Sporty JOW #503

What with various basketball and golf tournaments going on as well as Opening Day for Baseball, my mind has turned to sports. Here are a few sports-related jokes for your amusement.

I used to try to play golf. Because words are important to me I wondered if the word for a stroke taken on the green was spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T. P-U-T-T is correct. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. P-U-T-T means a vain attempt to do the same thing.

I will start with a true story about truth in advertising.

Nike has a television commercial for hiking shoes that was shot in Kenya using Samburu tribesmen. The camera closes in on the one tribesman who speaks, in native Maa. As he speaks, the Nike slogan "Just Do It" appears in the screen. Lee Cronk, an anthropologist at the University of Cincinnati, says the Kenyan is really saying, "I don't want these. Give me big shoes."
Nike's Elizabeth Dolan admitted, "We thought nobody in America would know what he said." -from an article in Forbes Magazine

March Madness, is behind us, unless you refer to the time you spend doing your income taxes. I thought a few basketball jokes would be appropriate.
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"He's great on the court, but how's his scholastic work?" asked sportswriter of a college basketball player in a interview.
"Why, he makes straight A's," replied the coach.
"Wonderful!" said the sportswriter.
"Yes," agreed the coach, "but his B's are a little crooked."

-L.A. Lakers Elden Campbell was asked if he earned a degree at Clemson University, “No”, he replied “but they gave one to me anyway.”
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A true Bobby Knight story: In the 1980 Olympics, the U.S. basketball team, coached by Knight, played and beat the Chinese team handily. When asked about the win, Bobby with typical sensitivity said, "It was a lot of fun playing the Chinese, but an hour later, we wanted to play them again."

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As two referees walked through the countryside, they noticed some tracks.
First said, “Are those deer tracks?”
Second said “No, I think they are bear tracks.”
The conversation ended abruptly when a train hit them.

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Sometimes I play old guy pickup basketball games. We don't have jump balls. The ref just puts the ball on the floor and whoever can bend over and pick it up gets possession.

In honor of the Masters Golf Tournament here are a couple of golf jokes

A wife was getting tired of her husband golfing every Saturday, so she decided to go with him to see what the attraction was.
His first drive of the day went into the rough,; his second shot bounced across the fairway into the lake. After retrieving his ball, his third shot wasn't any better. It went back across the fairway into the rough again.
After taking several more shots to finally reach the green, he turned to his wife and said,
"And you thought I was having coming out here to enjoy myself."
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An here is old guy golf joke in honor of my late dad.

An Octogenarian moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play but was told everyone scheduled to play was already out on the course. He was so disappointed, the Assistant Pro said he would play with him and would give him a 12 stroke handicap.
The 80 year old said "I really don't need a handicap. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps."
On the very first hole, the old fellow’s ball landed in one of the two sand traps around the hole. Shooting from the sand trap, he hit a high ball which landed on the green and rolled right into the hole!
The Assistant Pro was stunned. "Nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps."
"I do,” replied the octogenarian."Give me a hand."