No Fooling JOW #654

April Fools is an old and somewhat dated tradition, more honored (or should that be honoured?) on the other side of the Atlantic.  Most famously was a BBC video documentary a few years back on harvesting the spaghetti fields in Switzerland which went on for a good 15 minutes.  A fake trailer for a non-existent sequal “Pineapple Express 2” is circulating out there and there have been a number of product April Fool jokes today - like Virgin Airline offering a glass bottomed airplane, Tic Tac offering a Pizza-flavored tic tac, American Eagle offering spray-on jeans for those ‘skinny, skinny jeans!”and Scope Bacon Mouthwash ‘for breath that sizzles’.  Actually that sounds pretty good to me.  I understand that not everyone likes bacon.  Those people are wrong. 

Google has come up with a number of April Fools today, from turning Google Maps into a pirate treasure map to announcing that YouTube has been an eight-year competition to choose the best video of all time, and the site is now ready to shut down and announce the winner.  But my favorite is Google Nose, which provides smells for whatever you type into the search engine – just “bring your nose as close as you can to the screen and press Enter".  And then there is ‘Gmail Blue: It’s Gmail, only Blue’.  Yes, you don’t have to make it blue, it is blue.

Interesting factoid: The modern keyboard was invented by a Hungarian immigrant Qwert Yuiop who left his ‘signature’ on the keyboard.

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My cousin recently sent me a brief email describing the things he does now that he is retired:

Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn't do something useful with my time. Talking about my "doing something useful" seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
 I did d this and they gave me an idea and a little made up membershipt to take home.  When next I saw her I told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She said, "Are you nuts? You’re almost 79 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses??!! This is a membership to an Escort Service, not a Parachute Club."
 So I told her  "I guess I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to do... I signed up for two jumps a week." 

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be really fun

Yes, we are faced with an aging population.  There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer’s research.  That means by 2020 or so there will be a large elderly population wandering around with perky boobs and solid erections with no recollection of what to do with them.

Which makes me think – if only there were liquid Viagra - a man could literally pour himself a stiff one.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

And finally, a Tom sent me some of the winners for alternate definitions

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 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your night-gown.
 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
 8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.
 9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
 11. Testicle (n.), a small but humorous question in an exam.
 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
 13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
 14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
 16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.