street. When they see a sign that says "Veterans Bar," they go in. The bartender asks what they will have and they all ask for a martini.
He delivers the drinks and says, "That will be 40 cents," They can't believe their good luck.
They finish the drinks and order another round and the bartender again says, "That will be 40 cents."
This whets their curiosity, so they ask the bartender, "How can you afford to serve martinis for a dime apiece?"
The bartender replies, "I guess you've seen the decor here. Well, I am a retired Navy Master Chief and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery and decided to open this place for real veterans. Every drink costs a dime -- wine, liquor, beer all the same."
They notice four guys at the end of the bar who haven't ordered anything.
They ask, "What's with them?"
The bartender says "Oh, those are retired Air Force Colonels, they are waiting for Happy Hour!"
===================
There are real differences in how the four services view the world. For example, if you give the command "SECURE THE BUILDING", here is what the different services would do:
The Navy would turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Army would surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire.
The Marine Corps would assault the building, using overlapping fields of fire from all appropriate points on the perimeter.
The Air Force would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy the building.

When the services start up a base from scratch, they all have different priorities.
The first thing Navy would put up a bulletin board so they can post watch bills.
The Marine Corps would build a barber shop first.
The Air Force would build a huge elaborate set of Officers and Enlisted Clubs right from the start.
The Army would initially erect a little hooch so they could hold awards boards to give each other medals.

I believe these differences are due in part to the very structure of the names of the various branches of the armed services.
For example the term “Marine” is from the Latin root “Mar” meaning “Sea”
And the term Navy traces its roots to the Greek “Navious” meaning “handsome” or "physically attractive”.
And Army is from the Latin “Armeus” which means to “bungle” or “screw up”
Of course the ancients were far too wise to allow the formation of an independent Air Force.

Marines have the right attitude for the military. Here are some actual USMC bumper stickers.
“When We Do our Job People Shoot at Us”
“When in Doubt, Empty the Magazine”
“Napalm is Okay by Me”

And here are the rules of the various services, (provided to me by a USMC Gunnery Sergeant)
Marine Corps Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet ¬
6. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
7. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
8. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
9. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
10. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
11. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
12. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.
==================
US Army Rangers Rules:
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.
=============
US Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LT's; it can get you killed.
==============
US Air Force Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation.
5. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
6. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
7. Declare your assets to be "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
8. Always leave early enough to make your tee-time.

============
US Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines

I like the Navy rules. They are clear, to the point, and way simpler than the Marine rules.