Alaskan JOW

You might have noticed that there was no JOW last week. That was because Ruth and I fled the oppressive heat of the greater Houston area and took an Alaskan cruise. For a long wonderful week we rediscovered the pleasures of long sleeves and even jackets. Of course the scenery was spectacular and we were able to have some great adventures.
With Alaska still on my mind I thought that it would make a good topic for my JOW - anything to get my mind off the continuing forecasts for triple digit heat here.
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In Alaska when someone refers to "the BIG one" it's important to clarify whether they are talking about a King salmon, Mt. McKinley, or the 1964 earthquake.

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First Alaskan: Boy, it was too bad to hear about Bob's car accident; he suffered so much brain damage they had to ship him off to the Lower 48.
Second Alaskan: Yes, that's too bad, how long do they figure he'll be in the hospital?
First Alaskan: Hospital? Who said anything about a hospital?

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Lloyd and Bruce fly in to the Alaskan interior to go moose hunting. They have a good hunt, and both manage to get a large moose. When the plane returns to pick them up, the pilot looks at the animals and says, "This little plane won't lift all of us, the equipment, and both of these animals--you'll have to leave one. We'd never make it over the trees on the take-off."
"That's baloney", says Bruce.
"Yeah," Lloyd agrees, "you're just chicken. We came out here last year and got two moose and that pilot had some guts; he wasn't afraid to take off."
"Yeah," said Bruce, "and his plane wasn't any bigger than yours!"
The pilot got angry, and said, "Well, if he did it, then I can do it, I can fly as well as anybody!" They loaded up, taxied at full throttle, and the plane almost made it, but didn't have the lift to clear the trees at the end of the lake. It clipped the top, then flipped, then broke up, scattering the baggage, animal carcasses, and passengers all through the brush.
Still alive, but shaken and dazed, the pilot sat up, shook his head to clear it, and said "Where are we?"
Bruce rolled out from being thrown in a bush, looked around, and said, "I'd say, about a hundred yards further than last year."
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Two Lower48ers are moose hunting all day, finally they shoot a moose. They start dragging it out of the bush but are having a hard time. Finally a fellow hunter comes along and says "Hey, you know if you drag the moose the other way with the grain of the fur it will be a lot easier."
The two hunters say "Hey, good idea!" So they start dragging it the other way.
About two hours later one outsider looks at the other and says "Hey, this was a good idea, it is easier this way."
The other outsider says, "Yeah, but we keep getting further away from the truck."
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George and Frank have been sitting out on a lake all day ice fishing. George has been having no luck at all and Frank has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. George finally leans over and asks the other what his secret is.
"Mu mupu meep ma mrrms mrrm" is the reply.
"Geez, Frank, what was that?"
"Mu mupu meep ma mrrms mrrm" Frank replies.
"Good grief Frank, still can't understand what you're saying."
Frank spits something into his hand and says very clearly, "I said, 'YOU GOTTA KEEP THE WORMS WARM.'"

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Here are a few Alaskan terms:

Cheechako: Anyone new to Alaska.
Sourdough: Anyone old to Alaska.
Cache (cash): A very small, food storage cabin - elevated out of reach of animals and your kids.
Ice Worm: Small, very tiny worms that actually live in glacial ice.
Bear Insurance: Guns: 44 magnum, 12 gauge shotgun, high caliber rifle or small, handheld nuclear weapon.
Bear Insurance #2: It's the best protection of all...always be with someone you can outrun.
Permanent Fund: Money from the state for living in Alaska.
Tin Dog: Snowmobile, Ski-Doo
Alaskan Sneakers: Waders - leg, hip, or chest waders.
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Sourdough, complaining: "Awwwh, there is so much we must do without in Alaska; we must do without freeways, snakes, scorpions, tornados, hurricanes, cockroaches, poison ivy and poison oak, a state sales tax, a state income tax, alligators, black widow spiders,.........


Tom