Get your Ice Cold JOW

Martha, Mary Ellen, and Bil all provided some good JOW fodder this week. They include a few that highlight our recent winter weather.


It has been so cold here that the Emergency Service has issued a travel warning due to the cold weather. They suggest that anyone travelling in the current icy conditions should make sure they have the following:
• Shovel
• Blankets or sleeping bag
• Extra clothing including hat and gloves
• 24 hours worth of food
• Rock Salt
• Flashlight with spare batteries
• Road Flares or Reflective Triangles
• Empty gas Can
• First Aid Kit
• Jumper cables

I looked like an idiot on the bus this morning!

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An Irish Family Tradition
Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk right over the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink. So when Paddy's 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Paddy stepped out of the boat ... and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Confused and furious, Paddy went to see his grandmother. "Grandma," he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked into Paddy's troubled brown eyes and said, "That would be because your father, your grandfather, and your great grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen. You were born in August, you nit wit."
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Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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Can You Solve This Puzzle?

You are riding on a beautiful white horse.
On your left side is a drop off.
On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion.
In front of you are four large gazelles that won't get out of your way
and you can't seem to overtake them.
Behind you is a stampede of horses.
What must you do to get out of this bizarre and dangerous situation?

Answer

* Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. *

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A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when
another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever
in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was
allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement
Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.
'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get
airborne, when I put him to work.'
The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch this.'
He told Sniffer to 'search'.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very
purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That
woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to
its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a
note of his seat number for the police.'
'I like it !' said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a
moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat
and covered his ears with his paws.
The first man asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?'
The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'