Dog Gone JOW

This is by far the hardest JOW I have ever done. The one where I announced I had a brain tumor and was facing life-threatening surgery was a snap by comparison. That was about something that was happening to me. This is about something that happened to my best friend: Khobar, our ten year old Saluki. He became so sick that we had to put him down this morning. As I loved him very much is a sad time, but it was also the right time for him to depart.
So far this JOW is entirely too maudlin for a supposed set of jokes. I will include a photograph of us running as well as some more vignettes about my late dog after the last joke so if you are not in a mood to hear about my late buddy you can skip the tribute.

Some quotes about dogs by some famously witty people.
"You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us."
Robert Louis Stevenson

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
Will Rogers, 1897-1935

"The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's."
Mark Twain, letter to WD Howells 1899
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To show that I can make jokes about most things, here is one I used a few months ago.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
The vet says, "Well, let's have a look at him." So the vet picks the dog up while examining his eyes. Finally he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Just because he is cross-eyed?"
"No, because he is really, really heavy."



It was a slow day in heaven so God phoned Satan to see what was going on down there.
"It's slow here, too", said Satan
"Well," God said, "I think a dog show might be fun."
"Sounds good," says Satan, "But why are you calling me? You've got all the dogs up there."
"I know," answered God, "But you've got all the dog show judges."

Ways the U.S. Would Be Different If the Next President Were a Dog:
There would be a doggy door on oval office
At press conferences, instead of "Mr. President," reporters would shout, "Here fella!"
There would be toilet a bowl water scandals & sausage-gate
The Washington Monument would be replaced with hundred-story fire hydrant
U.S. might have more coherent foreign policy

The Top Ten Reasons Why a Dog Is Better than a Woman:
10. A dog's parents will never visit you.
9. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
8. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
7. A dog never expects you to telephone.
6. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
5. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
4. A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog.
3. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.
2. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
1. A dog does not shop.

Top Ten Reasons Why Dogs Are Better Than Men:
10. Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
9. Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
8. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
7. Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
6. You can house train a dog.
5. Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
4. Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
3. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
2. Dogs don't care whether or not you shave your legs.
1. Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.
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Doggie Bumper Stickers:

Honk If You Love Hot Dogs!
If You Can Read This, You're Hanging Too Far Out Of The Window!
Vet is a 4-Letter Word!
I'd Rather Be Digging A Hole In The Back Yard!
Caution - Driver Drools Out The Window!
Dead Cats - We're For 'Em!

And finally a story that is entirely too close to home.
An old man and his dog were walking along a road with fences on both sides… The man was enjoying the walk when it suddenly came to him that he was dead. He remembered dying. His dog had been dead for years.
As they walked along they came to a beautiful gate with a person in white robes standing there. "Welcome to Heaven"
he said. The old man was happy and started in with his dog following him.
The gatekeeper stopped him. "Dogs aren't allowed; he can't come with you."
"What kind of Heaven won't allow dogs? If He can't come in, then I will stay out with him. He's been my faithful companion all his life, I can't desert him now."
"Suit yourself, but I have to warn you, the Devil's on this road and he'll try to sweet talk you
into his area, he'll promise you anything, but, the dog can't go there either. If you won't leave the dog, you'll spend Eternity on this road.”
The old man shook his head, turned and he and his dog went on down the road together.
A little while later they came to a rundown fence with a simple gate that looked as if had never been closed. Another old man was inside.
"Scuse me Sir, my dog and I are getting mighty tired, mind if we come in and sit in the shade for awhile?"
"Of course, there's some cold water under that tree over there. Make yourselves comfortable “
“You're sure my dog can come in?”
“The man down the road said dogs weren't allowed anywhere."
"Would you come in if you had to leave the dog?"
"No sir, that's why I didn't go to Heaven, he said the dog couldn't come in. We'll be spending
Eternity on this road, and a glass of cold water and some shade would be mighty fine right about now. But, I won't come in if my buddy here can't come too, and that's final."
The man smiled a big smile and said "Welcome to Heaven."
"You mean this is Heaven? Dogs ARE allowed? That is confusing; how come that fellow down the road said that was heaven, too?"
"That was the Devil and he gets all the people who are willing to give up a life-long companion for a comfortable place to stay. They soon find out their mistake, but then it's too late. We are just happy they screen out the folks who would just leave their best friend behind.”


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Some of my readers had the pleasure of meeting our big, regal white saluki, Al Khobar; he was a sweet and dignified animal. We got his as a puppy in early 2000, all long legs and soft coat. He soon grew to his full-Texas sized stature; some said he was the biggest Saluki in North America. Like all Salukis, Khobar loved to run and he was good at it. There are few things more graceful and lovely than a Saluki at speed. I have seen him catch ducks and geese on the wing. He could run faster than they could fly. He would come up on their rear quarter and leap into the air to snatch the bird right out of the air; an amazing sight. It was all catch and release for Khobar. This is the sound he made when he spit out a duck: “phutt”. Then he would preen to me about his running skills while the duck waddled off to hold an indignation meeting. After a year or so, all the waterfowl headed for ponds as soon as Khobar came in view: he was not so good at swimming. I would sometimes let him run free on a safe golf course. He would dash off the length of the hole, and then turn and come flying back passing close by like an animated motorcycle. I once measured his stride on a wet fairway. Four footprints, almost in a line, were spaced each about a foot or so apart, then there a prodigious bound of eight to nine feet to another grouping of four footprints. Khobar loved to go jogging; we ran many hundred miles together. He still holds the record at our local club with 55 Five Kilometer runs completed. Of course, he always took advantage of the lakes and ponds along the course. In the heat of summer he would usually go in for a refreshing dip, making him a Biathlete of sorts.
What he did best was lounge about looking elegant. As David R. once put it, ‘you would be in a room and then notice he had quietly drifted in. He wouldn’t bug you, he just wanted to provide company.’ It was rare for me to be in a room for five minutes without Khobar coming by to either make sure I was there, or to quietly join me ─ a discrete friendly presence.
Always a gentleman, he would greet visitors with typical reserve. Once he came to trust you he might bestow a special honor on you ─ to pass between your legs. As he was a very tall dog, his could be quite a thrill for shorter visitors. He was certainly the King Dog in the house, and he filled that role with royal grace.
Khobar had been in declining in vigor for some weeks. When he would not even go out for a walk we knew it was time to see the vet. Monday morning we took him in. He had become so weak that I had to help him in and out of the car. X-Rays revealed a dramatically enlarged heart and a number of serious associated health issues. I got medicine for him and brought him home. We knew that the prognosis was not good at all ─ he did not have long to live. He was a dog with literally too great a heart.
When we got home we tempted him into taking all his meds with some of his favorite treats; it did not last. Within an hour he has thrown them all up. After that he refused to eat anything at all. At one point late last night as I lay beside him he bumped me with his big head and gave me a look. The thought was as clear as if he had spoken ─“It is time for me to go, Boss.”
We took him in this morning. By now he was so weak I had to actually carry him ─ no easy task with an 85 pound dog. They did not keep us waiting long. Khobar passed out of this life painlessly, full of years, surrounded by the people who loved him. We should all be so lucky but I miss him terribly.
Nothing would be more joyous to me than, when my own time comes, God chooses to send a big white furry four-legged angel racing down to bring me home.


Thos. Pinney