Remember the Memorial Day JOW #764

This weekend is Memorial Day weekend.  Although originally celebrated to commemorate Civil War dead, today it is more important as the official marker of the summer season.   Most people consider a day to barbeque and spend the day outside.  Maybe we should spend the weekend celebrating the fact that Osama bin Laden is still dead.  Here are a few jokes that feature the military humor that I had that I do not remember sending out before.  I hope you enjoy them.

First, some military riddles.

Q: What do French recruits learn in basic training?

A: How to surrender in 17 different languages.

Q: How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin?

A: First, invade ze kitchen.

Q: What happens when you eat German/Chinese food?

A: An hour later you are hungry for power.

Q: What do you call a building full of Taliban?

A: Jail

The services just don’t understand each other; they don’t even seem to speak the same language.  At the beginning of the Army-Navy football game when the coin toss is made the Navy captain shouts, HEADS followed by the Army captain shouting LATRINES.

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The young Marine in a snide voice says to the old sailor, "I love you sailors. Whenever we go to fight, you give us a ride."

 The old Chief looks over and says, "We love you guys too, by just giving you Marines a ride let Congress believe it was okay to assign women to ships."

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During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he was falling back during a really fierce battle.

“Why are you retreating?  Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered four to one?"

The Marine replied, "I got my four Sir."

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Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"

"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." he replied

"Oh? And what does your father do?" asked the doctor

The recruit responded "He's in the Army, sir."

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Sam, an old retired Marine had two sons who had the responsibility of bringing in the stove wood. Boy's reported to their dad that someone was stealing the stove wood. So the old Marine told his boys he would bring in the wood for the next two days.  Two days later there was a crash that came from the neighbor’s house. Soon after the boy's ran in to report to their dad that the neighbors stove had just blown up.

“You boys can start bringing in the wood again, now,” the old marine said, “I guess our neighbor must have stolen that wood I put that blasting cap in.”

Some unrelated (and awful) jokes:

How does the man in the moon cut his hair?  Eclipse it.

Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow? It is making headlines.

Pat passed on a nice quote from Bette Middler – ‘I am like vodka – ageless and tasteless.’

From Keith – on aging:

·         At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came there for.

·         The biggest lie I tell myself is ..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

·         Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes and come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

·         I don't need anger management. I need people to stop making me mad!

·         Old age is coming at a really bad time!

·         Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!

·         My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.

·         Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.