The season of Lent is upon us, a traditional time of reflection and fasting. Unfortunately we Americans are not so good at the fasting thing. Just look at the body types around any fast food restaurant and you will see what I mean. Lent is also not a prime source of humor─ I take that as a challenge. Here are some Lenten Jokes, sort of. Okay, so there is one or two with a few church jokes thrown in.
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John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John. He was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided to try and convert John to become a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said,
"You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are Catholic."
The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.
The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was setting down to their tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill. The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! WHAT WAS GOING ON? They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent. The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying,
"You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."

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The following caption was found written on a gravestone...
"As I am now, you soon shall be, so be content to follow me."
Then someone taped the following note on that gravestone...
"To follow you I'm not content, until I know which way you went!"
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Getting Ready for Lent
If you can start the day without caffeine or pills,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things,
Then you are probably the family dog.

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Lenten prayer
"So far today, God, I've done all right. I haven’t had a drink or been in a fight. I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper. I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish. I'm really glad of that.
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed; and from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot of help."

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Mary Ellen sent us these excerpts from Church Bulletins. These examples are hard proof that ‘spell check’ won’t fix all your printing problems.

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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many that are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.