Gone Fishing JOW

I had the great pleasure of going fishing in and around Matagorda Bay in south Texas, one of the great coastal fisheries in the US. We were after Red Fish, Black Drum, Flounder, and Trout. Most of the time we were wading in water one to four feet deep. I really enjoy wade fishing – there is a peaceful timelessness to it, combining the need for concentration and yet allowing you the opportunity to observe the great natural beauty all around you. The Texas coast is a very rich habitat with many birds, marine mammals, and all manner of aquatic life. Of course, there's a fine line between wade fishing and just splashing around looking like an idiot. I'm great at fishing, just not so good at catching. Fortunately I was with three really expert fishermen; I guess their skill is contagious because even I caught some good fish. And when I say good I do not just mean good-sized, I mean tasty.
Going fishing always reminds me of that great bit of wisdom: Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day... Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day...
So here are some fishing-related jokes for your amusement.

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Two fishermen travel 100 miles to try out a new fishing spot. They buy a variety of bait and lures and rent a boat. After a long day of fishing, the two fishermen return to the dock. The first
fisherman pulls their only catch from the live well, a scrawny fish just legal size. He says, ‘Boy!
This fish cost us about $75.’
The second fisherman says, ‘Well it's a good thing we didn't catch any more or we’d be broke.’

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A warden walks up to a fly fisherman with a cooler full of Rainbow trout in a catch & release area. The warden says, ”You know…it’s illegal to keep those fish you caught?”
The fisherman answers, “I didn’t catch those, they’re my pet fish, I bring them down here from home once a day so they can swim around and when I whistle they come back and jump in the cooler and I take them back home”.
The warden says,” I don’t believe it”.
So the fisherman dumps the cooler and the fish swim off.
After a few minutes the warden says, “Well...when are you going to whistle to bring the fish back?”
“What fish?”
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These two guys are ice fishin’; one says: “they ain’t bitin”.
The other one notices a snowmobile and says: “Well, those guys that are trolling don’t look like they’re catchin’ much either.”

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A more-than-slightly intoxicated fisherman decided to go ice fishing. As he began to cut a hole in the ice, a resonating voice from above came booming down, “There are no fish under the ice!”
The ice fisher was slightly taken aback, but continued trying to cut a hole in the ice.
Again, the voice came booming down, ”There are no fish under the ice!”
The fisherman responded, “God, is that you? Why do you keep telling me there are no fish under the ice?”
The voice boomed back, “Because I am the owner this ice rink, you fool!”

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Two blondes were fishing by a stream one day when a game warden suddenly appeared. Upon seeing the ladies he struck up a conversation which eventually led to the question, “Do you gals have fishing licenses?”
“We don’t need fishing licenses,” one of the blondes replied. “We’re using magnets to dredge the bottom for debris.”
Somewhat perplexed, the warden demanded to see those magnets. The blondes complied and reeled in their rigs, and sure enough, magnets were attached to the ends of their lines.
“OK’” grumbled the warden, as he left.
When he was out of sight, one of the blondes giggled, “Stupid warden doesn’t know there’s steelhead in here!”

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One man's passion was fishing. He spent all his weekends near the river or by the lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river as usual. It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house.
The man came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and lay near his wife. The lights were off and he snuggled up behind her. She didn't even turn around.
"What terrible weather today, Honey," he murmured in her ear.
"Yes, she answered, “can you believe my idiot husband went fishing in this?"

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A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof" stores looking for a job.
The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid said, "Sure, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
After the store was locked up, the boss came down to see how things went.
"How many sales did you make today?"
The young man replied without hesitating, "One."
The boss said, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
How much was the sale for?"
The kid said, "$101,237.64."
The boss said, "$101,237.64?! What the hell did you sell?!"
"First I sold him a fish hook. Then I sold him some line. Then I sold him some lures and tackle. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him a 4x4 pickup truck."
Amazed, the boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a truck?"
"No sir, he came here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"



Tom