Gone Fishing JOW #656

                I am going fishing this week so I thought I would salute piscatorial arts with a salute to fishing.  You know for a fish, the glass half empty/half full thing really hinges on which end of the fish is in the water.  I actually wanted to be a professional fisherman once, but I decided I could not survive on my net income.

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First, here are a few fishing definitions.

Knot (1) An insecure connection between your hook and fishing line. (2) A permanent tangle on your spinning reel which forces you to go out and buy a bigger, better, much more expensive rig.

Landing Net A net used to help drag a large wiggling fish, or an inebriated fishing buddy, on board.

Live Bait The biggest fish you'll handle all day.

Quiet Water Your surroundings after you stop cursing your bad luck and fall asleep at the reel.

Sinker (1) A weight attached to a lure to get it to the bottom. (2) The nickname of your boat.

Thumb A temporary hook holder.

Treble Hook Triples the odds of your catching a fish. Quadruples the odds of your getting the hook caught in your thumb (see above).

Trolling What you do after you've lost a $500 rod and reel set-up overboard.

Test (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range. (2) A measure of your creativity in blaming “that darn line” for once again losing the fish.

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A small town Doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a nice normal baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the Doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 21 lbs 13 oz. 

Why so many man think fishing is better than sex:

·         You can catch and release a fish, you don't have to lie and make it promises.

·         When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good. If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.

·         Fish don't compare you to other fishermen and don't care how many other fish you caught.

·         You don't have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.

·         You can catch a fish on a 20-cent night crawler. If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.

·         Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing. 
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A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?!" the warden replied. 

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take ‘em home."

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" 

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."

"Okay, I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious. 

The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" the man responded. 

"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.

"Call who back?" the man asked.

"The FISH"

"What fish?" the man asked.

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One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late. His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.

The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing.

To which the boy replied, “Yes, ma’am, he did. My dad said that he didn’t have enough bait for both of us.”

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And a final few jokes for the distaff side

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend when the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. 

"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

"Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

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Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.  Actually, don’t teach him to fish.  Let him learn to cook for himself; besides fishing is not all that hard.

The only reason your husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"