Suth American JOW #718

I missed submitting my JOW last week because I was off on one of my little adventures.  This time I was down in Peru for a mission trip with my church followed by a trip to the Incan ruins.  It was both spiritually satisfying as well as a lot of fun.  I am doing one of my ‘articles for an imaginary magazine’ complete with photos which I hope to send out in a day or so.

I tried as part of my cultural awareness I tried to find out what the locals thought was funny.  Apparently all throughout South American the most reliable thing to make people laugh is people falling over.   When I asked why slips'n'falls were so funny the best answer I got was "It all depends on the fall".  Unfortunately the old banana peel just does not come across in print.  But here are a few sort of South American/travel jokes.

Lima has a of lot poverty; many people beg or sell goods at traffic lights.  The mayor has a plan to help the situation: put in more traffic lights.

Murphy's Travel Laws:

• No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
• If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
• If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
• Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
• If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
• Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
• The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
• The small attractive woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
• The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

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I had a bagel on my flight back.  It was a plane bagel.

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A tourist is traveling with a guide through a thick jungle in Peru.  "Is it true," he asked, "that a jaguar won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."

Then they came across an ancient Inca temple.  The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details.
To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures.
The tourist then queries how old the temple is.
"This temple is 553 years old", replies the guide.
Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure.
"Easy", replies the guide, "the archaeologists said the temple was 550 years old, and that was three years ago"

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I was watching Switzerland at the World Cup.  I don’t know all their national colors but the flag is a big plus.

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The last one diverted me to a whole raft of bad pun jokes.

·         How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

At least a Brazilian

·         What sport do you play with a wombat?

Wom, of course.

·         What do you call a mexican that can't do anything?

A mexican't

·         What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto

·         My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.

·         What does Batman get in his drinks?

Just ice

·         Where do animals go when their tails fall off?

The re-tail store.

·         What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish

·         What was Forrest Gump’s password?

1Forrest1

·         How is imitation like a plateau?

They are both the highest form of flattery

·         Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl urinating?

The p is silent.

·         A magician was driving down the highway.

Then he turned into a driveway.

·         What did the buffalo say to his son when he left?

Bison