Healthy Nut JOW #789

I regret they my JOWs this week are late.  I was under the weather a bit followed by the traditional Thanksgiving activities which has me off schedule.  I am very fortunate that I have been unusually healthy; and make no mistake I am grateful for that.   I did learn to never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. But my little illness got me thinking about good health in general and the lengths some people will go to achieve it.  Think of all those health nuts in the hospital– dying of nothing in particular.  Older readers will remember the late Adele Davis who wrote a series of books such as “Let’s Eat Right and Stay Healthy”  She died abruptly at 70, which was a bad career move.  Most of us are not exactly obsessed with a healthy lifestyle.  We have all seen the overweight diabetic scarfing down a jelly donut or the smoker turning off his oxygen tank so he can have another cigarette. Their view is that it is their body and in a free society they have a right to abuse it any way they want.  Their view is that life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

On the other end of the spectrum are the folks like militant Vegans.  Vegan get their name from the Latin term ‘vega’ which means smug and self-righteous.  How do you find a vegan at a dinner party?  Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.

Vegans do tend to take themselves and their lifestyle very seriously which of course makes them prime targets for barbs. 

Such as the posting on a typical college post board for “Vegan Support Group” with a picture of healthy veggies.  Right next it was a posting with a picture of a T-Rex and the heading “Carnivore? Chances are you don’t need a wimpy support group.”

Although there are lots of polite vegans who just want to eat what they want to eat (see comment about jelly donuts above) there are too many who will tell you something like “”Oh, no , I am not fussy at all.  I’ll eat anything; as long as it is gluten-free, dairy-free, low-carb, low-fat, low-calorie, sugar-free, unprocessed, fair trade, raw and organic.”

A lot of my friends are health conscious which is a good thing – I hope to have a lot of mourners at my funeral.  Actually I do try to take of myself but that does not mean I am above making fun of those who also work at staying fit. I heard a woman at the gym say you have to work like a horse and sweat like a pig to look like a fox.  But you have to be careful – vigorously exercising for just 15 minutes a day raises your risk of posting insipid inspirational quotes on Facebook by 40%.

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I used to live in St. Petersburg, Florida (city of the newly wed and the nearly dead).  The local paper would often do articles on the elderly.  One old gent was coming up on this hundredth birthday and was asked about his lifestyle. 

“Well, you could say I am a health nut,” he replied.  I have never smoked or drunk alcohol.  I am in bed by 10 and I walk three miles a day.”

“But I understand yourbrother had the same habits and he died at 70.  So how come this regime did not work for him?” asked the reporter.

“All I can say is he didn’t keep it up long enough.”

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For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.