Grandfatherly JOW

It has been cold here outside Houston as it has been around most of the nation. What is exciting is that they are actually predicting some Snow this week. We get a dusting of snow every decade or so, but this is a prediction of over an inch. Cool – or rather, cold! Best of all the snow will melt after a few charming hours. I whine about the heat and humidity here but it is comforting to remember that your car does not get stuck in heat and humidity does not have to be shoveled.

Tink provided me with most of these “old” jokes with some additional ones from Martha. The first joke is in honor of my own old ailing mom, (my sisters will understand).
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After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"
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A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
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A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."
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A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
My young granddaughter called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. She asked me how old I was, and I told him I was 60. My granddaughter was quiet for a moment, and then she asked,”Did you start at 1?"
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When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.

Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
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And here are some of those famous Church Bulletins notices which remind us all how important it is in the English language to keep your objects and verbs in order:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

And finally, for the socially tone deaf among us:

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. Weight Watchers will also meet at 7 PM. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.


Tom