What do you call a ball JOW #666

Between the baseball, basketball and golf games I decided that I should do a ball-themed JOW.  Then, somehow as I was writing I went off onto a bunch of ‘What do you call’ jokes, some of which are truly tasteless.  But first let me get on the ball.

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
She ran away from the ball.

This is one of Dr. Bil’s favorites –

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, when Banta, a salesman, runs up to him and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"
The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"
"It's a special golf ball," says Banta. "You can never lose it!"
"What do you mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?"
"No problem," says Banta. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."
"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"
"Easy," says Banta. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."
"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"
"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!"
The golfer buys it at once.
"Just one question," he says to Banta. "Where did you get it?"
"I found it."

===========================

Two young blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three; they could see the flag, but not the green. Each hit their balls anyway. When they walked to the green, they discovered one ball about three feet from the cup, while the other ball somehow had gone directly in.
The blondes tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, since they were both using Titlist number threes. Unable to decide, they returned to the clubhouse and asked the golf pro for a ruling.
After hearing their story and congratulating them both on their superb shots under such adverse conditions the pro asked, "Okay, so who was playing the yellow ball?"

++++++++++++++++++++++++

From Richard, the PhD one, not the son one-

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And...
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become; there must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles.

 Tom claims this was an actual memo back when a mouse enclosed a track ball.  These track balls would sometimes go bad and require replacement.

Replacement of Mouse Balls

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.

Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in a sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

And all that mouse talk reminded me of a joke

What do you call a mouse under a pile of dry leaves?
Rustle.

Which unleashed the flood of ‘what do you call’ jokes

What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack.

What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
Lily.

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
Doug.

What do you call a man with a small spade on his head?
Doug-less.

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.

What do you call a camel with no humps?
Humphrey.

What do you call a Hippie’s wife?

Mississippi

What do you call fake noodles?

An impasta

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?

A stick

What do you call bears without ears?
B.

And a fish with no eyes?

FSH

What do you call the shortest distance between 2 jokes?
A straight line.

What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other?
Eileen.
What do you call a Japanese woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Irene.
What do you call an Englishwoman driving a truck?
Laurie.

What do you call an Irishman who's been buried for 10 years?
Peat.
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a swimming pool?
Bob.

And what do you call him if he is framed?

Art.

What do you call a cow that has just given birth?

De-calfinated

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

And what do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn’t matter – he can’t come anyway.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer.

What do you call a paralyzed deer with no eyes?

Still no eye deer.

And those reminded me of this one from my youth

What do you get when you cross an alligator with a fridge?
A refrigegator.

Finally Tor offered these bits of guidance we might get from a Zen GPS unit.

·         Follow your bliss

·         The obstacle is the path

·         If you aim for it you are turning away from it

·         Follow the eight fold path

Tom