Winter Follies JOW #497

The Olympics, Winter version, have been on for a week or so. We celebrated here in Houston with snow. There were at least 50 or 60 flakes recorded by trained observers filtering down between the sleet and drizzle. Of course, the next day it was sunny again, but let it be noted we did observe the season. I haven’t watched the Games very much but I did catch the curling ‘competition’. Fascinating. Curling is like the Al Gore of sports. They have figured out how to make a winter sport out of shuffleboard. It brought back to mind nights in a tavern sliding pucks along a sand-lubricated shuffleboard table. Of course, curling is an “Olympic Sport” so they are allowed to sweep the ice ahead of the stone. That is much more energetic than merely watching a metal puck slide along while holding a beer. I think women like curling because they get to see men pushing brooms. I can hardly wait until they have curling on WII.
Here are some related jokes that I hope will brighten your day.
First, some famous Olympic commentary:

• Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
• Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
• Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
• Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
• Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriva from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."


Here are some questions purportedly sent to the Canadian Tourism board prior to the Olympics

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is . . . oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, We don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather ... try the Hippodrome in Calgary on a Tuesday night! And come naked.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I was in Canada in 1989 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.


And finally, a joke I use every winter. It is topical, not tropical.

One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast. They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."
Norman's blonde wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio Announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow
today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."
Norman 's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.
You must park ..............."
Then the power goes out!
Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look
on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do.
Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows
can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are
married to blondes exhibit, Norman says ..
"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"