It is time for a Dogcentric JOW. Sure, jokes about dogs are easy, but they still bring a smile to my face. Sometimes, as I watch the unalloyed and unfettered joy of my dogs at such events as dinnertime, or walk time, or greeting us when we return I envy their life. I could be a dog, hey, I know how to chase squirrels and take naps. On the other hand, In dog years, I would be dead. All I can say is if there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

Groucho Marx had some wonderful thoughts about dogs:
Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book; inside of a dog, it is very dark.



A woman noticed a stray dog. She was a very nice, well mannered animal with a collar but no tags. She just came up on the porch and slept for a couple of hours and then disappeared. The next day she was back at about the same time. Soon she was coming inside for her naps. The dog was always perfectly behaved and obviously had a loving home somewhere else.
Finally the woman decided to solve the mystery. She attached a note to the dog’s collar explaining what the dog was doing each day.
The next day the dog was bag with and explanatory reply.
“Ginger is our dog; we have five children in our home, two of which are under the age of five. I think she just needs a place to catch up on her sleep. P.S. Can I come over when she does, too?”
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The following ad appeared in an Atlanta newspaper. There were many, many replies
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE
SBF Seeks Male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a svelte good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love: long walks in the woods, hunting, camping, riding in your pickup truck, fishing trips, and cozy winter nights spent lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call 555-2121 and ask for Daisy.
(The phone number was the Humane Society and Daisy was an eight week old black Labrador retriever.)

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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
The vet says, "Well, let's have a look at him." So the vet picks the dog up while examining his eyes. Finally he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Just because he is cross-eyed?"
"No, because he is really, really heavy."

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Two Irish nuns have just arrived in US.
One says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America , we might as well do as the Americans do."
The mother superior pointed out a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.
The vendor is too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their 'dogs'. The younger nun blushes and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part... did you get...?"

Finally, a donation from Sandy

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale '
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.
I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff.'