I will not be doing my Jokes of the
Week next week because once again I am abandoning the ‘iUniverse’ for a week or
so and going sans electronics. This time
I will be in Peru where the internet has apparently not been invented yet. Note that I said I am leaving our electronically
connected world behind, not civilization; the Internet has nothing to do with
things civil. You know when something
random gets repeated over and over again?
In real life people tell you to shut up; on the internet it becomes a
meme. The difference between my blog
(which has been up since ’08) and my dog barking in the backyard is that my dog
has a bigger audience.
I will attempt to
put the Spanish I learned at Eckerd to use down there. I am not optimistic. About the only word I seem to remember is ‘catasrofe’
which is what will probably happen when I attempt to communicate with the
locals - Professor Trakas will probably turn over in his grave.
But that gave me
the idea for my JOWs. Yes, inventive “English
Language” signs.
***********************
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered
throughout the world. You have to give
the writers an 'E' for Effort. I hope
you enjoy them.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels
please. If you are not a person to do
such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel
lobby:
The lift is being
fixed for the next day. During that time
we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the
lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel
elevator:
To move the cabin,
push button for wishing floor. If the
cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing
floor. Driving is then going
alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front
desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at
the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The
flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to
take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow
hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to
visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and
writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate
the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss
restaurant:
Our wines leave you
nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish
hotel:
Salad a firm's own
make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger;
roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor
shop:
Ladies may have a
fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry
cleaner's:
Drop your trousers
here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress
shop:
Dresses for street
walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers
suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly
forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for
instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with
each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the
impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is
suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a
Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by
the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your
clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian
tourist agency:
Take one of our
horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey
rides in Thailand:
Would you like to
ride on your own ass?
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no
ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to
enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails
for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline
ticket office:
We take your bags
and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow
hotel room:
If this is your
first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail
lounge:
Ladies are
requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed
the animals. If you have any suitable
food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman
doctor:
Specialist in women
and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has
personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost
more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese
information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and
Heates: If you want just condition of
warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car
rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of
foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage
then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan
shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
And those attempts to communicate led me to scientific
communication – remember, I am married to one of those scientists -
A Guide to
Effective Scientific Communication
=============================================
Phrase Translation
=================================================================
It has long been known: I
haven't bothered to look up the reference
It is believed: I think
It is generally believed: A couple of other guys think so too
It is not unreasonable to: If you believe this, you'll believe assume anything
Of great theoretical I find it kind of interesting
Importance:
Of great practical I can get
some mileage out of it
Importance:
Typical results are shown: The best results are shown
3 samples were chosen for: The others didn't make sense, so we ignored
them
The 4 hour sample was not I dropped it on the floor
studied:
The significance of these Look at the pretty artifact
results is unclear:
Correct within an order of Wrong
magnitude:
It might be argued that: I
have such a good answer for this objection that I shall now raise it
Much additional work will be This paper is not very good, but neither
are all the others required:
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