Epic Sports JOW #786

Yesterday was an epic day for those who watch sports.  Thanks to the NFL game in London, football was available from 0700 until 2300 including the Sunday Night game.  Adding to the sports smorgasbord, there was the World Series, which went until midnight, and as a lagniappe, you could watch regular season NBA and NFL games.  Heck, there was even a soccer match being televised, but as I was trying to keep awake I did not watch any of it.

Sports and entertainment continue to blur together in the media.  Take former basketball player Lamar Odom; when his soon to me ex-wife Khole (not pronounced K-Hole) Kardashian heard that Lamar was in a coma after a four day binge in a brothel and was getting lots of publicity.  She immediately dumper her current beau, NBA star James Harden and raced to Lamar’s side before the story had a chance to get cold.  “I realized that Lamar was generating so much more publicity than James, so I had to be by his side,” she said to a breathless horde of celebrity newshounds.   “James was sweet, but he is so yesterday.  Lamar is really hot right now and I can’t afford not to be here where the cameras are.”  Which means she left a guy who dribbles a rock for one who smokes it...and then dribbles.

Thus, Lamar Odom has become the only guy in history to have coke and hookers save his marriage.

I am not sure why anyone would be connected with the Kardashians.  They turned Scott into an alcoholic, Lamar into a cokehead, and Bruce into a woman.  I can hardly wait to see what they do to Kanye.  I can hear it now – ‘Marry a Kardashian’ they said.  ‘It’ll be fun’ they said.

Plunging ahead here are a few sports-related jokes.

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I remember this one from a long time ago –

What does a Mets fan do when the Mets win the World Series?  He turns off the PlayStation.

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I like to watch the World Series. Here's what I do: I sit down and drink a few beers in my underwear and scream at the TV. That's until they throw me out of sports bar.

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Lots of teams have jerseys with the team’s name in Spanish.  Does it disturb anyone else that “The Los Angeles Angels” baseball team translates directly to “The The Angels Angels”?

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Q: What do the World Series and bears on birth control have in common?

 A: No Cubs

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Q. What did the Texan’s coach say to the broken vending machine?

A. “Give me my quarterback!”

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A wife waited patiently while her husband played a round of golf on their 18th wedding anniversary.  Afterwards they went out to dinner at a lovely restaurant. They discussed the many happy memories they had shared during the past eighteen years. Then the wife said “Want to go for another 18?”

“No” he replied “I think it’s too dark now.” 

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I have heard that some women prefer the NFL to the NBA because they prefer the tight yoga pants football players wear over the frumpy businesswoman slacks baseball players wear.

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The rules of football and the plot of The Godfather are the two most 
complicated things that every guy understands no matter how dumb he is.

—Julian McCullough

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 78 years old, and she's just 24! What kind of a wedding is that?" 

The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family." 

"What do you call it?" 

"We call it a football wedding." 

The first asks, "What's a football wedding?" 

The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"

An old but topical one:

After a two year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's ball-related recreational preferences: The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is football. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf. Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

Here is a golf and fishing joke:

Bill and Earl are out playing golf. They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing.

Bill says, "Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishing' in the rain!"

Pat forwarded some bits from Stephanie such as

I have sexdaily!  I mean dyslexia….   Fcuk.   (I recommend going to DAM – Mothers Against Dyslexia.)

And this one:

A nurse walks into a bank, exhausted after a long shift.  She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.  When she realizes her mistake she looks at the teller and, without missing a beat says,

“Well that’s great… some asshole’s got my pen.”

Finally –

We changed from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time last Sunday.  Our minister posted a note on Saturday that said – “For those of you who are always 15 minutes late to church let me remind you that tonight is the night to set your clocks back 45 minutes.”