Political JOW

My subject this week: professional politicians. I know, it is an easy target but I am a little busy. Actually, I am more irritated than usual with their antics. I look at Brazil that is currently booming. Its outgoing president says that the secret to successful government is to do the things everyone knows need to be done.” Recently a professional clown named Tiririca was voted into the Brazilian Congress. Brazilians aren't sure what to expect, but Americans reassured them, "You'll get used to it". It is widely recognized that we have a major problem with our budget deficit. Lots of folks are forced to skimp to support a government that won't. Getting big deficits under control, like losing weight, is simple – you need to do two things. Instead of diet and exercise we must cut spending and increase taxes. I said simple, not easy. Typically Democrats want to increase taxes and Republicans want to cut spending. Recently they came up with a typical compromise: they will increase spending and cut taxes. “Hey, I know it is bad for the country,” one Washington politician was heard to admit, “but this compromise does accomplish the most important thing: it gets me reelected. And let me tell you, being in Washington is a sweet ride.”
The only thing the Democrats and Republicans seem to share in common is our money.
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“Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of congress – but I repeat myself.” -─ Mark Twain
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How much do you think Senators make? They now make $154,700 a year. But they say it will stimulate the economy because eventually that money will trickle down to the liquor stores, the hookers, the brothels ... then it will get back in the community." —Jay Leno, on Congress voting itself a pay raise
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This just in, hot off the presses. After a lengthy court battle and millions of dollars spent lobbying, the Supreme Court has ruled that there will not be a Nativity Scene in the United States capital this Christmas season.
Contrary to popular belief, this isn't for any religious reason. Congress simply has not been able to find three wise men and a virgin at the Nation's capitol.
There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.


Q: "What is the day which comes after Halloween when you have turkey?"
A: "Election day."

Q: If Congress was a football division, what would the teams be called?
A: The Stealers, the Bills, the Chargers and the Lyings.


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Corrupt Chicago politicians would frequently go the cemetery to register voters. One night one of them came across a grave so old and worn that he couldn't make out the name on the tombstone. The staffer holding the flashlight got impatient and suggested that they just move on to the next plot.
“No”, he angrily exclaimed, "This person has as much right to vote as anyone else here!"

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Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard of worthless material in the middle of a desert.
Congress said, “Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people - one to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.
Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $48,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."
So they laid off the night watchman.


Of course all this nonsense in heightened by over the top rhetoric by pop political pundits:

''When you see the effects of what they're doing to the economy, remember these words: We will survive. No -- we'll do better than survive, we will thrive, as long as these people are not in control. They are taking you to a place to be slaughtered!''
—Glenn Beck, on FOX News, Nov. 3, 2009

In reply to which Stephen Colbert responded

Who shall control the future of fortress America? Will we be, as the Republicans desire, a nation of wealthy, heavily armed white men, befouling the air and water in a ceaseless quest for profit, beholden to no laws but those of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? Or shall we instead embrace the Democrats' vision of a namby-pamby quasi-socialist Republic with an all-homosexual army, flamboyantly defending a citizenry suckling at the teat of government welfare? The choice is yours fair maiden America, for the name of this feudal system is democracy."

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And finally, words of ‘wisdom’ from arch-conservative Supreme Court Justice Antonio Scalia:

''I even accept for the sake of argument that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged.''

You go Justice Scalia!