Happy Thanksgiving JOW

Thanksgiving dinner is a unique experience; it's like an orgy that's rated G. Everyone feels like gluttony is their patriotic duty. We all eat until it takes the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy. We will be going up to eat with Ruth’s sister as usual but this will be the first time without any kids since I was on active duty in 1985 and ate Thanksgiving alone in a San Francisco restaurant. That was when I came to fully understand that it is not what you eat but who you eat the meal with that is important.
On a personal note, my sister welcomed another grandson into the world; J.R. Gerschefski. And Tiffany has finally successfully completed a five year effort and secured work as an attorney in L.A. This means that for the first time all five kids are gainfully employed at the same time.
Here are some Thanksgiving-themed jokes for the season(ing).

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A college student invited her college roommate to join her large family for Thanksgiving dinner. As families sometimes do, they got into a lively argument over a trivial subject until they suddenly remembered they had a guest in our midst. There was an immediate, embarrassed silence.
“Please don’t worry about me,” she reassured them; “I was brought up in a family too.”

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Young Simon was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.
'What are you doing?' Simon enquired.
'Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey,' his grandmother replied.
'Wow, that's cool.' Simon remarked. 'Are you going to hang it next to the deer?'

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I am not ashamed of my ‘rural antecedences’. Jeff Foxworthy founded an entire genre of jokes celebrating our redneck heritage. And you might be a redneck if:

• You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.
• Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings.
• You've ever re-used a paper plate.
• If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
• If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.
• Your turkey platter is an old hub cap.
• Your best dishes have Dixie printed on them.
• Your stuffing’s secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.
• Your only condiment on the dining room table is ketchup.
• Side dishes include beef jerky and Moon Pies.
• You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
• The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
• You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
• You have an Elvis Jell-O mold.
• Your secret family recipe is illegal.
• You serve Vienna Sausage as an appetizer.

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TULSA, OK (DPI) - In what is becoming more and more common on holidays here in America, an entire family exploded shortly after finishing their Thanksgiving dinner.
Investigators from the Tulsa Sheriff Department said that, while the sheer size of the meal certainly played a part in the Turkey Day Massacre, the straw that broke the gobbler's back was in fact the whipped cream on the top of the pumpkin pie.
Sheriff Bill Gutt commented, "Yep, it was the Cool-Whip what done it. People just ain't got no common sense."

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The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and you’ll get a huge bonus."
"Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"

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Grandma: What would you like for dessert, Joey?
Joey: Pumpkin pie! Grandma: Pumpkin pie, what, dear? Say the magic word. Joey: I'm sorry, Grandma. Pumpkin pie, abracadabra!

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Our son had only heard his grandfather pray at Thanksgiving, Easter, and other special occasions; when he typically would say a long prayer over the food.
One night, after a fun camp-out and fishing trip, Grandfather (to our son's surprise) asked a very brief blessing on the food. With a gleam in his eye, our son grinned at his grandfather and said, "You don't pray so long when you're hungry, do you Grandpa?"

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A Texas Ranger once received a call from a woman who asked him how to baste a turkey. After a stunned moment, he, being a fairly good cook, described the procedure. Then he asked, "But why would you call the Texas Rangers to find out how to baste a turkey?"
There was only a slight hesitation before she replied, "Well, you knew, didn't you?" and hung up.

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Q: What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
A: The letter "g"!


Tom