Doctor, Doctor JOW

I have been doing in some medical work in preparation for a brief sea voyage. Some of you might know that my cousin Tor Pinney (all Pinney’s are related) has invited me to help him sail his 42 foot ketch, Silver Heels, up to Florida from Panama. I leave next Monday. Since there is limited internet access at sea the JOW will be a bit iffy for the next few weeks. Perhaps Tor will be able to blog something on his very interesting webpage, http://www.tor.cc/.
In the meantime here are a few medically-themed jokes.

Voltaire (1694 1778) knew a bit about doctors:
Doctors pour drugs of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, into human beings of whom they know nothing.
And again
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.
…………………………………….

The seven-year old girl told her mom, “A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.”
“Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed. “What happened, honey?”
“Nothing. He made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

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Have you noticed that more doctors are running their practices like an assembly line?
A man walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.
He said, "Shingles."
So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked him what he had.
He said, "Shingles."
So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history, and told him to wait in an examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had.
He said "Shingles."
So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had.
He said, "Shingles."
The doctor said, "Where?"
He said, "Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?"
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A doctor explained his prescription to his new patient:
“Take green pill with a big glass of water after getting up. Take blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Just before bed take red pill with another big glass of water.”
“Doctor just what's wrong with me?”
“You're not getting enough water.”

Here are a few one liners

• Costrophobia--Fear of rising drug prices.
• We need a good affordable disease.
• Diet tranquilizer--you don't lose weight, but you really don't
care.
• Four out of five doctors recommend another doctor.
• I stopped taking tranquilizers. I was starting to be nice to people I didn't even want to talk to.
• There is a new pill to increase virility, but if it backfires you get hemorrhoids.
• It always amazes me the progress scientists are making in cancer research. Every day they discover something else that causes it.
• Despite all the advances in medical technology the death rate remains the same: One to a person.

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Finally, since I am in one of those years of age that end in “0” I seem to have Colon Rectal Surgeons on my mind. Or maybe I have them on the other end. At any rate, here is a brief ditty to ‘end up’ on.

I praise the colorectal surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine

Respect the colorectal surgeon
It’s a calling few would crave
Lift up your hand and gladly join me
Let’s all do the ‘finger wave’

Some think the cardiologist
Is their faithful friend
But the colorectal surgeon
Will be there in the end

Why be a colorectal surgeon?
It’s one of those mysterious things
Perhaps because in their profession
There are lots of openings

I praise the colorectal surgeon
Misunderstood and much maligned
Slaving in the heart of darkness
Working where the sun don’t shine

Note: I am allowed to do these kind of things. I have a poetic license.


Tom Pinney